Melissa de Pau

Words Can Hardly Express How I'm Feeling Today

2012-01-15T23:26:00.000-06:00

"Overwhelmed" seems to sum it up. I'm looking for a job and can't seem to find one, and money would solve several of my problems - personally and for security. My life seems to have gone through some sudden changes and there are a few more to come in the next few days. I'm using my mom's car around San Marcos so I've been feeling a new sense of independence, as cheesy as that may seem. I'm done with my required course hours towards graduation so I am not enrolled in any classes. Up to this point, it's been important to me to work hard in school and do my assignments on time and make A's on all of my exams... but that's all gone now. It's a relief to not have to deal with all of that, but at the same time, it's what I used to live for. I grew up a sheltered schoolgirl.

Also, college graduation is about 4 months away. I'm nervous and scared of what might be on the other side... well, more like what might not be on the other side (a steady job with a good salary and benefits). As an audio engineer, a young one with hardly enough experience to be considered a professional, there is only so much I can do out in the real world, and only so much of that feels right to me. I'm not trying to downplay my acquired skills/talents, but I'm trying to be realistic about my situation.

Because of all this, I realized that skills/talents don't have to be obtained through classrooms and teachers. So I've been putting my programming knowledge to practice and reading as much as I can to learn new things about my field every day. It's just tough knowing that I won't be tested/rewarded for it at the end of the day - this is an "in the long run" kind of thing.

You know, this is off-topic, but it's been so difficult for me to type up a blog so far this year. I don't know what to talk about. Some things in my personal life need not be displayed for all to read online. I used to be so comfortable with that when I first started blogging in 2004 (dang, 8 years ago!). It's not a matter of keeping secrets but a matter of being professional. Professionals don't display their emotions on the internet. Oh, to be young and innocent again. I think we'd all like to go back to those days.

I'm going to wrap this up by saying I wish I was a better person - I wish I would put my money where my mouth is every time. I slip up. I forget things. I get lazy. I pretend I have until the end of time to get things done. The truth is, our time is running out and I'm just wasting it all on sitting around in solitude - I do it while I'm working, I do it while I'm relaxing. I leave barely any time for friends. I have a lot of things on my list of New Year's resolutions, but this is one I must mention. I want to reach out to my old friends and close up the space between us, I want to be closer to my current friends, and I want to be better at making new friends. Hopefully 2012 will be the year for relationships for me.

I Keep Changing My Mind

2011-11-10T19:16:00.000-06:00

I don't understand me at all. Every time I am introduced to something new, I want to do it for the rest of my life. Take "playing clarinet" for example. When I started getting the hang of it, it's all I ever wanted to do. I was never a brilliant player, but I sure was dedicated. Then came the thought of "computer programming", though I had no idea about it at all and no real means of learning about it. I just knew I would be working with computers and making programs, possibly computer games... that would be cool. That didn't really take off with me, though. Then, hmm, what if I could spend my life "working in a recording studio"? I could work with awesome musicians and big names. Well, I was naive enough to not realize how much hard work has to be put in towards networking, which doesn't come easy for me. So I come to Texas State, ready to start this career. I start investing in gear... a $3000 MacBook Pro, a FireWire interface, a couple of mics, some stands. Then I figure out I like to "mix music". Do I pursue it? Nah, I just sit on the idea. Then I realize how much of a scientific/mathematical thinker I am, as opposed to the musical aspect of things around here, so maybe I want to get into acoustics... maybe I want to "study the science of sound", or "be a consultant", rather. So I get an internship with an acoustic consultant, which has been great, but we're at a standstill at the moment due to my lack of a vehicle. Now all that I can think about is "software engineering". Yeah, I can make programs... aimed at audio professionals! How about that? Back to square one (or two, since playing clarinet was number one). I've ended up in this state of mind twice... so maybe I should stick with it? At least now I'm a bit more educated about the field. Who knows? Maybe once my internship starts up again I'll change my mind once more! UUGGHH, I frustrate myself.

Let's go with this software engineering idea now. Say I pursue this idea. What would it take for me to get to where I need to be to land a good job? Maybe a Master's of Science in Computer Science with a major in Software Engineering from Texas State? I've been doing my research, and it turns out that in order to even get into the program, I need to obtain 29 hours in computer science courses (4 of which I have) and 11 hours in math courses (I've only taken pre-cal). Then to earn my Master's I need 36 more hours. Maybe I could get all this done within... 2 years, give or take a semester. Let's say I do all this and put myself in further debt. Will I be happy then? Will I finally be satisfied with my life? Will having another degree get me feeling successful? I guess it depends on what job I get afterward. I guess my Bachelor's won't have been a waste of time if I go for something like this, but preparing for the Master's will be very time-consuming. But possible? Yes. Very.

I have so much to think about right now. On a side note, I think I aced my Brit Lit test today! =)

"What do I want to do with my life?"

2011-11-08T20:20:00.000-06:00

That's what I typed into Google today. I was surprised to come across this inspirational article: (http://ezinearticles.com/?What-Am-I-Going-To-Do-With-The-Rest-Of-My-Life?&id=1194).

I have a compelling desire to answer the 5 questions presented in this article, but I kind of don't know how to. I'm 21, a senior at Texas State majoring in sound recording technology... you'd think my future is all planned out. Well, it's definitely not, and that's something I struggle with daily. Yeah, I like what I'm doing when I'm doing it, otherwise I wouldn't be doing it in the first place. But I feel like there's something out there more suitable for me.

I'll give this a shot...

What does success mean to me? To me, a successful person is someone who earns enough money to never be stressed out about finances; someone who can provide for herself and her family alone (if need be) comfortably. She also has a career that she loves, but not only that, she does her job particularly well and is recognized for it by everyone in her field. Above all, a successful person always has time for her loved ones. She will be close to her family and raise her kids firsthand. This is the person I want to be.

What are my non-negotiable needs? In regards to the above, I need to be financially comfortable, to have a competitive, technologically advancing career, and to be home often enough to tend to my family. I need to be close to my parents. I need to live near a big city, and to live in Texas. I need the chance to travel to other countries to explore the world I've never known. I need to design/build my own home from the ground up.

What are my non-negotiable boundaries? I will not work in an environment where there is no room for advancement. I will not accept intolerance towards race, gender, or sexual orientation. I will not allow my children to pass on extracurricular activities.

What are my key values? I value spending time with loved ones, at home or otherwise. I value teaching others something new. I value being in charge. I value having pets.

What do I want to be remembered for? I want to be known as a person of brilliance; as smart and innovative. I also want to be known for my kindness, if I can learn to gain such a quality.

Well, this seems absolutely unfinished, so maybe I'll come back to it again or make edits as I see fit. Until next time!

I Miss This

2011-11-07T20:10:00.000-06:00

I miss you, Blogger. Tumblr is way cool, but this is my home. It's where I've unleashed my innermost thoughts throughout high school up until now. I can't abandon you. So I'm going to switch it up a little starting now. Since no one else seems to be very personal on Tumblr like I like to be, Tumblr will be for socializing, Blogger will be for blogging. There, the matter is settled (but no more of that lyrics-as-the-title business).

My cold seems to be subsiding, and it's possible I can continue to mix effectively soon enough. I have the D Room booked tomorrow morning. I aim to get there early so that I have more time to work in there. If the A Room is available, though, I may just jump in there until I get kicked out.

I had planned out my entire day last night, but that never seems to work for me these days. I was supposed to have all this energy and clean our entire apartment completely. It's not very roomy, and the mess isn't so bad. That makes me feel pathetic. I swear, soon after I publish this post, I am going to get off my internet-addicted ass and do some cleaning. Poor Danny feels compelled to do some cleaning by himself now. I appreciate it, but I was raised to be clean, and I definitely do not mind picking up after him too. Somehow there are clothes piled up in the bedroom, binders and loose papers scattered all around, and plenty of dirty dishes in the sink. And Bailey has to suffer with this too while her litter box goes uncleaned for a few days at a time and the bits of food in her water bowl slowly become dissolved. Ugh.

Danny and I apparently chose the wrong complex to live at this year. I miss our old place. The kitchen was lacking in storage space and the walls were so very thin, but the location was perfect... within walking distance of the music building! I now have to depend on the buses again, and I hate it. If I don't walk out of here to catch a bus an hour before class starts at the Mitte building or the studio, I'm screwed. Thank goodness for friends with cars and parking permits! This week, though, we have to walk about twice as far as usual to get to a bus stop. The walking doesn't bother me; the extra waste of time does. Do you know how much time I waste in a day walking to buses, waiting on buses, riding buses?? Well, I'm glad I won't have to deal with this anymore after the next few weeks go by.

I'm living the life of a pessimist, you know. It seems all I do these days is bitch and complain. I don't like it. Danny doesn't like it. I don't think my family likes it very much either. Bitterness constantly consumes me. I haven't always been this way, believe it or not. I mean, I've always been bossy and choosy when it comes to everything I do. I've never done it with this... attitude? I don't know what to call it. I should be happier. I am surrounded by the possibilities of an optimistic lifestyle, and I know this. I just decide to shroud myself in this undying desire to be self-righteous and bitter. When was the last time I felt truly excited about something? Breaks from classes aside, I can't really remember. My trip to Disney World with my high school band my senior year? Maybe. I think my spirit's been broken ever since I got that first rejection letter from the School of Music. Nothing, not even finally being accepted (Did they take pity on me?), could mend it. You don't know how willing I am to turn this all around. I would if I could do so immediately, but I take comfort in my loathsome demeanor, as all humans take comfort in life without change. Change is difficult; change is scary. I don't know... but today, I'm feeling especially bitter. It may just be my hormones (and I honestly do think it is), but I'm going to turn these feelings around right now and try to be productive. If my sense of smell comes back tonight, then I won't be very happy with how I've been treating my apartment these past couple of weeks. =/

Please Please Me

2011-07-08T11:42:00.001-05:00

I posted my first blog on Tumblr recently and may or may not stick with it. Until next time!

Kiss Me, K-K-Kiss Me

2011-04-28T20:16:00.002-05:00

I recently learned that I can graduate in December, if I so choose. I'm not sure I'll have my capstone done by then. Or my senior portfolio. Or my post-graduation plans. I've been considering moving on for a masters in acoustics, but that would call for more schooling in a very far away place and will cost more money I don't really have. If I don't do that, I have no idea where I'll be headed - and that's scary for me. I like structure. I like knowing what to expect. Sure, it makes me a boring person, but it's what makes me comfortable. I never before expected that I'd be going to college to earn a Bachelor of Science and not be able to use it to find a *guaranteed* job. I really don't know where I'm headed or what to expect. Now I'm just being redundant. So currently... I do not want to graduate in December, though I haven't thought of the consequences of doing that or graduating in May, as planned. I have to think things through before I make my final decision. This internship I'm doing over the summer should help me decide.

Right now I am taking over someone's shift at the Mac Lab in the music building. I have nothing left to do here in this room. As soon as I get off at 9:00 I plan to walk home and mix for Bobby's editing class and Gary's live sound class. I will tackle Mark's last mastering lab in the A Room on Sunday, as well as the recording portion of Billy's composition/sound design class projects. Last day of class = Monday! Stress relief = Tuesday @ noon after juries!

Hm. I never thought up until now... that I've earned $600 with the equipment Danny and I have been collecting - laptop, mics, cables, stands, interface, monitors, headphones, software. In less than a year I have earned $600. That's awesome. =) Although it could be better, I'm happy about that. Unfortunately I haven't put any of that money I've earned to buying more audio gear! I haven't bought gear in a long time.

By the way, don't buy anything at Forever 21 unless you're absolutely positive you'll love it outside the store. You don't get a cash or credit card refund when you return it. You get a damn gift card. UGH! Waste of $26... I have to go back there at some point and buy something else with it.

Enough reflecting. Until next time!

When Darkness Turns to Light

2011-04-22T13:43:00.003-05:00

So I was pretty angry at the start of 2011 when I learned that someone wasn't sticking to their end of a contract we were both involved in and was trying anything to avoid it, especially when I mentioned I felt like taking this matter to court. "We never had an agreement." "Your price is unreasonable." "Court isn't necessary."

I had been working hard alongside my boyfriend on writing/producing/recording/mixing four songs to which we only had the lyrics and melodies to work with (which this person provided). All of this happened within the span of 2-3 months. I only asked for $300, which I would split with my boyfriend because he did the majority of the writing and I did all the engineer work.

We had something worked out to where I would have the full amount by the first of January - I only had the initial payment of $50 by then and I was pretty upset about it, but was willing to work it all out. The upset turned to anger when I learned that the other person decided not to pay what we agreed on (after all the time and effort I put into this project), and wouldn't pay me anything at all until a judge decided what to do.

So I waited until I could muster up the cash to pay the court fees and finally filed a lawsuit during spring break to get the money that was owed to me and to get the legal facts of the matter straightened out.

The trial was a week ago. I was nervous when I spoke but clear, I thought. I had an entire timeline from the time we met to the last time we spoke, all of it evidenced by the Facebook messages I had printed out. I had planned to read through it all, but decided to give just a summary when I made my first statement. I think if I had done what I had planned, the trial would've ended shortly after. Instead, the back-and-forth went on for about an hour. Someone completely uninvolved testified and, to my knowledge, lied.

I believe the judge discredited me when the other party brought up a "professional" engineer who "charged a band only $200 for a 6-track demo" that he DIDN'T WRITE or PRODUCE, I can bet (apparently I didn't make that point clear enough). He has an 8-track Pro Tools rig in a space that does not have proper acoustics behind a downtown storefront. And he is not currently "working" with a certain pre-famous band that one of my old high school buddies is playing in, as far as I know - I have been having behind-the-scene conversations with one of their engineers. They rehearsed there. All of this I'd know because (1) I'd visited his place once, (2) heard some of his work, and (3) my old buddy posts a lot of updates on Facebook about that certain band. I believe that this information could have helped me, if only I'd stressed more on the *writing* bit as I just did. It was also stressed that I am "not licensed", but neither is the "professional" for what he does as an engineer.

In the end, the judge recognized that we did have an agreement by reading through the Facebook messages I handed him. He noticed the mention of $300 several times, but for some reason he awarded me so that I'd received $200 total for the project + my court fees. I knew I was in the right all along, so I felt partially restored for him making that clear. The non-restoration lies in the fact that he subtracted $100 from our agreed-upon price. I left happy anyway.

What have I learned from all of this?
(1) - To be up front about price from the beginning before working on any kind of business-like project where I will be doing work and expecting pay for it.
(2) - To justify the price. Define the price in full detail so I know exactly what kind of work I'll be expected to do and so the other party knows exactly what they are paying for.
(3) - To get the full amount agreed upon or a down-payment as part of a strict payment plan before handing over the final product.
(4) - To include the above three in a WELL-WRITTEN DOCUMENT signed by both the other party and me, and make sure all parties understand exactly what that document entails.
(5) - That filing a lawsuit can be a confusing mess if a person is not familiar with law. I just need to make sure I am always prepared to give my side of the story in full before giving the other party a chance to lie or give irrelevant statements. I will always bring whatever evidence I have, no matter how little it may seem - a bundle of Facebook messages related to the situation can only help clear the fog.
(6) - To be a good person in general. I will never leave room for someone to tag negativity on my name. And to treat others the way I'd like to be treated. I know I can't trust everyone to treat me the way I treat them, but that gives me an opportunity to really see who they truly are as people. And to be forgiving - but, even then, I won't ever let someone wrong me twice.

*Note to self: If filing a lawsuit outside of my town of residence, I will be sure to include travel costs in the award I am requesting!*

If I see any rudeness, cattiness, or name-dropping in your comment, it will be deleted. If I see too much of that, commenting will be disabled or this blog will no longer be viewable on Facebook. All I want to come of this post is closure, an update for my friends, and a memorable lesson for myself and my peers.

Just Breathe

2011-03-23T21:42:00.003-05:00

Going into SXSW 2011, I was pretty nervous. First of all, I'm horrible with directions, and the thought of navigating around downtown Austin was a nightmare. I also don't have much live sound experience so I thought my entire week was going to be really rough. Well, here's my story!

On Tuesday, everyone on the Production Labor Crew had to meet at Production Hell in the Austin Convention Center at 8am. The night before, Izzy and I moved into Shane's place for the week so that we wouldn't have to deal with waking up extremely early and jumping into Austin traffic from San Marcos. Smart move. After the meeting, I had my first load-in at Mi Casa Cantina. After some confusion, we got it done. Later that afternoon, after eating free food (as I did so every day I was in Austin), I went with Dan Electro and Greg to see The Ballad of Genesis and Lady Jay at the Alamo Drafthouse. That was quite disturbing in some ways, but interesting in others. Right after that I met up with Izzy, Daniel B, and Brian and convinced them to come see the Foo Fighters documentary airing at 6. On the way in we got free VH1 bags with a voucher for free Levi's 501s as well as a wristband that would allow us to get into Stubb's later on after the film. The Foo Fighters showed up, and I got some cool pics since I was sitting right in the front! The documentary was AWESOME, the best one I've seen. I think it really captured their story well. After the film, the four of us ran to Stubb's, and though the line was long we eventually made our way in and celebrated by drinking some free beers and eating some free barbecue! Then the Foo Fighters came on stage!! And played us a two-hour show!! It was definitely a night to be remembered.

On Wednesday, Izzy was on the morning load-in crew and so I had to go as well since we were riding together. I think I got about 4 hours of sleep the night before. I had two load-ins that afternoon, one at Mellow Johnny's and one at Stephen F's bar. Once again, I got free food (I think it was the Canadian BBQ... which seemed like regular Texas BBQ, stock with pork n' beans and all). I got to Maggie Mae's Rooftop, my assigned venue, around 6:30pm, where I met Art from Miller Pro Audio. I ran into Dave, the stage manager who I met at our meeting back in February. Both of them are really cool dudes and I was glad to work with them. I helped tie down the PA speakers, hook up XLRs to the snakes, and set up mics and DIs around the stage. I helped set mics on the stage in between sets too. Art was mixing on a Soundcraft Vi1... very cool. Check it out! He wasn't the only engineer through the night, though. There was this other guy hanging around who would mix every two bands or so, and some bands had their own engineer. That goes for all 3 nights that I worked at Maggie Mae's. I jumped into fanatic mode when Black Cards came on stage. I took a video (will be posting a video collaboration on Facebook sometime soon) and some pictures, and I was the very last person to beg Pete Wentz for a picture with me before he left the venue, haha. I did have a moment of concern as they were playing when he invited the audience to jump on stage and dance with them for their last song! Nuts. Then I helped Art tear down a few things until he told me I could go. I didn't get home until 4am or so, went to sleep by 5am.

Thursday (St. Patty's Day), got food, attended a panel with Adam, Izzy, and Brian called Songwriters Explain Everything, featuring Hazel Dickens, Ron Sexsmith, and I think William Carll. That was pretty interesting! When I got to Maggie Mae's Rooftop that night, Art seemed a bit confused but wouldn't tell me why. So I helped him set up mics around the stage and did a sound check on each one of them since we had some trouble with a few channels on the snakes. After that was all done, the assistant production manager for my venue came by and told me that Ashleigh asked that I move to Maggie Mae's Gibson Room to help them out. Art was like, "Dang, they caught you. I was gonna tell you to run the other way." Ha, so he was sad that I left, and I really was too. I had a great time the night before and didn't want to leave! Turned out that during the 2 and a half sets I sat through in the Gibson Room, all I had done was unplug a DI. Collin (the engineer there) never asked me to help him with anything, even though I followed him to the stage like a lost puppy every time he'd go up there. There was absolutely nothing for me to do there, so the assistant production manager moved me back to the Rooftop, and I cheered up immediately! From then on, I did the same things I did the night before... and got a free Red Bull in the process. At one point, we had to cut a band two songs short because they started so late due to their setup. The crowd called "bullshit" on their engineer, haha. My night ended with a compliment from a drunk dude who said he'd been in the audio business for 8 years and he just had to come tell me how perfectly I wrapped an XLR cable. Hahaha, gotta love it. Izzy and I got "home" at 4am once again.

Friday was my day off! I finally slept in an extra hour or two. I got free food somewhere, I'm sure. At 7, I got to Auditorium Shores with Greg to see Bowling For Soup. When they finished I went to Austin Music Hall alone to see 10 Years. Before they went on, I watched Sinai perform, and they were pretty groovy. Instead of going to Emo's like I had planned to see Of Mice & Men and Dance Gavin Dance, my feet were killing me so I walked over to Tenoak to visit Adam. He had to be the mixing engineer there because two other people just couldn't handle it. After hanging during about an hour, I traveled over to The Tap Room at Six, where an idol of mine would be playing at 1am. It was only 10pm! But as soon as I walked in, Matt Franke called out my name from behind the stage, holding his upright... I was confused but apparently he and quite a few other Texas State musicians were playing for Gabby Young, a chick from the UK. It was just awesome! After that, I had to sit through Talking Turtles (Blech!) and Hilary York, which was pretty cool, but I was soooooo stoked to see Anna Nalick!! As soon as Hilary York finished I ran up to the stage and planted myself there, aching feet and all, just WAITING to hear her voice. =) Finally she got on stage with her band (keys, drums, bass, guitar) and I sang along to the songs I knew. She amazes me! I recorded a few of her songs as she performed them with my camera (will be in that compilation I mentioned) but one of my memory cards ran out of storage space and my NiMH batteries died and the Duracells I had just bought were causing my camera to overheat... ugh! But that's okay. The pictures/videos could never recreate the experience. =) I cannot wait until her new album comes out next month!

On Saturday I got to look around at the Trade Show, Gear Alley, and the Guitar Expo. I entered myself into a fast-typing contest... I was 8th place in the end with about 100 words a minute. Only the top 2 got prizes. At least I tried! Being it was the last day and all I didn't get much swag. I was okay with that, though. That's not what SXSW is all about! Izzy and I caught a panel together: Women in the Recording Studio, represented by Women's Audio Mission (WAM). It was pretty sweet and refreshing and enlightening. That definitely made my week. Then I got to catch a Berklee showcase at Friends and saw Emily Elbert and The Boston Boys perform! I've been following Emily Elbert on YouTube for a while now and I was so happy to see she was performing. Apparently she performed at Tantra in San Marcos just a few days before then. Adam, Daniel D, and I rocked out! Then I took a picture with Emily and bought her CD. There was a huge Aussie theme going on at Maggie Mae's Rooftop. My feet were really hurting me that night and some Aussie stole my chair and was chain smoking all night so I was pretty cranky. I was sad to say goodbye to everyone, though, when I left. Then came load-out. It was just a flat-out mess and I don't even want to talk about it, lol. The only things I got to do were: assist Dusty in taking down an extension cable & snake, wrap several cables, and carry a keyboard stand to a truck. I also tried to help push heavy things on wheels through an alley that smelled of beer, piss, and garbage. That was too much fun, obviously, because I was so hyped up after that. I think hanging out with all my SRT buddies just made it worthwhile. =) After dropping off Daniel D and Adam to where they were staying, Izzy and I ate at Steak n' Shake, an event I had planned on since the beginning of the week. I got to my apartment at 8am!!

Last week was just too much fun and I can't wait to do it again next year! I learned a lot and had such a refreshing experience there. I better go now and finish the LAST SONG of No Strings Attached's album!! =) Woo!! Until next time!

A Place Inside My Heart is Where You Live

2011-03-09T22:34:00.002-06:00

Hi, Readers! I'm in the D Room at Fire Station Studios mixing some more of No Strings Attached - for experimentation of plugins and/or for getting a better mix. It's kind of frustrating that I am mixing this big project in the middle of a great mixing class. I want to finish learning all I will be learning this semester and then come back to it, but I need to finish as soon as possible because I know these guys are waiting on me. But man, sometimes my ears need rest, lol.

Spring Break is right around the corner. Too bad I don't get a week like most people will, but I'm still excited for what's to come. I, among many SRT students, am a Production Labor Crew member of SXSW! I'm basically a volunteer to help load in/out gear for venues that need it and I get to stand behind an engineer and get some observation going on at the same time. It's a good trade-off, I'll say. This year is my first year, and I hope to do so again next year (granted that I have a good experience). I'll be at Maggie Mae's Rooftop every night (except my night off, which I just learned yesterday is Friday!).

So my plan for the next week and half: Tomorrow I've got two voice lessons and a computer science midterm and students/faculty of Juilliard are performing in the evening on campus. Friday I am performing in voice seminar and will be picking up my SXSW badge afterwards. Saturday morning my parents are going to swing by and pick me up, then we will head to Victoria for an eye appointment for me (FINALLY) for a much-needed new prescription, then to Beeville where I will stay until Monday night, when they drop me back off in San Marcos. Monday night Izzy and I are going to head to Shane's place in Austin and stay the night since we have to be at the convention center at 8AM the next morning. Then... SXSW all week until Sunday morning when we can finally go back to our apartments in San Marcos and start school up again the next day. Whew!

G2G, for I am wasting valuable D Room time to type this blog, lol. Until next time!

I'd Rather Be Anything But Ordinary

2011-02-20T18:53:00.002-06:00

Another Bobcat Day/Audition Day passed by yesterday. I only had one person show up for a tour for that last audition day I mentioned, but there were about six to eight groups coming in to the studio for a tour at this last one. It's weird to me how involved some parents are in their child's college/career choice. My parents were very involved with me all throughout grade school but everything after that was my choice, though they tried to be supportive of it and helped me out as they could. But for most of the tours I hosted, the perspective students stood kind of in the back and didn't really pay attention to me when I answered their parents' questions, like they didn't care. The parents were the most involved - I think that's sad! YOU are in control of your future, not your parents, unless they refuse to financially support you or something if you chose a career path they weren't happy with. But come on, why let your PARENTS ask all the questions? Aren't YOU interested? Ugh - it frustrates me. I have to admit, I am scared of the world lol. I would be that student to stand and hide behind her parents and have them ask my questions. I can relate to that, and I can tell when that's the case, but most of these kids would just roll their eyes like they were bored with the tour. I did enjoy explaining to the parents how much I love the program here, compared to things I hear about other programs. =P! The close, tight-knit environment we're in gives us a chance to have personal discussions in our "classrooms" and have good relationships with our professors, including the one with a gold record and the one with a Grammy! And we only have 60 or so students in the program, with about only half who have full access to the four studios we've got. Man, we've got it made! Put THAT in a brochure!

But life is what you make it, and that definitely applies to this program. No one is going to ever force you to do your projects and assignments... or even go out of your way to find portfolio work. After last year I decided to change how I spent my time, and I'm so glad I did because I am now much more involved in the work I do and am (slowly) able to make more solid plans for my future. Danny and I collaborated on producing, writing music for, and recording a demo in the summer/fall. I also got to mix and (what I called at the time) master it. Although I still haven't gotten the full payment I asked for for that project, I'm glad to have had the experience. And I am now in the process of finishing up the No Strings Attached album I recorded almost a month ago now. I mixed it in a week, gave it to the group, they listened for a week, then I did another week of re-mixing, and I finally gave them that copy this morning. My fingers are crossed!!

The reason I bring all this up in a blog is so that I can come up with some more ideas for my Texas State Scholarship Application personal essay. I chose the first of the essay topics: "Explain how and why your life has been significantly influenced by a person (living or dead), an event, or a particular book." My subject is choosing to major in sound recording technology. That choice seriously changed my life. You know, I wasn't even sure I wanted to be a part of this industry until this past school year. I still don't know where exactly I'm headed, but I know this is where I want to be. It's really hard for me to live in the moment, just throwing that out there, since I can't really plan for the future these days. My main points are these: the connections I've gained throughout participating in this program (and will gain) - peers, professors, and other audio professionals; the knowledge I've been filled with (and will be) - concerning anything audio, including electronics and acoustics; the fun I've had obtaining both of those elements (and will have)! I honestly jumped into the program without even testing the waters, which is very out there for me when evaluating my past and personality. But I'm so glad I never turned away, though I had every reason to. It took me three auditions to get into the school of music's voice studio, and I had to wait half a summer to find out whether or not I was accepted into the sound recording program. I had no idea what I would've done if it wasn't for that letter, lol. I was so lost. But now I'm so totally found! And I love the support that has come with all that... from all of my new awesome SRT buddies, from my loving family, and from the one person who's opinion matters so much to me (out of love AND respect), my boyfriend Danny.

I didn't intend for this to be so long - I just can't stop now that I've started. DUDE - I'm turning 21 tomorrow! Shoot, try in about 4 1/2 hours!! That makes me excited... to be reaching such a huge milestone in life (lol), but it also makes me sad that I'm getting so old and lacking so much knowledge and talent that I'd like to have obtained by now. =/ No one should ever feel that way, but I don't feel like I've done enough in my life to say that I'm 21 years old. Is that weird? Gosh, that's going to change - I swear it will! Until next time!

Can You Hear Me?

2011-01-29T09:30:00.002-06:00

Good morning! I am starting my day as key-person at Fire Station Studios. I am expecting a few things to happen today.

Today is an audition day for the School of Music and I was told I'd be having some visitors wanting a tour. I hope I can get some help with that - I think someone is upstairs, but downstairs I'm alone, which I don't feel is safe for tours. I am also expecting my awesome boyfriend to bring me lunch today since I don't know when exactly these tour groups will show. When I'm done here today, I am going to First Presbyterian Church for the third/last night in a row to record No Strings Attached. I'm excited for this project and hope that it turns out how we all envision it to. From what we've recorded so far (8 tracks out of 10) I think it will be fantastic! Then Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday for 3 hours a day I will be in the C Room to edit/mix. At some point today, I also plan to measure the diffusor in the A Room for my acoustics course, but I need Danny to bring me some tape measure first. That's about it...

I love Pandora internet radio! =P Until next time!

You're Losin' Your Mind

2011-01-06T18:01:00.002-06:00

Well - I didn't stick to ANY of my Christmas break plans that I listed last time. I did start off on my own aerobics work-out plan but I haven't done it since Dec 31st or something like that. That's disappointing. But I am on the verge of finishing up my reading of The Art of Mixing. I haven't earned any money, though, which was like my number one thing to do. I have spent little, but I am seriously broke. I'm in the middle of switching banks, and once that's over with I can pay my accompanist from last semester, Rebecca. *I apologize for not having that done yet, but it will happen soon!* UGH! I'm so frustrated with myself. I will continue my exercise plan TODAY, no doubt about it.

I was very happy about the presents my parents gave to me for Christmas: a 7qt slow cooker, a 16pc Corelle dish set, and a teapot which I'm sure I will have great times with this semester! I was also happy to celebrate my New Year's with some old friends (Kristin, Megan, and Mason) while watching Pineapple Express at my house and watching Steve Kardynal YouTube videos, lol. It's been a fun break so far, but it could be funner. I guess it's time to make that happen too.

Enough blogging for today, so until next time!

Oh Yoshimi...

2010-12-16T21:38:00.002-06:00

It's OVER! No more finals, no more classes, no more obligations! At least not until 2011. =) Now that's being optimistic!

I've got so many plans. I never go through with any plans that I make... ever. So this time I want to stay true to my word! Well, I've been fighting off a few tasks, such as upgrading my internet speed at my apartment from .5 Mb/s, talking to the apartment office about changing our move out date (per their request), and restoring my laptop to factory settings and applications... and I took care of all that! So I'm feeling powerful and like I can conquer anything (lol). So let's make a to-do list for Christmas break and actually stick to it!

- Join Anytime Fitness for the time I am in Beeville (and lose at least 5 pounds in a month)
- Read at least two of the books I checked out from the library a few weeks ago
- Keep up the Christmas jazz combo plans and follow through with playing for tips by Walmart
- Earn some money doing SOMEthing

That's all I've got for now. Hmph, I don't even want to know how much I weigh right now. =/ I've gained a pretty good amount of weight over the past 3 years, I'm sure, even though last summer I worked out almost daily. I didn't lose any - just maintained. So now I've got to work on my diet as well as my work out plan. I'm sure I can handle it!!

Restoring my laptop seemed to eliminate many issues, as I had hoped it would. Now, when powering up the Firestudio, the laptop instantly recognizes and feeds audio through it without any hassle or needless reboots. I have SO much more hard drive space because there are no more programs lingering that I don't use. I even set up Apple Mail to receive my Texas State e-mail, which is very convenient, actually. Since yesterday I have been sitting around sucking up electricity and playing with my seemingly new toys =P Fast internet & a clean computer. I shall continue to do so. Until next time!

You Make Me Ssstuttahh

2010-12-11T00:22:00.002-06:00

I'm chillin' in "The Blue Room" at my apartment, doing some listening through my KRKs, thinking about everything I need to do tomorrow. I MUST finish my two final projects by the end of the day tomorrow. One of which is a mix of a Pro Tools session that Billy provided. I spent most of my free time during last Saturday's shift at the studio working on it, so I think my ears got used to it and I stopped progressing towards a good sound. With fresh ears, I will correct my wrongs tomorrow. The other project I've got is a composition for a commercial, the video was also provided by Billy. I've hardly got any ideas for it, and it was actually due two Thursdays ago, but he extended the deadline to this coming Monday/Tuesday, so I should technically be finished. I'm horrible when it comes to composing, but it's whatever because I know it will get done by the deadline. I do this ALL the time.

I should really be asleep. It's 12:30am and I have to wake up at 7:30am =/ but I'll survive it somehow.

Two more finals left for me - Monday: Electronics; Tuesday: Physics. I'm not worried at all about Electronics since we've tested over all of the material already, besides op amps, which he's providing equations for anyway. Physics, on the other hand, I'm not feeling so confident about. I'm trying to get a study session planned with the SRT guys who are in the class with me, and it seems like it will work out! That will help a bit, as long as we can stay on track lol.

I finished reading This is Your Brain on Music recently. It's a very interesting read, although some of it was just passing information to me. The guy who wrote it, Daniel J. Levithin, is a producer/engineer turned neurologist. He's got a cool background and a lot of thoughts to share. It never got boring, just a bit over my head. He explains things very well, but anatomy and biology are not my favorite fields. It is a must-read though, for sure. I feel like I'm contradicting myself in this mini-review, but I'm tired lol. Forgive me. Anywho, I am now onto reading The Art of Mixing by David Gibson. Check it out.

Man, I've been to two stomach-filling parties in the past week! That's not good, so I did a little aerobics for about 20 minutes before I started typing this blog. Tuesday night was fun - Danny and I went to Alex Johnson's apartment for a kind of potluck party. We brought deviled eggs and a green bean casserole. It was fun playing Apples to Apples and Taboo with the group. Then, a couple of hours ago, I went to Sue Cobb's house - a GORGEOUS house here in San Marcos. This party was for Anne's church choir, which I am a member of.. at least for this Christmas' cantata, which we will be performing this Sunday night!

I don't have much of a weekend coming up. Work tomorrow. Recording and performing Sunday. I worked at the Mac Lab pretty much all day today too, 9:45am-12:00pm, 12:30pm-5:00pm. That's a total of 6.75 hours right there. This will be a fat paycheck (or so I hope!). After Tuesday, though, I'm free to spend my time however I want, except for the one hour I volunteered to work in the Mac Lab from 10am-11am lol, but that's no big deal. AND I get to go to Fiesta Texas on the 19th, though I won't get to do much most of the time I'm there, but for four hours Danny and I can do whatever we want. It'll be pretty cold, but I think it'll still be okay for riding rollercoasters... multiple rollercoasters... multiple times... =D! Then I FINALLY get to go home to Beeville on the 20th. I also have plans with Danny to perform some jazzed up Christmas tunes around Beeville to earn some money. I still need to contact Walmart to see if we can play for tips outside between the 20th and 25th! Shorty's, as well, and anyone else who might take us! If you have ideas, please let us know. =)

Well, that's enough of my chit-chat. I'm sorry that my blogs are meaningless. They were much more interesting during my high school days. You should read those if you're ever bored and want to learn about my past lol. If you don't care, then don't do it... it'll save you a few moments of your life. Eh, I'm sleepy. Goodnight! Until next time!

Gots To Be A G Til' The Day That I Die

2010-10-23T13:38:00.003-05:00

Right now I am working my Saturday shift at the Fire Station Studios. I go from 9:00AM - 6:00PM, so I currently have 4 hours left here today. Being here for 9 hours isn't as tedious as it sounds. I do have work I should be doing but I decided to break for a blog. This semester seems to be much easier than semesters past here at Texas State. I just turned in my MIDI instrumental of Michael Jackson's Thriller on Thursday. I have a recording project due on November 15th. That one consists of taking Lil' Keke's "Gots to be a G" and recording our own creative versions of it. I chose to take it in the emo/screamo direction. I got drums tracked last night and will be doing guitar, piano, bass, and vocals tomorrow and hopefully be done with it. Mixing is not required... in fact, it's not allowed. Bobby, my professor, just wants to hear the raw tracks we record. It also makes this project a little less hectic, lol, but either way, I could deal with it in the timeframe I have. I've got the A room tomorrow from 9:00AM - 1:00PM and the C room from 5:00PM to whenever. I think I can make do with that time. :)! I also have a mixing assignment due Thursday that I have yet to touch, but I will have a lot of free time after tomorrow to work on that. Of course, I plan on working on it some today before I head out.

Outside of school, I'd say my life is great. I hardly have a life outside of school, but it's tough to do so. I finished Leonor's demo. I'm somewhat satisfied with it - I wish I had better software and plug-ins at home to make it better. I could always redo it in Pro Tools at the studio. Although I won't really be able to change the fact that I don't have actual instruments on there - it's all MIDI besides some guitar. Anyway, if you want to check it out, here you go: http://www.myspace.com/549715833

I still need to get on that Pool of Dreams demo - the band that Danny's in. I haven't started mixing or anything - I think I'm going to use Pro Tools for that so that it has a better chance of sounding good... there are four studios here with different sets of monitors that I can listen through for reference. Danny actually went to Beeville last night and is on his way back already. The band got together and spent some time rehearsing... while my momma was nice enough to do some of our laundry. :D!

That's all for now. Until next time!

You Are the Only Exception

2010-09-25T20:28:00.003-05:00

So I'm sitting in on a buddy's mixing session at the Fire Station with my laptop on hand. I was reorganizing my browser's bookmarks and realized I haven't blogged in a while, so here goes. Hello world. :)

So now I'm a junior at Texas State University. I'm aiming for a Bachelor of Science in sound recording technology, which is a fancy way of saying audio engineering, or is it the other way around? Ehh, it's whatever. I'm not sure where life will take me after I have my degree, but I'm considering grad school for a focus on acoustics. Math and science seem to be my deal, but it's all fun and games in the end anyway. We'll see how my life turns out.

As far as my career goes currently, I am working on a demo that I started recording this summer. I met Leonor Garcia at Sonic this past summer, who enjoys singing and writing lyrics and melodies. She doesn't have any music theory or terminology beneath her, so it was an interesting new experience for me to work with someone outside of my comfort zone. I took a few a cappella recordings of her just to look into what she does and how I should approach her style. She tends to write slow, sad melodies, so my boyfriend Danny and I got together and chunked through the recording I'd done as he harmonized the melodies and I opinionated over everything, ha. Ultimately, both our visions were combined to create the music behind the voice. After all of our hours of ups and downs of writing/recording, we are finally close to finishing up the demo. I love it because it showcases each one of us - Leonor's voice, Danny's music, my vision and mixing. I am trying to find a real pianist to record some improv stuff for one of the songs because I feel it is too empty. And the hardest song to comp vocals for is her techno/dance song that we got her to do. There is quite a variety going on between the four songs, ha. You'll see how that turns out, I'm sure. I will release them just as soon as they're finished.

I am also about to start mixing Danny's band's demo - Pool of Dreams. I want to finish Leonor's stuff first and also coordinate time that Danny and I will have free together so that I can get his input on a few things before I really get into it. I do have a lot of free time this semester, though, so I need to get on that while I have time.

I better go - I'm Skyping with my nieces and am probably going to go home soon. Until next time!

2010-06-26T17:38:00.001-05:00

Our hotel seemed shady. I felt uncomfortable leaving my things there while we were at Sweetwater. But man, I learned quite a few things from some acousticians there. This one guy, Gavin Haverstick, spoke about treating small rooms and it was a great presentation. He used to be the leading guy at Auralex and now has his own acoustic consultant firm, Haverstick Designs or something. But he taught me a lot. Then I went to the Auralex booth in the product tents and met a woman who basically designs rooms all day by making models for customers seeking advice. She was cool. I would love to have either of those jobs. I also learned more about working at Sweetwater. More on all this later. We're about to enter Chicago.

2010-06-24T20:37:00.001-05:00

We found out a few hours ago that Fort Wayne is in Eastern time... That's one hour later than I'm used to. We are about 20 minutes away from the hotel, which means we'll be there at 10pm est. When I called the hotel the other day they said we could check in at 2am at the latest... So we'll see how cooperative they are. I used Priceline and found a Howard Johnson Inn, and this was months in advance. Hopefully everything turns out right! then GearFest tomorrow at 12pm! I'm excited! I hope I sleep well because I didn't sleep much in the past 26 hours that we've been on the road. We had to fill up with gas about 6 times so far. Many more pumps to go in the next few days. On Saturday we'll be driving an extra 3 hours to get to Chicago.

2010-06-24T15:30:00.003-05:00

So there was a crapload of construction here in Illinois a while ago. We lost an hour... that really sucks. We still have 5.5 hours left to drive and we just filled up the tank and bought some healthy snacks... Well, I can say that lol.

2010-06-24T15:30:00.001-05:00

2010-06-24T11:17:00.001-05:00

We passed through Mississippi and Tennessee. Its unfortunate we don't have time to sightsee on the road. Graceland was regretfully passed by :-(. Now we're in Arkansas and have Missouri, Illinois, and most of Indiana to drive through. All this for a GearFest that had better be worth it! Anyway, 8 hours and 45 minutes estimated to go. Hopefully we're on schedule and get there between 8 and 9 pm.

2010-06-24T04:23:00.001-05:00

So I'm on the road to Sweetwater Gearfest in Fort Wayne, Indiana with Danny, my mom, and my little brother. We didn't stay on 59, but took a seemingly faster route by going on I-10 E and we're about to enter onto I-55. So we've already driven through Louisiana and Mississippi is next. Its been a mixture of fun and frustrating, but I'm loving the time I'm spending with a few people I love very much. Now if the rest of my family and pets were with me, it'd be even better :-p I will update again soon!

I'm Not Cocky, I Just Love Myself

2010-06-10T20:58:00.002-05:00

Woo! It's summer time! So many good things happening, although my days aren't nearly as productive as they should be at this point in my life. That's okay - I have a job, I'm making new friends, and I'm taking two online classes. I miss seeing my old friends, though, but I haven't gotten any calls to hang out. Just FYI, my work schedule is Monday-Saturday 12-5!!!

Right now I am LOVING Christina Aguilera's new album Bionic. There is a lot of electronica going on, but it's very interesting to hear her in this way. Her voice is still as bad-ass as ever and I've always loved the content of her songs, music and lyrics together. My title today is the intro of her song Vanity, a GREAT one!

So I've been a member of Anytime fitness since the 15th of last month and have been going often, although not every day like I hoped I would, especially since I started working at Sonic last Wednesday. This is the fourth time I've been hired, lol, but they know I go to school and they seem to love having me back every time. I must say, I really miss the old crew - Denise and Amber especially. We made working there so much fun! But now I've got Lenore and Hannah! :P Anywho, about Anytime Fitness, $146 for 3 months is not a bad price at all. I do 30-60 minutes of cardio and some abs every day, and every other day I work out my arms... but that's only when I go consistently. Sometimes my schedule won't allow it, ha.

Danny and I are total Netflix nerds. I've already finished Dead Like Me, Seasons 1 and 2 and the movie. We're in the middle of Season 4 of Lost, Season 5 of CSI, and Season 1 of Dexter... and I'm in the middle of Season 1 of Heroes. I watch a lot of TV when I can, these shows are so addicting! And having a PS3 and wireless internet is an amazing addition to having a Netflix account, might I add.

I don't think I mentioned it, but I bought myself some KRK Rokit 8s last month! Right now I'm enjoying listening to my iTunes through them and I can't wait until I can utilize them when I'm mixing! My next big purchase will hopefully contain Logic Studio. I would love to own Pro Tools, but it's so expensive to save up for because of all the required hardware. Right now I'm actually saving up for the Studiolive 24.4.2. People always ask me why I need such a big mixer, but dude, I'm building up my gear collection! And it's not for that purpose, obviously. I plan on using all my possessions to their full potential someday. But the Studiolive seems like the PERFECT solution to any of my current and near-future needs. I have a lot of other things on my wishlist but I will reveal them when I'm nearer to the time of purchase. One thing at a time, for sure.

I feel like singing! Until next time!

Run Far Away

2010-04-10T23:51:00.002-05:00

I really miss my old blogging days. Today I was reading over some of those blogs from 2005 and once in a while didn't even recognize myself. I seemed to have a much deeper form of thought than I do now. Everything these days seems to be plain and simple with no real meaning or need for contemplation. That just goes to show how much I've changed over the years... I'm less adventurous, less fun, less witty. I miss the younger me. My original purpose for reading over those blogs anyway was to find some kind of inspiration for this song I'm supposed to be writing or have written by now. In one of my classes I have to write an original song, get it recorded and mixed. Basically, I'm the producer. But I still have yet to start writing some lyrics I actually like, because that's what I'm trying to start with anyway since no other approach seems to be working. I'm not scared of sounding too cheesy, I'm just not getting my thoughts across on paper much anymore. I don't write at all, now that I think about it. I used to write letters and some weird form of poetry and blogs... daily... all throughout high school. None of those things could I actually call good material, but still. I might've improved had I continued down that road. I'll never know now.

Well, the thing is... I could probably get something good out of looking at my past thoughts but the only subject I keep coming up with is the fact that I keep living in the past. I really do miss those days. The days when my friends were all living in the same town and we all shared one single interest... having fun. And I like to think that they changed and moved on but really I think I'm the one who has changed the most, and for the worse. I did see once Sarah during Spring Break, and man, it felt so right to be sitting there with her having a conversation. I felt myself again for once, like the real me. None of this righteous attitude shit that I put on every day now. And then it came to me... I'm really not happy about who I am. I want to be that confident woman that could give a flying fuck about what anyone else thinks of her. I want to be that smiling face that everyone feels so welcomed to talk to about anything. I want to be the old me. Of course there is no natural way on earth that I can just conjure up my old personality, but if there was I'd surely try it. But I really need to stop thinking about the past and continuously finding things that remind me of someone from the good ole days and just be me. Oh, get a grip, Melissa!

Well, I'm very glad that my latest SRT project (a band demo lab) was complimented on several times and that makes me very proud of my work. I've only completed 2 out of 4 of those songs for that demo and I'm trying to get all 4 finished so that I can give the completed mixes to the band, a local worship cover band. It was a fun and... interesting... project, given all of the quirky, unconventional ways that we did it, but it works! As for another sophomore SRT class of mine, I've done 2 out of 3 observations. I need one more, whether it be at a recording studio or live sound gig or radio station. I'll figure something out, of course. I will not risk failing!!

I'd better go now, I need to keep working on this song thing. Until next time!

*To all my buddies, old and current: I love you all and thank you for putting up with me in the past and present. I know I'm not the most pleasant person to be around, but I am really glad to know you all. :) And if we haven't seen each other in a while, I'd really like to get to know you again this summer. <3

Bring Along Your Tricks and Trade

2009-12-22T20:28:00.002-06:00

It has been a long semester for me, my third at Texas State. I'm so glad to have gotten through it (finally) and to have reaped the rewards of good, hard work. Grades were posted yesterday and I was all smiles when, to my surprise, I earned one B and the rest were A's. I didn't think that would happen, but since it did I will not question it. I would like to thank all my instructors (as well as my friends) for making it a great semester! I wouldn't have wanted it to end any other way.

So I'm getting a little more familiar with audio every day. I need to continue in heightening my listening skills, since I haven't touched up on those since school ended. But I've been reading a lot and have found the information to be very helpful. I've also been considering my options for the future. Pro Tools, as expensive as it is, is not anywhere in my price range. Logic Studio, on the other hand, is. I don't know if I should hold out for a Pro Tools system or if I should start small and purchase Logic (although I could call it "starting small" and purchase Pro Tools later in life). I don't know - if you have an opinion on that, please share it. The only gear I have right now is a Presonus Firestudio 26x26 and 8 CAD mics. I plan on expanding slowly... my next big step is to purchase some monitors, possibly two 6" KRK Rokits and a subwoofer... although that will run up to about $750 or $800. We'll see, I guess, what I can do. With my job at the Mac lab in the music building at Texas State, it's not impossible. I can make up for spending that much by the end of the semester so nothing's really lost. If you have any other suggestions as a fellow audiophile, please comment!

Alright, well I have better things to do than sit here and update my blog. Just so you know, not much is new with me. I'm just happy to be home and seeing my older brother who recently came home for R&R from Iraq and visiting some friends. It will be a memorable break, I'm hoping. Until next time!

It Ain't Easy Livin' Free

2009-10-25T19:32:00.003-05:00

It's been about 2 months. I don't like to skip so much time in between updates... but keeping up with a blog is far from one of my priorities. Right now it's all about family, Danny, school, and finances. All is well within them, I must mention. My mom and I are probably the closest we've ever been. "Distance makes the heart grow fond." Whoever said that knew what they were talking about, lol. I wish I spoke to my dad more often, but whenever I call home he's hard at work at the prison. And my little brother is officially a teenager so I can't really keep up with him, but I do love the stinker. As for my older brother, I haven't heard from him personally in such a long time. He's in Iraq and it's hard to keep in touch. His duties call and I can only hope that he is safe.

Danny and I are livin' it up in our townhome. I'm enjoying it here a lot. Not many more bug problems after the initial few, which is great. And we just recently decided that we're going to make use of the dishwasher since washing dishes is tough to keep up with, lol. And living together, you would think that we'd be spending more quality time together. It's kind of hard! We still have our own things to take care of and there's always something of priority to do. But we do find time to sit and eat together while watching an episode of CSI or Weeds. :D! Nonetheless, things are well between us. I love him so much. <3

My buddy/accompanist Anne has been a lot of fun to hang out with. :D! From the Devil's backbone to ice cream at Marble Slab, we had a good time driving around yesterday. I'm gonna steal some of her pictures off of Facebook in a minute, assuming she's already uploaded them, lol. I'm finally starting to get out more. I feel like such an anti-social loser sometimes, and that's definitely not a good thing to be, ha.

As for school... man, it's demanding this semester. Next semester will be the same, or harder, I predict. Being a "froshmore" is really screwing with my grades, man. If I could have had a normal timeline, I'm sure I would have all A's right now. That's okay, I will bounce right back, I'm sure. There are just so many things I need to take care of... observation hours is one of the most strenuous, although fun once I do it! It's just that finding the time to get my butt to the studio is the hard part, but only for now. I'm sure it'll get easier down the line. I enjoy my time there, though, I really do. :)! We recently finished a lab where we had to record an acoustic song. I teamed up with Dustin and we recorded Danny playing Shinedown's 45 on my acoustic guitar... and he also spiced it up with a little tambourine and ride/suspended cymbal. It was really cool, and hopefully we'll use it for the next lab, which is for vocals. I wonder if I can find someone to do it... because I don't want to end up being the singer! lol. We listen to these in class, so yeah. :P! My voice lessons seem to be going well, by the way. I think Dr. Mungo has helped me eliminate a lot of strain... I've noticed that the veins in my neck pop out a lot when I sing, which is a sign of tension and constriction in the throat. I've been relieving myself of that and it's changed my sound a bit, and I'm happy with that. OO, and I have a question for you. Dr. Mungo is allowing me to choose my fourth song for the semester. So far I have sung Bel Piacere (Handel), Amarilli Mia Bella (Cacinni), and I am now working on The Crucifixion (Barber). Those are all operatic pieces, so he wants me to find a modern day style, uptempo song. I really don't know what to aim for here... there are endless possibilities. Could you give me a list of suggestions? :)! It could be jazzy, or country, or anything in between... except for epic songs like those by Christina Aguilera or Whitney Houston, lol. Nothing like that. I'm sure you get what I mean. I want to see what you all can come up with!

Ahh, I'm waiting for my new MIDI keyboard to come in the mail. It's an M-Audio Oxygen 61. It was only $143, so that's why I got 61 keys. Otherwise I would've stuck to the 49. I'm going to be so happy when I finally receive it! There were some issues with the seller on Amazon that I was first ordering it from so that wasted about a week until I finally ordered from someone else for much cheaper. I bought it from Zzounds.com. It's my first time doing business with them, so we'll see how this turns out. As for EZMart.net - it seems like I hit a great deal with the Presonus Firestudio that Danny and I split! The power cord, though, when connected to the console with the console turned on is kinda acting funky... when fondled or bumped the Presonus will suddenly turn off and on, causing my MacBook Pro to force me to restart! That doesn't seem cool. And aside from a little bit of static when it's first turned on and completely disappears after a while, I'm having no other accountable issues. It's a really solid product too and is sooo pretty, lol. I'm so happy to be owning one!

Ok, I'd better go and get some aural homework done. Until next time!

Check This Hand 'Cause I'm Marvelous

2009-08-26T23:59:00.002-05:00

Ello! Time for an update, I suppose. Moving in was fun... unpacking and cleaning the place up was another story. But I must say that the apartment is awesome - at least to me it is. Danny might say otherwise. There have been a little bit of mishaps concerning roaches and me, though, but other than that it's a beautiful apartment. It's a one bed, one and a half bath, 2-story townhome that I have made my home. :)!

Tonight ends the first day of classes. I'm glad to have gotten that over with. This morning was great - hanging out with some old buddies of mine that I hadn't seen or heard from all summer. This afternoon was another story. Although I got to go home and unwind a bit because there was no choir at 12:30... well, I was VERY late to my 3:30 class - my first sound recording class. I blame the buses! To make a long story short: a bus driver didn't stop at my stop even though I pulled the damn cord and so she had me wait till she drove all the way back around through the route again... which was around 45 minutes long. And it was the only bus going that way... so starting tomorrow - fuck the buses! I'm soooo walking. It's not far anyway, so that was such a waste of my time. OH WELL!

But yeah, other than that pathetic story, everything has been fantastic... especially my job at the Mac lab in the music building. Perfect job for me - I get to sit back and chill and pull out my laptop and do whatever the hell I want. That is, of course, unless someone needs to sign up for an account for the lab or someone attempts to steal. In that case, I do have to move around a little, ha. But I work only an hour and a half a day Monday-Friday. That's a whole 7 and a half hours a week! lol - Not bad, eh?

So I ordered a Victoria's Secret bikini because of a sale going on - $10 a piece for a bikini! Well, the top was too small for my planetary boobs... heh. So I'm exchanging it for a size bigger and hopefully it works out. If it doesn't, well then I'm gonna have to deal with it... and so is the world. Sorry, they want to release themselves from their holding cells. You can't control that urge, really. But now I have some motivation to lose weight! I worked out HARD today with Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred video. I see results fast with that thing when doing it a few days in a row. Pretty awesome and intense for a 20 minute workout. You want results? Go her way, definitely. And four people told me I look thinner today! Woo! I did about a week and a half's worth of working out in the summer... but hey, it made a noticeable difference (unless they just remember me as really big or something). Who knows?

I should go to bed. It's morning. Until next time!

Life Is A Show

2009-08-03T23:36:00.003-05:00

Well, my last day of work at Sonic turned out to be yesterday, lol. I called in today determined to not show up anymore due to the desire to spend more time at home with my family (and hopefully some friends). So it's officially over and I'm so much more happier to know that I don't have to deal with that load of crap anymore. I miss my coworkers already, though. :(

Four more days until move-in! My apartment is waiting for me and I can't wait to walk in. I hope I'm not disappointed - but I can make the best out of the worst, especially after experiencing such nonsense at the dorms. Such a small room and not-well-maintained restrooms. I had a great roommate though, but I must say I am looking forward to living with my new one this coming school year. Danny seems to be pretty excited about all of this too. The only thing we're missing now is a queen bed. I would just be content with a mattress and box spring. I thought we had one lined up but apparently that's not working out. I'm frustrated, but oh well. A twin mattress will do... again. It's not like I'm used to sleeping on a queen bed or anything, but it would be rather nice now that I'm living on my own with Danny. I like the roominess of a queen.

I am receiving a good amount of financial aid this coming year. That's pretty exciting news for me too. Last year was no different, but I earned my scholarships without the aid of high school counselors so I feel even more accomplished. I've received a $300 scholarship/shopping spree (pretty much) for the University Bookstore, a $1000 Gamma Phi Delta scholarship, a $2000 scholarship through Texas State, and a $2000 scholarship from STARS. I am very proud of my earnings and am very thankful to all those who contributed to my education. My loans this year will be minimal and I am that much more worry-free about my future finances.

Well I'm through for now. Maybe my next update will be from my new home! Until next time!

2009-07-27T23:23:00.001-05:00

Well, the Mayhem tickets finally made it through the mail today. It's official! And yesterday Danny and I bought a couch set with nice suede couch covers all for $30 at a garage sale in town. That was a great buy. Now we found out that we still need a queen bed - no fun in searching for that, I tell you. It's official that my last day of working at Sonic will be August 5th. After tonight that means only 6 more horrid days of being enslaved by the ever so repulsive she-who-shall-not-be-named. And my brother will be in town from Washington by then before he leaves for Iraq. Lots and lots of things to think about.

That's a wrap for my mini blog. Until next time!

2009-07-22T02:35:00.001-05:00

Well, mommy's home! Now time to sleep and take it easy until worktime at Sonic tomorrow.

I Keep the Faith

2009-07-20T22:01:00.002-05:00

I'm still bathing in anticipation for next month because of my new apartment, but there are other reasons to be excited now. My mom is finally going to come home from her trip in Washington tomorrow at midnight. Thank goodness everything with my sister-in-law's health turned out well and I'm glad to be saying that. And my mom's bringing some gifts with her on the plane as well, one of my nieces and my nephew! The rest of the family will be driving down around August 2nd or 3rd. I haven't seen any of them in maybe a year or something, I haven't really kept track, but I can't wait to see them all! It's going to be great, but unfortunately I only get to spend 3 weeks with everyone because I'm due back in San Marcos in mid-August. At least I get time with them at all, though. And right now I feel that working at Sonic will get in the way so I plan my last day to be August 5th. That way I can dedicate myself entirely to my family and whatever friends that want to hang with me before I go back to school. Money is important, but not as important as all the people in my life. The reason I'm feeling a little emotional about all this is because after seeing my older brother for the short time I can, he is leaving us August 14th back to Washington to be deported to Iraq. I wish he wouldn't be going at all, but since that's not my decision to be making I can only hope he's safe during his stay there.

Man, I want a Kindle, lol. Have you heard about those things? They make reading seem so much more efficient - I would LOVE to have one of those. Right now I'm trying to get through Interview with a Vampire but it's taking forever. Shoot, if I could have someone or something read it to me like a Kindle, I'd be so much more satisfied with my reading. Those things are $299 though and I can't afford that right now. Maybe next summer... or sooner like Christmas break. I don't know because I also want a new iPod. I ran out of gigs on the one I already have, lol. It seemed impossible when I first bought it, but damn. That was two years ago anyway, I think. Times change so rapidly, eh? Even then, I don't think I can afford either of those things. I need an audio interface so I can utilize the microphones I just paid $100 for while I'm in San Marcos... and seating for my apartment (which I may have to cover with beanbags for all I know right now)... among other more important items, like GROCERIES. Blech.

I did blow $58 yesterday, by the way, on Ticketmaster. But it will be sooo worth it. I will be attending Mayhem Festival with great seats close to the stage from 3 PM to who knows when on August 14th in San Antonio. :D! Marilyn Manson, Slayer, KSE, Bullet for my Valentine, Trivium, White Chapel, and six other bands will be there - definitely worth $58. The ticket price was actually $39 but with all the fees and junk... well, you get the picture. But yeah, I'm totally looking forward to that.

That's all I got for now. Until next time!

2009-07-17T13:53:00.001-05:00

I've been technologically lazy in the past few days. I haven't really been keeping up on Facebook or Myspace. I'm too busy sleeping, watching movies, working at Sonic, experimenting at the studio, working out daily, and hanging out with new friends. it doesn't seem like much, but I'm pretty busy. I do wish to hang out with other friends but I guess I'm too lame for anyone to call. I'll survive either way.

Well there's my little update. Until next time!

2009-06-27T10:18:00.001-05:00

There was an employee meeting this morning at Sonic. Now I'm waiting for this next hour to pass until I clock in. I did win in the money drawing this morning... $10! That was an exciting moment since it was my first win in all the times I've worked here.

Its already going to be mid-summer and I can't believe it. I wish my mom was in town so that I could spend some time with her before I have to leave in August. Unfortunately I won't see her again until the 21st. She's in Washington helping out with my neices and nephew while my sis-n-law is in the hospital for a pancreas infection. I think she's getting better. Man, but I sure am excited about the apartment. Until next time!

It's the Climb

2009-06-16T12:15:00.006-05:00

Summer's been good to me so far, although I haven't had much time for friends or get togethers of any sort. I'm sure you've noticed I haven't even had the energy to text a mini-blog from my cell phone recently. It's all my fault anyway - man, why do I have to be so determined to get an education and earn money to get there? Poo on me, lol. No, I've just been busy with two summer courses (speech and state government) that are about two and a half hours long each. I've also been taking care of business by working at Sonic... again. It figures that I'd be working there again, but I do get paid well. I have been closing a lot, though coming in about 2 hours later than the shift begins so I don't have as many hours as I would hope. I'll be getting paid for about 47 hours this paycheck and I start working on the next one tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow anyway because of my schedule. First I must spend two and a half hours in state government, another two and half hours in speech, then after that I must spend about two hours in some room watching a video so that I can get a food handler's license. It's sad that I haven't gotten one yet, but oh well. I'm not too late. Then after the license stuff I have to go to work. How wonderful.

Today I rented CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (The Complete First Season) from CBC's library. I'm excited about this fact because I would like to see these earlier episodes. I've only been watching CSI for the past two months, I think. I fell in love with the show instantly. I'm hoping to get some good background information out of watching this, mainly. It'd be nice if I could also follow the episodes in sequence and continue on to the second season and so on. Like I said, I love the show.

I have a 3 minute speech due tomorrow as part of a group project. There are six people in my group. The class theme is "How to Improve the Environment" while my group's theme revolves around "Law and Legal Issues". It's cool - at first I was covering animal rights but I couldn't narrow down the topic enough, so now I'm covering global warming. It's a much simpler topic to discuss. I already have a page down (double-spaced), and I want about two for my speech so that I'll be able to speak for 3 minutes. BLAH! How I hate school.

Anywho, I just got back from Hong Kong Palace where Danny and I had a late lunch after watching four episodes of CSI. It's been fun but now I need to finish my speech. Until next time!

2009-05-25T21:28:00.001-05:00

I just fell in love with some lyrics from Regina Spektor's On The Radio:

You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

2009-05-17T01:08:00.001-05:00

I'm finally in Beeville. I haven't gotten to see any friends of mine yet, but that's tomorrow's task. Man, it just HAD to pour rain today of all days. It made transporting a bed and mattress in a pickup so much more difficult. That's okay because Danny's awesome parents took us out to Red Lobster. Yum!

2009-05-14T12:20:00.001-05:00

I just got my hair cut at a local salon in San Marcos. It was pretty pricey for a shampoo and cut (35) but I love it. I guess you have to see it to know. Danny is in the hot seat now getting a trim. I must say.. This place is pretty cool and I might become a regular. Walmart seems cheaper so I'm not sure. I just like the people, I guess.

I met with Mr. Erickson this morning, my new advisor/the director of SRT. I'm excited to get started on my career! And I'm also getting those voice lessons I've been waiting for all year! Things are looking up for me after all!

2009-05-13T23:55:00.001-05:00

I just received an email from TXState Government stating that I am a recipient of their $300 University Bookstore scholarship! That is fantastic news!

In other (mobile-worthy) news, I'm very upset that I will be missing my bud Kristin's graduation from CBC. I already missed her high school graduation due to severe sickness - I remember I was bedridden for the night with a few trips to the toilet, ha. But man, this time it's because Danny's parents are picking us up from el colegio (teehee) on Saturday and I'd like to wait for that... I just they could pick us up a day earlier!! I'm sorry Kristin!

I shopped in the past 3 days at Rue21, Shoe Carnival, and Hot Topic - looking for the best deals of course. I got 2 pairs of heels for just $15... Amazing!

If U Seek Amy

2009-05-11T23:35:00.002-05:00

Things have definitely been going in my favor lately and I'm pretty excited about things happening and things to come in the future. First, allow me to say that my dad has been progressing well. He went home from the hospital last Monday and has been lounging around before starting work sometime soon. He still seems to be pretty weak, but it'll all pass, I'm sure. Also, Danny's car trouble came to an end (I think). He got all four tires replaced and aligned - his car is 4WD so it's pretty high-maintenance and costly too. We've been happy with the result... no more flat tires, lol. So those issues have been tended to.

I am so thankful to have my MacBook Pro around. It is quite the accessory. That, along with having Windows installed on it as well as Mac OSX. And my Palm Centro is also a WONDERFUL phone to own. I am very happy with all my recent large purchases.

Danny and I just signed our lease last week for next semester's apartment. We will be living at Shalamar in a one bedroom two-story townhome with my doggy Maxi. I am very ecstatic about the move, which will be August 7th. I hope everything turns out well by living here. There were a few things on the lease that made me skeptical about signing but it's already too late to look elsewhere. I don't mind trying this place out for 10 months. Plus, I just want my own place already. Just a few more months and I'll be good to go.

Next semester will be great, I predict. Danny and I are going to have our apartment... and our dog. I just found out last week that I was accepted into the Sound Recording Technology (SRT) program here at Texas State and am very excited to get started on that curriculum, of course. My exact words when I read the letter: FINAL-FUCKING-LY! I know, I'm hilarious. I'll soon be on my way to living my dream. Also, I have a job in place for me already for work-study in the Mac lab of the music building. Perfect! The hours are already figured out and everything.

This summer, I have a few projects in mind. First, I'm going to find a job because I am in desperate need of money, as any college student may be. I'm not sure where to look, though. My mom took me to Sonic a few weekends ago and I was disgusted by what I saw and would rather not work there again. I need something much more relaxed, especially since I'm starting a new diet/exercise plan for myself. Sonic will just tire me out too quickly. I am also going to take POSI 2320 (Government II) at CBC over the first summer session so I can have that done already. I took the first portion last summer and it proved to be rather easy and that's what I'm hoping I can expect out of this second one. I'm also thinking about turning my bedroom in Beeville into a little studio - for recording music and video. I would really like to start writing some songs with Danny and really finishing them. We have two that really need some touching up before I do anything else with him. It's driving me crazy how I can never finish any project I start. As for the video part, Kristin and I are going to come up with a YouTube channel to see what we can do with our crazy personalities. We're going to make a green screen on one side of my room and use it to our full advantage. That'll be something to remember! The last thing I'm planning for the summer is my trip to Washington to visit my big bro and his family. Supposedly they are all moving to Beeville in August before my bro gets deployed to Iraq, but I'd like to travel anyway. I hope Danny decides to come with me so we can have some fun outside of Texas. I don't think he's been outside of Texas, besides his trips to Mexico... hmm.

I have been keeping myself safe from swine flu. I don't have it - no one I know has obtained it. I think we are in the clear. I hope everyone else around me can say the same. I haven't heard of any cases in Beeville. Well, anyway, I'm waiting for Danny to come back from the music building so that I can help him finish writing a research paper, due tomorrow. I'll update again later. By the way, I just enabled blog-updating from my phone, so expect to see little messages from me more often than what I have been doing. Until next time!

High And Low

2009-04-26T22:10:00.002-05:00

This weekend has been about the worst I've ever had, and the issues are still ongoing as I type. I hope all this trouble will subside soon. Let me tell you the story in sequential order.

First, I must mention last weekend, though I'm not involved in the story until this weekend began. My dad went jogging normally last Saturday afternoon with no problems. Come Sunday he was stuck on the couch with heavy pain in his lungs, not being the kind of man who likes to admit defeat when sick. He thought it was nothing so he continued his work at the prison on Monday. Tuesday, my mom made an appointment for him so he went in to see the local Dr. Hogue. There, he was diagnosed with fluid in the lungs and what Dr. Hogue said was the beginning of pneumonia, though it wasn't quite there. He was put on an antibiotic and a temporary inhaler. The only other medication he takes is one for acid reflux (which I think is being passed down to me, but that's beside the point). He has had no prior medical history other than that, so him being sick like this is very random.

Danny and I decided to drive home this weekend, to the surprise of my parents. It was great coming home and I spent a lot of time with the family. Danny was playing guitar with my little bro and one of his buddies. That was special. :)! That was pretty much the night. Saturday was tiring, due to all the laundry I had to rush to do (only to get some of it done due to later incidents) and cleaning and organizing. I was to leave today at 1 PM with Danny so that he could make it to a double-gold event (a concert worth a grade in his music education degree). Well, on Saturday, Danny was playing City Life and I sitting by his side watching, feeling bad that I didn't get to make it to hang out with Kristin, Anna, Megan, and Jessy. I knew my dad had been having trouble breathing while laying down and whatnot and that he had to sleep sitting up for the three or four nights before Saturday. It was about 12:30 AM when I hear my mom in the hallway say worriedly, "Melissa...". For some reason, I automatically knew something was wrong and my heart pretty much sunk and I had so much adrenaline in the rest of my body to last me the duration of the morning. I ran from my room, knocking over the barstool I was resting on and without any care of running into or damaging anything else around me and I saw my dad. Danny was still confused as to what was going on until he saw my dad, and that's when he jumped up as well. My dad had been laying down attempting to sleep when he started coughing. He sat up and couldn't talk and was having a hard time breathing. His diaphram, in my theory, was contracting (almost like a hiccup) but was very painful due to the liquid in his lungs. He was kind of heaving and could hardly walk. I yelled Danny's name and told him to hurry as I grabbed his arm to support him while my mom and little brother got ready to follow us to the emergency room, which is thankfully a block away. I had no shoes or socks, and my poor dad was only wearing a pair of shorts (no shoes, no shirt, no nothing). Danny and I rushed him into the emergency room while everyone was taking their sweet-ass time to admit him. I was so frustrated at that point, but he slowed down (thank goodness) and began to relax while they set up his room. I was so worried. Eventually they gave him a CT scan, the second one since Tuesday's appointment, and told him that the fluid has built up even more and that they'd tap the liquid to see what was causing it.

So far, everyone thinks it's pneumonia and that Dr. Hogue is a quack. And let me tell you, Christus Spohn in Beeville is the worst hospital ever. They never keep you posted, they never help when I think they should, and they are soooo slow to do anything, including getting a medication checked and approved so that my dad could take it. And they rescheduled the tests for tomorrow! What an emergency, huh? That hospital is a load of shit. I just hope they're doing the right things for my dad. So far they've taken about five or six blood samples from him and dubbed him to be anemic even though he is a frequent blood donor. Strange things going on, I tell you. *Daddy, I love you. Take care and be safe.*

As if that couldn't be enough...! My mom was about to decide to drive me back to San Marcos herself instead of having me go with Danny since he had to leave Beeville early today and I wanted to stay to see the results when they came (I would've been there all day). Well Danny decided to skip the concert to accommodate me, unfortunately. He was still planning on making his Phi Mu Alpha meeting, which meant leaving at 3 this afternoon. I finally decided to go with him instead of making my mom drive four hours. We left for San Marcos at about 3:45, which was a little late but still gave Danny time to make it to his meeting. About 15 minutes after we took off I started hearing a pounding noise in the back left side of Danny's car. It progressively got louder during the minute or two that I heard it and Danny was smart and automatically pulled over in a grassy area. His tire completely burned out... Danny said it was steaming as soon as he saw it. It had about four holes in it from the damage and the threads of the tire were showing. I couldn't believe we had a flat! Just our luck!

So he began changing the tire with the tools and donut in his trunk. He laid down in the dirt looking for a place to set the jack (his car is extremely low to the ground so this was a hard task). Something in the dirt got onto his skin at that point... something that looked like clear tape, but it gave him a rash looking thing all on the back of his shoulder. Also, near his elbow was something else that looked like a spider bite. Anyway, after he unscrewed the bolts of the damaged tire a trucker stopped near us and backed up to our location and offered a hand. He took the old tire, threw it aside, and put the donut on (which said not to exceed 50 mph). That stupid thing would cause us a big delay in our arrival to San Marcos, so Danny called in as soon as that was done. And that's all.

Yeah right, that's definitely not all. We continued our slow journey down the road and Danny got a call from Parker. They chatted for a bit, until... We just exited Geronimo and Danny felt that the donut may have been loose because he felt some vibrations again. We pulled over, this time on a very slanted grassy area. The donut was perfectly fine - but now his back right tire was... you guessed it... FLAT. It was pretty burned out as well, but there were no slashes or holes in it like there were in the other one. He called a friend from San Marcos after much contemplation of what to do in our situation. After explaining about half the story to him, his phone died. Great. He didn't have his number memorized so we couldn't dial it again on my phone. And my phone was very near to death as well. We called 911 immediately after realizing that to get someone to help us. Sooner or later, the officer found us and pulled in behind us. He filed a report for Danny and contacted the department who set us up with a 24-hour tire service. After FOREVER waiting, the tire service finally arrived from New Braunfels. Yep, New Braunfels. They cranked up the jack, removed the old tire, took off the rubber, put new tire on, put the new tire in place... geez. All this cost $120, for just one tire.

Eventually, around 9:30 or so, we arrived in San Marcos. And supposedly it has to rain tomorrow.. all day long. Yay life. :. I hope everything ends up being ok. Until next time!

In The Arms Of An Angel

2009-04-17T11:31:00.002-05:00

I made it! I am now officially a music major, and that is so exciting. But it's just one step closer to becoming the major of my choice - sound recording technology. Now I am awaiting a response from the directors of the program and it's really frustrating. I feel like going in there and DEMANDING a response, but whatever. I hear that they must review this semester's grades before they tell us anything... which is stupid... but I'm waiting, patiently for the most part.

The other day Danny was making fun of me because I did something stupid. Well, he does that often, but I just wanted to mention this one. I woke up... at 8:56... and I have an 8:00 class. Not cool! I have not skipped a class that way before so I was pretty upset. Oh well, Dr. Eaton (my professor) understood. I also have a class at 9:00 but there is no absence policy for that class so I refused to worry about even going. Sucky.

Man, Tuesday and yesterday we worked on abs in aerobics. Well, Tuesday it was strictly abs. We did crunches and we pulled out the stability balls (which didn't feel like a good workout to me, though I loved the crunches). It was pretty fun and it made me real sore. Yesterday we worked with medicine balls and also worked on our thighs and arms a little. My inner thighs are so incredibly sore, but those are so hard to target so I'm happy. :) I need the exercise, you know.

So I'm planning on attending Lamb of God's show in Corpus next weekend, as well as Paramore's/No Doubt's concert in Houston next month. I'll be spending a lot of money but I'm excited about going! I haven't been to a concert in over a year, I think! Real cool. I'm sooo looking forward to those events. What I'm not looking forward to, to say the least, are final exams. The time is nearing. I'm not really stressed out because I got everything down (though I could use some polishing on my business law knowledge), but just the thought of having to stay here for an extra 2 weeks after the last class day is unnerving. I'll survive, for sure.

So I ordered a copy of Windows XP Home Edition from "buycheapsoftware.com", and it seems to be a sweet deal. The reason for this is because I just recently bought a laptop... a Macbook Pro... and I have so many games made for Windows that I just can't play on it because they are strictly for Windows. So I looked up some bargains and I came across the cheapest Windows XP I could find - $93.95. Shipping was an additional $6, but that's no big deal. I can play The Sims 2 again finally! And Swat 4! And FEAR! And I'll actually have amazing graphics! I'm excited. Note: it is arriving TODAY!! I'll be busy with that.

In other news, I have a choir rehearsal in Austin from 1 to 5 for the concert happening the next day at 2. I'm not sure which church it is we are performing at, but hopefully we get a good turnout. It's going to be good. I'm just not into putting so much time from my weekend into it. I'm lazy!

I'll update with some more stuff another time. Until next time!

Our Love Is Like A Song

2009-04-07T09:51:00.002-05:00

I have yet to know whether I had a successful audition or not. Apparently I have a great vocal tone! I've been hearing this all over the place - but I don't know if it outshined my swallowing issue. Not cool if it didn't! I would be so ecstatic to know I made it into the school of music. It'd be even better to know I get to study with Mrs. Bellini! She's magical, I'm telling you. She has helped my voice improve by sooo much. Even Danny's reaping the benefits of her wonderful teaching skills. Hope, hope, hope.

Danny got to interview Jason Sewell of the band Estrum from Austin last night. I was there! It was an incredible experience. We didn't realize how much he's done in his life - it's amazing. Estrum is amazing also. I love the band and the vocals - I didn't know Zena, the vocalist of the band, wrote 90% of the music, chord progressions and all! That inspires me. :). But you won't hear of the interview unless Danny decides to publish it. Check them out in the meantime: http://www.myspace.com/estrum

So I've been a moody bitch in the past week, which is not cool. I decided to get off the pill to lose some weight but I'm going back on it soon because I'm definitely NOT happy with my old symptoms of PMS. It's not worth it. I like to be a happy person - PMS makes me very depressed and angry and I don't want to go back to that life. So if you've seen a change lately, I apologize. It's not a nice change. You probably haven't, though, but I'll be back again next week. Until then, don't provoke me! :P!

I have so much planning to do for the next few months until the summer ends. Danny and I finally applied to an apartment complex. Well, we did once before but they completely bailed out on us, even when Danny has visited the office about 5 times. It's not worth the trouble anymore so we're done with them. Onto Shalamar Apartment Homes & Townhouses... and we applied for an 800 square foot Townhome! It has two stories, one bedroom, one bathroom upstairs and a half bath downstairs, a huge closet, a cozy kitchen, and a spacious living room. I'm really excited to do this - I just hope one is available for us!! I don't want to get my hopes too high. I don't think I'll be satisfied with anything else now though.

I should head off to class now. I'm at Danny's apartment. He left to class this morning at 9, but since my class doesn't start until 11 (or later, lol) I decided to stay behind and leave later. Plus, he didn't want me making him late - he's always late because of me! I feel bad... but I try to help him in school otherwise so it cancels out, lol! I'm just kidding! Anyway, until next time!

Dead Memories In My Heart

2009-03-31T00:29:00.002-05:00

Hello all! This past Saturday was my vocal audition for the School of Music... my third one, I feel I must mention. I've been trying really hard to improve on my technique with the help of the lovely Mrs. Bellini-Mungo. But I have a problem, and I don't know if any other vocalists have this problem, but I don't think it's common at all. It turns out that when I get nervous my mouth becomes dry and all my spit slips to the back of my throat and causes me to have a swallowing reflex that I can't help - if I try to sing through it I sound like I'm choking and it's even more horrific than the pause of my swallowing. I cannot control this no matter how hard I try to focus on something else. I wish I had a nervous reaction that didn't affect my performance... like vigorously shaking my leg or nodding my head or moving my hands. I don't care, I just would like any other reaction than the one I am stuck with. Mrs. Bellini suggested that it may be my soft palette not being high enough that could cause this but throughout my audition my soft palette was as high as it could be and I still went through with the stupid swallow. I can't stand it. I'll let you all know how this one turned out as soon as I know. This is really frustrating - and if I don't get it this time... there's going to be a lot of decisions to finalize.

That day, though, I came to the conclusion that I suck. Then Anne (who accompanied me beautifully that afternoon) corrected me by saying "You don't suck. You swallow." lol! Anywho, I went with her, Cory, and Danny to this place by the music building that I've never seen before called Thai Thai. It's a very small restaurant, but OH MY GOSH is it delicious!! Very good place to eat - I had the "Chef's Favorite Dish". It's mine now too, I'll tell you. Anne suggested we try out a local Mexican restaurant called Garcia's, which Danny and I did the next day. We had a very good experience there too. For once I finished an entire meal... it was a plate of the sour cream chicken enchiladas. Yum!

My mommy's going to Washington tomorrow... or today, rather. I haven't seen her since Spring Break. Hopefully the trip goes well. Thank goodness she isn't alone this time - I don't feel so scared for her. I would like to go, but I think I'm going with my dad, little brother, and possibly Danny in July. The purpose of all this is to visit my older brother who may be deployed to Iraq in August. I haven't seen him in well over a year now and I really want to see him and the rest of the family, especially the kids. They're growing up so fast now!!

Well, I'm off to bed. I've got a lot to do tomorrow! Until next time!

Nothing Here Is Set In Stone

2009-03-19T18:21:00.002-05:00

I've been doing so much thinking lately. Everyone around me has been talking about their "dream". I have a dream too, you know. I feel like it's not quite the same as everyone else's, but then again I'm around the same people all the time. My biggest dream is to have a family. I may not be very family-oriented now but I would love to have a family of my own. I want to be able to appreciate the people in my life at the end of every day and know that it's all that matters in the world. I want to have people to love and people who love me just the same. Love is what makes me truly happy... and family also includes close friends. I just want great people in my life surrounding me. Next to that, I want to have a beautiful home in the country somewhere, anywhere where I can have a farm because animals are important to me. I want many animals of many kinds - I would even love to be a volunteer for the ASPCA or be a foster home for an animal shelter. I love wildlife - so many things aren't possible without them. They add beauty and innocence to the world. Another thing I would like to have in my home is a recording studio. Technology amazes me and I love to have it and learn to work with it, and music is a major love of mine. So working with it and other musicians to create something beautiful in the studio to share with the world is another dream I have.

Those are my top three and the only real dreams I have currently. I'm hoping they all come true, but something to really consider is what I want my career to be. What do I want to wake up to every morning and how do I want my days to end? Do I want to be putting a project together in the studio every day or do I want to research a species in order to save it? I'm thinking about my major: should I change it? Sound recording technology or wildlife biology? I'm in a rut and don't know where to go for help or guidance. And my vocal audition is two Saturdays away - should I stick with it and see what happens? I feel like I'm already too far into school to change my major - but it's only been a year. And I really don't care what people think of me for making such a drastic change. If they loved me they'd be supportive or tell me what a bad decision I'm making to save me from hurting myself instead of giving non-constructive criticism.

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say a thing. Until next time!

Haunting Loneliness Is In The Eye

2009-03-06T12:16:00.002-06:00

I had been brainstorming on my paper over The Nine for quite a while, but I finished it on Saturday, Feb. 21st. The only reason I remember that date is because it was my 19th birthday. I celebrated it by writing an 8-page paper. And by the way, after all the insight and analysis I put into it along with all that hard work and reading... I apparently earned a 75. What is that?? I don't do 75s. I haven't talked to Dr. Stokes about the issue, but she doesn't understand me to begin with. I don't participate in class, according to her, but I really don't know what I can put in when I have no idea about the material until she teaches it or I read it in the textbook. Even then, I don't really have questions about it. I don't know what to do. I am learning a lot but it's not showing up in my grade. That's too sad for me... a Dean's List student. Whatever... I'm pissed about the topic.

I'm happy I get to go home this weekend. I've only been home about 3 times this semester... I miss being there. Spring break is only a week away! That's an even better thought. I have plans to go camping with some buds like I did during Christmas break. Lake Texana was amazing.

And I totally forgot to mention - I received a loan not too long ago and used most of it to purchase a laptop (along with a 3 year protection plan and free printer). It's not just any laptop, though. It's a MacBook Pro with 2.8 GHz and 4 GB of RAM... and GarageBand 2009, which is much better than the piece-of-crap version that's in Mr. Stevenson's studio. He should totally upgrade! But I can understand how he wouldn't want to considering the price he paid for his outdated computer. I'm already pretty adjusted to the way things work on a Mac - since this is my first time extensively using one. It's amazing! I'm in love... it's like my little baby, man. I can hardly let it out of my sight... and when it is it's out of everyone else's too, lol. And I feel so much more organized with it because of all the features that it comes with. The printer is a Canon PIXMA Photo All-In-One (print/copy/scan). It's huge, but it does the job. I haven't printed anything yet, but I don't want to mess with ink prices. I pretty much have free printing on campus 24/7. The scanner is definitely nice to have, though.

Aerobics has been giving me a heck of a workout two days a week. I love it because I'm actually doing something, you know? Yesterday was tough, and last week was even tougher with "boot camp" and all. I'm really enjoying the class though so I decided I'm going to try Intermediate Aerobics next semester if one of the two available ones work with my schedule. If not, I'll just do beginning again, I guess.

That being said, I've already had my advising session for the fall. Let me first mention that the housing policy on campus has been changed. Instead of the usual required 52 credits, that number has been temporarily changed to 42! That means I don't need to take any summer courses to be able to live off campus. I don't know if you know the plan already, but Danny and I are getting an apartment together next semester. Believe me, it is MUCH cheaper than what I'm paying for the dorms this semester - and that price is going up about $100 in the fall. I would not be looking forward to that, considering all the bullshit I've been dealing with here. Granted, though, my roommate is the BEST roommate I could have ever asked for... THANKS, ASHLEY! I LOVE YOU! But I am so excited about the moving process - we already applied to The Colony of San Marcos, which sits right in front of Danny's current apartment complex so it's a familiar location. It was free so we went through with it, and we should be getting a call by today to tell us if we're approved or not to sign the lease. I think we're going to stick with the place - the manager was SUPER nice and VERY optimistic. It made me feel confident that it might be a good decision. The maintenance men seem to always be working on something too, which I like... and there are only 88 units so it's a tiny community full of students and young families. I like everything about the place so far. It's not perfect... but it's great for what it is.

Anywho, my class schedule completely depends on whether or not I make it or not into the school of music on March 28th... and if I'm accepted into the Sound Recording Technology program. I'm really hoping for both, but we'll never know until the results are received in the mail. *Crossing Fingers* But I am taking Theory and Aural II for sure. And though I don't need a summer course I'm going to go ahead and take my second government at CBC because I took the first portion of it there last summer.

Well, this conludes today's blog. I have mucho stuff to do. Until next time!

In These Desperate Times

2009-02-19T21:25:00.002-06:00

The title is not deceiving. I am completely desperate to finish (or technically begin) this paper for my business law class. I pretty much finished reading this book The Nine by Jeffrey Toobin which pretty much explores the "Secret World of the Supreme Court". I've actually learned so much from reading this but a lot of it unfortunately went over my head, considering the circumstances that I'm new to the terminology and word usage of law. I'm taking this class as an honors course and I'm really glad that I am but I am just ever so frustrated with this paper. I'm going to blog about the topics I'm supposed to address to see what I can come up with so bear with me or just quit reading now. You may not be interested or even understand the things I'm about to say.

The first question to answer is "What is judicial activism?" I am quoting this directly from the law dictionary found on Answers.com: "The theory of judicial behavior that advocates basing decisions not on the judicial precedent but on achieving what the court perceives to be for the public welfare, or what the court determines to be fair and just on the facts before it." It's a pretty straightforward definition, I'll explain my opinion about it after I address the second question, which is "What is judicial restraint?" Also quoted from the same site: "The theory of judicial behavior that advocates basing decisions on grounds that have been previously defined by judicial precedent rather than on the basis of achieving some public good, which is viewed as the proper role of the legislature." Okay - well, precedent first of all means to look at a previous case in order to determine a current case in question, so you can figure out what all that means by knowing that much. It is hard for myself to be biased towards one philosophy or the other - I actually think a balance of both is the best way to handle every case. First of all, I believe that judicial restraint is important in order to keep things in the court consistent instead of having so many decisions for similar cases and causing chaotic complaints amongst citizens over such differences. For example, if two people sue the same company for the same reason at different times and one person wins while the other loses, something turned out to be very unfair between the two cases. There must be some consistency within a court. There are some exceptions to that, of course. That's where judicial activism falls into place. Times change - period. You can't rely on a decision made 30, 40, 50 years ago to apply to the same circumstances of today's issues. Some people are strongly against doing anything but referring to precedent, but I think it's stupidity. Every case should be based on its own facts while still upholding a bit of consistency for fairness. That's just the way things are and that's what keeps people happy.

Now I must refer to the book and maybe an interview or two in order to determine whether or not the author (Jeffrey Toobin) is biased towards one of these philosophies or the other and if so, how it colored his own analysis of the judges. This part is going to be extensive, but I am determined to have this done, all 7 pages or more of it, by Monday morning! This is going to kill me. But I'll blog a little more as more questions need to be addressed. Until next time!

You're So Gay

2009-01-16T10:29:00.002-06:00

Well, I didn't make it into the school of music but that's old news now, so I must try again this coming semester. My friend Megan Pfahler is now Megan Forman and is living in California. I'm getting into the habit of donating (or selling) plasma, which I have done twice now but plan to do regularly starting this coming Monday. Danny won a raffle at Bealls in San Marcos for a $300 teddy bear - it's huge! Shane's New Year's Eve party was a lot of fun. Before Christmas Break I found out I weighed 130 pounds (10 more than before the semester started), and a couple days ago I weighed 126 (thanks to my mom's work-out tapes since I HATE working out in the cold). My Texas State GPA is 3.79 since I made all A's except for one lousy B in Intro to Fine Arts (which I totally blame the teacher for because of his stupid lectures), but my overall GPA is 3.69. My mom had a safe trip to Seattle and back so she could visit her grandkids whom she missed so much since their move in October. Because my mom was gone I took over her job of babysitting Saige, which was a fun experience anyway. I found out that when my parents retire in about 5 years, they might give me their house in Beeville (which I'll probably end up selling after putting all the awesome furniture in storage until I get a house myself). Danny and I are really planning on getting an apartment together next fall and taking my dog Maxi to live with us while being on the Nutrisystem diet for better health, which I am really looking forward to. My new musical obsession is Katy Perry. Danny, Shane, Kristin, and I went on a camping trip in Edna's Lake Texana camping site last Thursday night, where we met LOTS of racoons, deer, and armadillos and had a fun time navigating around on the stupid hiking trails... in the dark. Facebook has become my main means of communication with the outside world, lol. I discovered two technical schools for audio engineering that I was considering dropping out of school for but now have given up on that idea so that I may succeed at what I'm aiming for now - which is to graduate from Texas State with a major in Sound Recording Technology. If I do not succeed after graduation, I may join the Air Force and have lifetime benefits from the military while strengthening my career, which really isn't a bad route to go. I am enrolled in Beginning Aerobics for this coming semester, which I am totally excited about, lol, and I don't know why forced exercise excites me... I guess I am just really focused on losing weight at this point.

Well that's enough news for me to give. I really can't think of anything else to add now. But yeah, I've been well. Recently I've been going to the Stevensons' studio in town and trying to discover myself in what I believe is my passion. I really enjoy the work. I vowed for the new year that for every school day I will touch Sibelius to write something new and exercise to lose weight and have a toned body. Anyway, Danny and I have been trying to find a way to create a good guitar tone and we found a GREAT one, but I suggested we try to find something even better but it only got worse and now we can't go back, lol. So... my bad! But I'm figuring things out and we got really close to what we had before and it's a keeper. Last night we recorded what is supposed to be my song but I can't seem to be one for words these days so it has no lyrics. It does have somewhat of a vocal melody already though. I'll be working on that. I mean, come on, lyrics can't be that hard to write, especially with Katy Perry writing about kissing a girl and liking it, lol. I'll let you know how that song turns out.

Well, right now I'm waiting for Danny to wake up and come into the computer room so we can figure out what we're doing today. I'm leaving sometime on Sunday because school starts Tuesday and I want to make sure I'm unpacked and have groceries and school supplies before then. I'm going to start Slimfast again. I think it may have been the cause for two bladder infections of mine, but I'm going to try it again anyway and see what happens. Hopefully I'll only be on it for a month or two, only till I'm satisfied with my results. This information is very personal, so you better feel privileged to be reading it! I don't even know why I mention things like this. I just like journaling and blogging is the only way I do it now because I'm so busy with finding myself and learning more about music and recording.

If anyone knows where I can find a scholarship (not FastWeb), please let me know about it. I don't have any for next fall and beyond and I really need them. I don't want to put myself in too much debt when I graduate, you know? I'm sure nobody does. I'll post them as I see them too. Okay, well it looks like I should go. Until next time!

A Fat Pink Cloud Hangs Over the Hill

2008-12-01T15:25:00.002-06:00

Audition results for vocalists seem to have been delayed, so I am hopeful that I will find out whether or not I made it sometime this week. I will post as soon as I find out anything more, but I would really like to make it already. I don't want to have to audition for the third time next semester because that would be pretty sad. Hopefully Mrs. Bellini will take me into her studio because I love the way she teaches and would love to work with her regularly. We'll see!

My Thanksgiving break was very relaxing. I should have been finishing up my thesis abstract, due tomorrow, but I kept straying from that task and got to hang out with friends and go to someone's first birthday party. :)! I had a lot of fun. I still have quite a few things to worry about these days but all those worries fell away during the break. Danny and I got to eat two Thanksgiving meals, which were both wonderful! I wish I could relive that, lol. I'm hungry. I got to see a lot of people, and I thank them all for adding to my great week of relaxation... ooh, and I can't forget Ramon's kitty and Kristin's kitties that entertained me for a while. :)! I <3 animals. It was nice to get away.

Okay, I just thought I would give an update on the start of the new month. This semester is going by so fast. The last day of classes is Dec. 8th and the last day of finals is Dec. 16th. Very fast, indeed. Until next time!

I Will Bring My Heart

2008-11-16T18:16:00.002-06:00

Welcome! :)! Well, today concludes a great week for me. The week before this was filled with sad, striking events, but I'm very happy with the way things are going now. Allow me to explain.

On Wednesday, Nov. 5th, I received some news that kinda shook me pretty hard, but not nearly as hard as it struck a friend of mine and her family as her father passed away that day. I went home that weekend because of family I had visiting from Chicago and Houston and stuff but I made time to go to his funeral service. I'm really glad I attended because I hadn't seen my friend (who shall remain nameless here) in such a long time. We actually got to meet up and hang out at Pizza Hut that night. Also that weekend I found out that Ms. Gartner, my high school Physics Pre-AP teacher, passed away that Friday morning. I didn't get to visit or say my goodbyes on the day of her funeral service because of the interference of classes, but I do hope her family is coping well. She was a wonderful woman who loved her job so much, as a teacher and musical director at her church. She was always so very generous too. Danny and I wish to visit her grave the next time we are at home so that we may say goodbye.

This past Thursday Danny scored me and him a tour of the Firestation Studios through one of his fraternity brothers and for that I was very grateful. It turned out that we ended up showing up 30 minutes before his friend told him to so we didn't get much of a tour but we did get a little viewing of a recording session, which started at midnight. That was overwhelming and a lot of fun to witness! If it wasn't for Mr. Egotistical Man Whore the night would have been just about perfect. I won't go any further in explaining that. Anyway, so that prepped me for the next afternoon when I had my official meeting with Mr. Erickson, the director of the program that I'm trying so hard to get into. That was a lot of fun and I learned a lot from him. One of those things was that I should be looking to get not just any laptop but a Mac. I'm dying to get a new computer already, but yeah, now I have die some more just to get enough money to afford what I want: the best peforming portable computer out there. So yeah, that was my Friday and it concluded with the last marching band rehearsal for the year - unless we make it to playoffs and have a home game. But yeah.

So I had been working extremely hard in my practicing for the School of Music auditions here at Texas State, which I mentioned in my last entry. Well, the auditions were yesterday and I'm feeling pretty confident about it all. I'm actually excited to see the results, well, if they're good. I'm nervous about what that letter will tell me in about two weeks, but yeah, I'm hoping it's good news. I took in all of Ms. Bellini's advice and feel that I have improved so much already. I'm ready to learn and get into a studio, I think. I just hope the judges heard that in my voice. Then I met with Mr. Erickson again for the interview, which went well considering I was already comfortable with him because of the day before. Then came time to get ready for the football game occurring that afternoon. It was soooo cold during the game. My lips were so very chapped and then placing the clarinet reed against my bottom lip was just a huge mistake because now they feel like caca. But that's okay. Then my night after that was over was pretty relaxing.

And today marked the last day of major choir rehearsals because we had our final concert. It didn't go all too well, I think, but it's all okay. All of these things takes a lot of stress off of me to focus on my other actual classes. Right now I'm kind of in fear of my precalculus grade. I had no idea that the policy for the lecture goes with the lab as well - so I have (I think) four absences and for every forth absence means a dropped letter grade. So right now I'm going to do all that's in my power to get it fixed so I don't have to deal with this crap. We'll see what happens. It just sucks because I think they should be counted separately. Monday and Wednesday from 8:00 to 9:15 is the lecture and Tuesday and Thursday from 8:00 to 8:50 is the lab. They're two separate times and stuff so it should be two different policies. I don't know - that's just me. I'm just really upset about it all.

Well - I have a lot to do...

1. Read an article before I meet with a professor tomorrow to discuss my thesis topic for the honors program.
2. Finish, format, and print my Go-Eat-Do Creative Paper for Intro to Fine Arts by Tuesday.
3. Finish making an outline for my presentation on the Common Experience Events I attended for University Seminar by Tuesday.
4. Study, study, study for my precalculus test by Wednesday.
5. Prepare, complete, and send in SRT application ASAP.

So... until next time!!

Pie Jesu

2008-11-04T17:51:00.002-06:00

Hola! I haven't updated since... last month or so? Not sure, but I feel like updating today. Well, I have been working on my performance anxiety issue and I'm beginning to really work through it. I hope to have it down by the 15th of this month so that maybe, just maybe I'll have a good audition and a fair chance to get into the school of music finally. I'm really looking forward to lessons. I will be auditioning with O Del Mio Dolce Ardor, an Italian aria by Gluck. The song is so beautiful and I enjoy singing it. I just hope that my judges will be able to see that when I'm up.

Marching band will be over the same day that auditions are. I don't think we have a chance to go to play-offs (yes!). It's hilarious how excited some band members get when we lose a football game. Sorry, Texas State... we're rooting for the other team. :P! Yeah, so right now I am in a dire need to pee, but I'm holding it only because I don't feel like leaving the classroom. I am in Intro to Fine Arts, a class that runs from 500-745 and I'm using Kristen's computer for my devious work. lol.

Anyway, October was an okay month. It's nothing I would want to relive, really. Even Halloween sucked, if you can believe that. We had marching band practice that night and I had no money for a costume of any kind. It's not like I own one either. Then Danny and I were supposed to watch a movie, and after choosing Van Helsing he decided to crash out and I was left to do absolutely nothing. I was really disappointed about it, but whatever. It's just a regular day. But November has been pretty exciting so far, lol.

Saturday was a pretty busy day for me, and I knew it wouldn't be good... though it turned out better than I had predicted. First, there was a football game, which means waking up early and going to rehearsal at 830 a.m. Well, Danny and I walked to the music building from my dorm... we both planned on getting a ride with Tracy (a tenor player) and Erin (a clarinet player). It turns out that the music building was locked and a ride was becoming hopeless for me. I'm not a percussionist so I have no business in the music building before practice, therefore I have no excuse to be late. So I spotted Damian taking a walk to the stadium (where practice was being held) and I ran and caught up with him. That was a 15 minute walk and the start of my long-ass day. I was very irritable afterward, but that's alright. I got some extra exercise in for the day, lol. Well practice was a bunch of bullshit, as always, and I was so tired that afternoon. I ate lunch with Danny and Damian after practice at Commons. I rushed a little bit because I was getting worried about not being able to pack all my stuff for the events happening later that night. Call time for the game came at 145 and so I headed down with all my stuff, which I will explain later, to the FlipFlop Shop. That was NOT a fun walk, let me tell you. Okay, well, there was an all-day choral festival going on at UT in Austin. Because of Dr. Beatty and Dr. Brinckmeyer's decisions, me and two others who were involved in both Women's Chorus and the Marching Band had to "split our priorities in half". I saw it more like 3/4ths and 1/4th of a split. Anyway - I had to pack my choir dress, nice clothes, shower stuff, band stuff, and music and leave all the stuff for the festival in Amy R's car, thus I had to meet her at the FlipFlop Shop so we could head to the game together. Then the game began - Pre-Game Show, Half-Time Show... then us three girls took off to Amy R's car and headed to Amy B's dorm so we could all shower and leave to Austin for the dinner and concert happening that we were to be involved in. Yeah, stressful. Blech! Well, I've never had quite a conversation while taking a shower before, lol, so that was pretty interesting and awkward. I won't forget that! Okay, well, it seemed that traffic was so bad that we didn't get to make it in time for dinner, so lucky for us we grabbed Taco Bell before leaving town. Woo! I did get to see a Hummer Limo, which made me cry because I couldn't get my camera out in time to take a picture of it. You don't know how much I love Hummer Limos... that was my second sighting. :D! Anyway - we put on our dresses for the concert and met up with our choir. That's when Shane came by, since he attends UT, and I was sooo excited to see his face. It's been a long time since we've hung out so it was kind of a relief. After the concert was over, I ended up taking a walk with Shane and his friend Javier... or Elliot, teehee, inside joke... to Guadalupe Street while the Amys drove there and we met up to look for a place to eat. We finally settled for Mello Mushrooms, lol, a pizza place with a very interesting atmosphere. We actually walked in while a UT football game was going on on the TV and so many people, including the workers themselves, were being so loud and ridiculous, I swear! It was funny, though. I never thought people would get so excited over FOOTBALL. Sheesh. How lame. Anywho - I ate an avocado hoagie, which I hope to have again someday because I love avocados and it was DELICIOUS!! Yes, it was that good, I put two exclamation points. :)!

So... this was really unplanned but so freakin' cool. Danny called me at some point saying that he and Damian were wanting to go to the movies to see Saw V... ahh, the legendary series... but he didn't want to go without me because he knows how much I love it and couldn't wait to see it. Well, they decided to come to Austin to take me to one of theaters which had a midnight showing of the movie. After dinner and a long wait for him to find the street I was on, he picked up Shane and I and the Amys drove home. We got to the theater 20 minutes late and the concession was closed and the people working there were so incredibly awesome that they let all four of us in for FREE!! I really didn't think that would happen in a million years, ha. I was so grateful. But yeah, we didn't miss too much, which I'm happy about. Dude, the storyline of this move is amazingly awesome. I will never get tired of the series and I'm going to purchase the entire collection as soon as the last one, Saw VI, comes out on video. I decided this since the second one, lol. And at that time I will be hosting a Saw party... hopefully a costume party. So yeah, after the movie, Damian went to spend the night at his sister's apartment, who also met us at the movies. Then Danny and I spent the night at Shane's dorm, which was a very annoying process. His building is so regulated, I could barely get in. But oh well, we cheated the system. :)! The next morning we left and came back to San Marcos... and that was it for my amazingly exhausting and exciting day. :)!

Well, I'm gonna go and find something else constructive to do while I'm online... like Neopets or something, lol, jk! Until next time!

I'm Already Gone

2008-10-09T14:09:00.003-05:00

Well, I'm totally moved in to my dorm, considering the childish dramatic behavior happening elsewhere, and it's been fun. I still have to think my roommate Ashley is such a sweetheart and the best roomie ever! I currently have the hiccups and have an extreme need to pee. Yeah, the toilets here aren't flushing so I didn't bother. I'm just going to hold it until I go to lunch with Danny in an hour at Commons. I've handled worse, believe me.

I think I might be going home this weekend! Danny has the chance to go see Luis Miguel in concert in Laredo but thinks that it's not a good idea because of all of the things he has to cover this weekend. I am so jealous though and would go in an instant. Those tickets are really expensive and Luis Miguel has a beautiful voice! Unfortunately I wasn't invited, but it's probably a good idea because I have a lot of reading to do before Tuesday. I don't think I'll finish, but that'll hopefully be forgivable. Anyhow, I was hoping to make it to one of the high school's football games this season but there's absolutely no chance of that now that it is nearing the end. Unless they go into playoffs, things are not looking up for that. I'm really sorry, guys! I did try though, but time and marching band here just never permits.

Speaking of marching band, I am so annoyed by it. Like sure, it's not that bad, but it's definitely not like I was expecting it to be. I don't mind the hot practices, but I do mind the frustration of not making lines and curves and diagonals and MUSIC. OMG, the trumpets here are ridiculously overpowering every other instrument. I guess in college, since there are no competitions, we don't have to blend or balance. But that's okay, because like I mentioned, the season's almost over. And we are definitely not going into playoffs, lol! We are learning a new show right now, though. It's already mostly on the field. Did I tell you how much I despise backward marching huge step sizes?! Well, that's really all I do. Poo on me.

I am so angry with myself for missing my appointment with Mrs. Sowards today at the music building. Instead I was just lounging around without a care in the world here in my dorm. OMG, talk about lazy! I remembered all day yesterday and come today I just completely forgot about it... until an hour after I was supposed to actually meet with her. But we're working it out so I think it's all okay. I just wanted a head start in getting my classes together because I wanted to register as early as possible. Now I don't know how long I have to wait. We'll see. But I should go now and take care of some other things. Until next time!

One More Day in Paradise

2008-10-02T11:03:00.002-05:00

I am sitting in my dorm searching for something to do and posting a blog seems like a possibility. I'm listening to some mellow music on Last.fm. I really like this website. If you haven't yet, check it out. For a while I've been considering to discontinue my use of MySpace as a social network because Facebook, though its new layout is kind of awkward, seems like the better one. It just sucks because not everyone uses Facebook. I do promote it, though.

I totally do not remember mentioning that my older brother and his family moved to Washington last week. I really do miss them, though I'm not really getting it since I'm already away from the house. Next time I go home, though, it's going to be strangely quiet. My mom is really hurting by the move because she spent a lot of time with the kids and now they're gone. She's already planning to take a trip up there in the summer. Too bad I can't join her because I'm going to be at CBC trying to get 52 credits so Danny and I can get our own apartment. I really can't wait until then, though I am going to miss his current roomies because they are all really cool people. Especially James, lol.

Let's see, what does my day have in store for me? This morning I had my precal lab at 8 and afterwards came directly over here. My next and last class of the day, essential musicianship is at 1230. I finally went to Colloquium by the music building and bought some staff paper notebooks because they finally had some in stock, lol. Anyway, yeah... after class I'm going to wait for Danny at the Alkek Library and we're going to go tour the place since we haven't been there yet. Who knows? I may end up checking out a book or something. It's a huge place, though, for sure. I think I'm gonna fall in love with it. Then after our visit to the library we're going to check out the outlets and I'm going to browse around Victoria's Secret because they're having that semi-annual sale. That's exciting. :)! I haven't bought a new bra in ages... literally. Hopefully I can find some cheap good ones.

Well, I'm going to do some more tasks on Facebook and continue on with my day. Until next time!

I Dreamt I Went Potty

2008-10-01T20:17:00.003-05:00

Wow. I just discovered a feature on Facebook that is pretty astonishing to me. Every time I post a blog, it gets exported into Facebook's "Notes" application and everyone will know when I update! Well, that's mighty convenient. So now for a little introduction about me and my posts.

As you new readers should know by now, my name is Melissa de Pau. I don't blog quite as much as I used to but I like to try to keep up with it at least once a month. My blog titles are always phrases from a song stuck in my head or one that I may be listening to at the time I begin typing up a post. I ALWAYS have a song in my head... it's just one of the perks of being a musician, lol. By the way, old readers, I re-adopted "lol" because I realized I like it much better than the sarcastic-looking "haha". It just fits the mood a little better. Heh, yeah... I'm very particular about certain words and things like that, and I'm a grammatical freak... somewhat. You'll learn more about me as I post.

Performance anxiety strikes again. I have no idea what comes over me when I begin to perform a piece that I prepare so much for. This has been a long-occurring factor in my life and it's so horrible. I can't seem to disguise or replace my fear of performing. My body gets paralyzed and I can't fix the problems I know I'm having at the time of the performance. It just gets worse and worse and I can't breathe correctly and my posture goes out the window. And then just as I start to think I'm horrible, my mouth goes dry because all the spit falls to the back of my throat and chokes me to wear no air can exit and I have to clear it before I continue to sing. I watch people get up and do it effortlessly and so confidently. I just want to be like them. I know I'm good and I know I have improved greatly this past month alone with the techniques of Mrs. Bellini. I can sing when no one's looking... I can sing beautifully and I know it. But when it counts for a grade or as an audition, I automatically choke. The thought never passes through my mind that it actually counts for something, though... my body just breaks down completely even when my mind is completely focused on the task at hand. I want to redo my quiz to redeem myself for the stress I put myself through today over it. I even cried, I was so frustrated! Danny helped calm me down, as always. Thank you, Danny. I love you so much for supporting me and trying to help me. If I want to get anywhere in my major I really must conquer this fear. I want to and I try to. It's just automatic and uncontrollable!

On top of this mess, I was told something that I took pretty personally today, but I won't discuss that until it is fully addressed and taken care of. But this news got me pretty down in the dumps as well. I'm hoping the night gets better and I don't feel so bad. I haven't felt this bad in a really long time, though, actually. I really enjoy being here at Texas State and attending all my classes. By the way, I do have some good news. In precal this morning we had quiz #4 and I aced it... the first one that I completed, actually... quickly, too. These quizzes are timed and I am a step-by-step, algabraic kind of girl and when I work out long problems I feel the need to write down every step. Well, this test required that, as proofs to claims, and so we had the right amount of time for the amount of problems and I finished it in half the time we were given to take it and I aced it! I was very excited about that.

Well, this may be too much for my first-time readers for now so I'll end here. I tend to make these extremely long. But this is how I release emotions... through writing. This is how I've always done it. Ask Danny. I've written him a million letters throughout high school, the majority I never gave to him, lol. :) Until next time!

Something Like a Hero

2008-09-25T10:13:00.002-05:00

Hello, everyone! Campus life is really a different kind of life, but it's a good one. Apparently you are totally left of out my loop here since the last time I updated was... August 1st? Wow! It has really been a while this time, especially since I haven't spoke out about all the changes I've gone through while in college thus far.

I arrived here August 17th. After a fun trip to Sea World with some family members, my mom dropped Danny and I off at his newly acquired apartment at University Springs. His roommates are James, Alberta, and Janell, all of whom we know from Beeville. They are really cool, fun, down to earth people and I'm glad that they decided to come to Texas State and accept Danny in their apartment. It is a four-bedroom and is really nice, despite all the little things that they've had to call maintenance about... leaky toilet, leaky ceiling, broken garbage disposal. I really like the place. Anyway, I checked in to my dorm the next day and analyzed it the same way Danny had to with his apartment. I live in Smith Hall. When I walked into my room, I was expecting greatness... but I got the complete opposite. It is REALLY small. I didn't know how I would be able to arrange the place and was really disappointed. Anyway - after all that mess, Danny and I headed out to register for Hell Week. That sounds wonderful, doesn't it? Well, it wasn't so bad, actually... it was just really time consuming. We spent 13 hours a day working in marching band, 7 of those outside. It was a ridiculous schedule and I felt like a prisoner. I never even got a chance to sing! That depressed and frustrated me so bad. Anyway, that night, my parents came with a van packed full of STUFF... me and Danny's stuff, including a bed to replace the air mattress we slept in the night before and clothes - lots of 'em. And two old huge desktop computers. They were so nice to do that for us... THANKS MOM & DAD! Well, my Dad and Danny at that time arranged the room to be really roomy and now I love it and I'm not so disappointed. But I would do anything to not have to sign up for a dorm again next year so I'm going to make sure I have the 52 credits I need before the year begins so I can be exempt from it. Honestly, I'm paying $2000 + a $1000 required meal plan... for something so not worth it. I'm hardly in my dorm anyway. Basically I'm living with Danny and his roommates at the apartment... and I love it better than being alone here at the dorm, though when Ashley (my roommate) is here we have fun talking it up. I really like her, she's the best roommate I could have! By the way... our room... is totally... PINK. Haha! It's great.

Okay, enough of that business. You want details! There aren't many, except I've learned to not be so dependent on others. My mom always did my laundry for me... and now I actually know how to do it myself, with Danny's help. I really miss my mom, but I feel so much better doing my own dirty work. I'm taking care of myself by myself. Danny's bedroom could be much cleaner, but man, it is hard work living with a male. :P! But I've been cleaning up the messes pretty well... about twice a week. It's not so bad. I actually enjoy it. I still keep to the morals that I've practically been born with... I still have never experienced the taste of alcohol and I friggin' hate smoke so I'll never do it. So many people here are hooked stupidly on cigarettes. I look at them and suddenly have, like, x-ray vision because I see how black their lungs must be. Ugh, it disgusts me. I'm sorry - I can't help it. That's when I realize that only years from today, those same people will be suffering the same diseases and health issues that my grandmother is suffering from right now. They have the chance to stop the problems, but I guess they refuse. I love my grandma dearly, but I remember the days when I couldn't stand to visit her because her home smelled of smoke... thick, deadly cigarette smoke. I would never in a million years attmept to blacken my insides because of habit. We're all prone to cancer enough as it is... we can only try to avoid it.

Anyway, yeah... I've never even been to a party. I don't even know if I'd want to experience that. I've heard enough and seen enough to know that I would only be left in complaints. Danny always tells me that I'll never want to go to one because I wouldn't have a good time. Nah, I don't think I would either. Ooh, and news news news! Yesterday was September 24th... and you know what that means? It was me and Danny's TWO YEAR anniversary! That was exciting, but we were so busy that we didn't get a chance to celebrate. Aw, but we love each other, it doesn't matter. I know that we have many more of these throughout our lifetime. :)! So we'll always have a chance to celebrate. Every day is worth celebrating.

All in all, everything here is great. I love the beautiful campus and the diversity of people. I've made quite a few acquaintances that will hopefully become friends. And my classes are pretty easy as long as I do my homework, which I have time for and don't mind doing like I did in high school. Yay for responsibility! Haha, jk! Things are looking up for me. I don't have much more time to add on to this, but I will hopefully soon. Until next time!

When Everything's Made to be Broken

2008-08-01T21:34:00.002-05:00

I'm sitting here listening to and singing along to some music on my iTunes while waiting for all of my AACs to convert to MPEGs, which is very time-consuming, as I never would have imagined. I'm just contemplating my life and what my future may hold and any tasks that I might have to do in these next few weeks. I am pretty content, although one thing that bothers me is money. I hate money. School, schoolwork, and anything related to the issue is not a problem for me at all. I'm not worried about that. I just wonder how I'm going to get through all of this moneywise.

I really wish that someone would have hired me here in Beeville during the summer so that I could have made some extra money before school started. But I didn't and I spent over $300 on new clothes with a credit card. Well, I got all the shopping out of system anyway already with my variety of colorful pants and awesome shirts and nice shoes. But now I have to wait until I get a private loan, which is impossible for me to get approved for, so that I can pay it all off. Another dilemma... I think my new bank account just closed on me. I opened one up at the local bank at Texas State and I got a phone call saying that I had to deposit money in that account by this week, which I wasn't able to do because we have no local Wells Fargo, dammit. That pisses me off, but whatever. Hopefully they will just hold the account for me because I don't want to sit through the process again. Quite a few people still owe me money, which is a big stress. I need some money to pay for band expenses and things of that nature. I do have a good $100 on me, but that will probably run out easy. Grr! And I still have to buy necessities for my dorm room before I leave on Aug. 18th. That's frustrating me most.

Poor Danny sent in his housing contract too late and didn't get into a dorm, so the contract was canceled and now he is responsible for finding his own apartment in San Marcos. That sucks for him, but I guess it will be cool. He'll have more room for his stuff and he won't have to move things around so much. I hope it all gets taken care of easily, though. I should go, though, and research some apartment prices for him since he's busy over there at a drumline camp. Until next time!

Killing For Fun

2008-07-31T21:58:00.002-05:00

Howdy! I feel talkative - or blogative - right now, although I don't know why. I wish I had more readers. I need to promote! It's not like I talk about anything important anyway, just about my daily life. But I swear, if I had an audience, I would so make these much more interesting to read. *Sigh!*

Right now I am burning a few CDs for my older brother, who lives in Maryland right now because of the Cacaheads, I mean the Army. He must be extremely bored because my mom and his wife (my sister-in-law) put a package together that includes a DVD-player and a variety of DVDs. Upon examining it, I noticed that the handwriting on a small letter placed in it was totally unreadable (no offense, Mom!). That's when I decided I would re-write it and add a personal touch to the package by burning some CDs with my kind of music on it, also known as METAL! After a few hours of working on it, I came to discover that my CD-burner is a piece of shit now because it doesn't really work anymore for some odd reason. So screw that thing! I came over to Danny's to burn the CDs. I have one down, only one more to go because I'm not sure if I'm wasting my time or not. My brother normally listens to "gangsta rap", whatever the meaning of that is. I figured he could use a diverse selection of metal songs to listen to. Hopefully he likes it.

I have officially become addicted to Facebook. I used to think it was some stupid MySpace wannabe with annoying "applications". Well, I guess I was wrong. It seems like a good way to network and keep in touch with old friends and stuff. I don't mind it so much now. It also helps you keep track of who's going to what college, and things like that. It's cool... in its own little way. I still love MySpace!

Well, I gotta go. Danny's going to go hang out at Ramon's house and I think I'm going to go home and practice good hygiene, haha. I really need a shower. Until next time!

I'm Waiting for Something to Show

2008-07-20T13:06:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I spoke with my roommate for the first time on the phone. It turns out she lives in San Antonio, that lucky girl. I wish I lived within 20-30 minutes away from my college so that I wouldn't ever have to leave home. But oh well, I guess that means that for me it'll be more of an adventure.

I've heard a lot of things about Texas State today. Danny tells me that apparently they didn't have school on Fridays because a crapload of party monsters wouldn't make it to school on that day since the official party day, strangely enough, is Thursday. Well, yeah, so because of the constant absences Fridays were not school days. Well, this semester I think they are putting them back on again. Unfortunately, wherever I go to school I get the lower end of every stick. When I left elementary school they built a new playground the next year. When I left junior high they built a new gym the next year. Sure, when I entered high school we had a new building... but we also had a shitty dress code to deal with. And now that I left high school, the dress code is being revised for the best interests of the students... and the band got three new Buffet clarinets. What is it with my class!? But yeah... so I'd expect that something bad would come about when I get into college. It's just ironic. Another thing... Texas State's marching band usually has "18 days or more" (quoted from the letter from the drum majors) for of rehearsals and this year we only have 8. Isn't that just peachy? Ugh... this is going to be stressful.

I went to Victoria yesterday with my dad, my mom, my little brother (Michael), and my neice (Amber). The reason of this trip was so that my dad and Michael could get their eyes checked for a new prescription of contacts. So I asked if I could go do some serious dorm room shopping. Like the spoiled brat that I am, they said yes. I just activated a $500-limit credit card, which I intend to spend on college necessities. Well, I spent $109.26 at Target on a comforter set, two sheet sets, an over-sized bath towel, little hand/face towels, a laundry bag, and a trash can... all pink and brown themed. My comforter is beautiful. I fell in love with it in a Target magazine and knew that I had to have it. The store advertised it as $59.99 but my receipt, as I'm just now noticing, says $49.99. I saved $10!! Yay me! Anyway... then I convinced my parents to take me to Ross to find some shirts... since I have plenty of pants and jeans and not enough nice shirts to wear. Well, I bought thirteen shirts and one hoodie that I could not resist buying. But those thirteen shirts are ones that I picked out of about twenty-five that I tried on. That's ridiculous! But anyway, the amount I spent was $116.76. Not bad at all!

My next task is to use my credit card Thursday night after my orientation in San Marcos at the awesome outlets I love so much. I've only bought about three things from there before, but now I have a credit card with about $300 left on it. Oo! But I only plan to spend about $100 on some new Dickies... hopefully all kinds of colors. I am aiming for pink and red the most, though. I already have a purple pair, which look so amazing, haha. Purple is my favorite color. Yellow and green ones would be cool too. Whatever I see... whatever I like... I'll get. Maybe I'll even find a new skirt at Hot Topic.

Right now I'm supposed to be writing and finishing Brian's biography for his new website, but the thing is I'm not even close to finishing. I should've been finished a long time ago. Well, I'm going to go and maybe work on that. Until next time!

Seven Things I Hate About You

2008-07-16T20:50:00.002-05:00

Now is the time for a more upbeat blog since the last one was a bit strange for the public to read. But what is posted is posted and I will not take it away. I have a long list of things to do soon and a long list of things I have done to prepare for next month's upcoming event. College is ridiculous and so very expensive. And it sucks so bad to know that I am not going to be known as a music major this first year of college. I'm not majoring in anything, really. I'm just studying. It's kind of depressing but it's something I must get over and work hard to get through because it's something I really want. What Melissa wants, Melissa gets. That's the way things have always worked in my life because what I get is what I work hard towards. Things will come together soon, I know. Next semester I shall audition once more.

Today is the Wednesday, the 16th of July. In one week I will be in San Marcos for my New Student Orientation, where hopefully all will go well. In the morning I was told I will be checking in to my residence hall where I will probably be rooming with someone. That's okay, but of course I'm not used to sharing a room with someone I don't know. What if she's crazy? My actual roommate has the same orientation date as I do so we should be able to meet and get to know each other a little bit. Maybe she and I will even get to do dinner together or hang out. She seems cool from e-mails and MySpace, so I'm just hoping we get along well. Well, anyway, orientation will last two days for me and Danny is taking me. While I'm living it up in a dorm room, he will be staying with a friend of his. The second night I plan to go to the outlets and do some serious shopping with my new $500 limit credit card, which I plan to pay off when I get my student loan. Nah, not serious shopping. I just need a few things before I step my foot through a classroom door. Shoes, nice shirts, nice pants, maybe even a skirt or two. I will be on the lookout for some flats, although each pair I find never fit me because I have such small freakin' feet! And I'm tired of wearing so much black and so much red when I feel like dressing up. I hardly have any other colors so that is what I'm looking for, really. Color! Maybe I'll even buy myself new make-up while I'm at it since I don't even wear any these days anyway. I'm not gonna be the dorky anti-social fun-hating loser in San Marcos. I'm gonna be friendly and inviting... like I used to be. When I see fresh faces, that's what I am. Life can only get more interesting from here anyway. I'm just glad I have one familiar face by my side... my lovely loving lover. :)!

August 18th, Danny and I leave for San Marcos for good. That's when we check into our dorms (if he even has one set up for him by then) and register for marching band. Yes, marching band! That is one exciting phrase that never gets old... unless you're at a high school and the half-time shows are pretty much a repeat of the year's before. But anyway, yes. I am going to be a Texas State University Bobcat clarinet-player. I won't be the best, but I will sure as hell try my best. I love marching. Plus, I gained three pounds since the summer started that I am totally looking forward to losing. All the hills and stairs on campus, though, might help with that as well.

Wow... it's already past 9 PM. It doesn't seem that way, although it never does in the summers. I woke up at 12:30 this afternoon and went to a doctor's appointment at 1:30 and didn't get seen until about 4. So this day has seemed kind of short and wasted, but I don't really mind. I need to do some more singing because I've been neglecting my poor passion. And I haven't been so productive in the writing category either since lyrics have gotten me stumped constantly. But I have an assignment... well, a few, actually. Danny wants me to write lyrics for this song that we've been working on forever already and Brian wants me to try writing something for one of his songs. He also wants me to write a bio for his website on which he hopes to market and promote himself and his music. I like writing bios. I think I can do that easy. The music stuff may take some time.

So how about that Hannah Montana? She's everywhere... her country, buck-toothed face is everywhere! Now Miley Cyrus, that's an artist. I wish Disney didn't promote their stars as dumb blonded retards. The voices of most of the singers are ridiculously un-talented sounding. But now that Miley is coming out with her own CD with some decent songs... I see her talent. I may rant about her when I see her in the many aisles of Wal-Mart, but I do appreciate her voice... whether or not her daddy made her famous. Danny says I'm just jealous and I think he's right. I mean, I don't want to be some star-crazed celebrity. I just wish I had the opportunities that she's had at such a young age. I'm already 18 and I'll never have the chances that she's had. Hell, I don't even think I'm as talented as her anyway. I try too hard and think too much.

I think that's enough for you guys to read tonight. Enjoy! Until next time!

I Think You'll Understand

2008-06-28T03:07:00.002-05:00

I think I might be sick. Everything can be perfect and I have no worries, like none ever existed before. The next thing I know I'm staring right at my own crap with someone's hands pushing my head into it. No one can accept me. I can't even accept myself. I used to be so confident of who I was and the things I wanted. Now that high school is over so is everything I ever stood for in my lifetime. Eighteen years. It's only been eighteen years since I first came here and I'm already miserable with myself. Maybe it's the period and my raging hormones, maybe it's the milestones I'm crossing. Maybe it's because I'm sick. I just don't know anymore. I miss who I used to be, or who I remember myself as. I could always adapt to anything. Now people call my love obsessive, claiming that I'm possessive or some kind of bitch that they all hate. That isn't me. Who am I looking at in the mirror? I always think I'm right when in an argument. I talk too much crap about other people, even if I care about them. I disrespect Danny through his friends. I'm nobody. I can't do that. I'm not some superior power. I don't want to be anyway. That's why I can't even understand why I treat people the way I do. My own boyfriend talks about other girls he knows or used to be friends with and describes them as being beautiful or sweet or awesome. I'm nothing like them, I know. I'm so ugly, a friend told him so. I'm a bitch, another thinks of me. I am anything but awesome. He even thinks I'm fake. He can't love me. I never let anyone love me because I'm so stupid. I don't mean to be. I try to be a good person and I try to be loving and caring and sweet, but it never works out right. I fail at everything I do these days. And when I thought singing was my best talent, I screw that up too because I can't even make it into the damn music school of the only university that offers what I believe is my passion in this state. I don't know what my passion is. My family is my passion, though I may scream and seem hateful. Danny is my passion, but I think I show it too much for it to look that way. I can never be happy. I always screw it all up. Nobody even believes in me when I say I want to do something or go for something. Nobody supports me. My parents might, but they are supposed to. My boyfriend of over a year and a half, friend for about four... he doesn't even support me. I've lost myself in depression a long time ago and could never go back to find me. No one cares anyway about this because I still haven't seen the help. Thanks, guys. Thanks for everything.

I Feel it in My Veins

2008-06-20T23:16:00.002-05:00

I feel like I am out of inspiration for lyrics. A melody I could do, but it means nothing without good words on top of it. I'm not sure what ever motivated me back when I wrote often but maybe upset and depression. I am not nearly that way now. I can't write about happiness or curiosity or whatever. Everything I put down sounds retarded. I just need to try harder to focus on a subject that makes me want to cry or laugh or something. I have many ideas... old friends, past experience, new friends, my love. I just don't know how to express them. I am just blogging to see what I could come up with. My greatest ideas come when I am writing.

But I think I'll just confide in my journal. I don't have any readers anyway. Until next time!

Bury Me

2008-06-16T10:20:00.002-05:00

Well, hello all my readers and strangers! This summer has been interesting thus far. I still don't have a job since I quit Sonic in April. My reason for leaving on all my applications to other jobs has been "mistreatment" because it's true! I was mistreated and so I left. Unfortunately I left right before they started construction on the place because right now they have all new equipment and the outside is looking mighty spiffy. Oh well. The employees are still unhappy with their jobs and they've got new ones who are sure to hate the job as well. Haha to them. Anyway, CATO Fashions seemed like they were interested in hiring me but that didn't happen. I am also very interested in the new Pet Hotel across the street from the bowling alley but I don't think they are hiring anyone right now. Today I am going to submit an application for the First National Bank... but the thing about that is they probably will figure out that I'm not staying long because I'm taking off for college in September. But that's three whole months of working I could be doing! That's a lot of money I could be earning! Grr. But no, I must waste my time searching.

I discovered this website... Pogo.com. I am almost addicted to poker now because of that stupid website, but you can win money! Sure. What are the odds of ME winning $50 or even $1000? Slim to none, I guess, but oh well. It doesn't hurt to try and have fun trying.

Right now I am in the computer lab at CBC because I was waiting for Danny to get out of class because I got out of class 30 minutes early and he already gets out 20 minutes later during a usual day. I'm taking Government. He's taking History. Poo. Well, he's here and waiting on me so I'd better go. Until next time!

The Blood's on the Wall

2008-05-09T21:02:00.002-05:00

Well, it definitely isn't February anymore. There are so many things surrounding my head, I think it is going to be impossible to break it all down. But you know what, I'll sure as hell try my best. Where to begin... where to begin... hmm...

Well, graduation is right around the corner and I have my cap and gown hanging up in the hall closet right now waiting for the night when this childish nonsense is all over for me (sort of). It seems as though the college I am going to is the biggest party school in Texas, but what does that really mean? I don't know but I guess I will find out, like I'll go to any parties anyway. That's not part of my personality and I definitely don't planned to get mixed up with those horrible crowds that do party. But yes, in the fall I will be attending Texas State University in San Marcos, Texas. Danny is [fortunately] transferring over there so thank goodness for that. I am really excited to be able to start college with Danny there. I know we won't have a lot of alone time, but any time at all is quality time to me. I would love nothing more than to share the college experience with him than to tell him about it. Yay me! On another note, I did not get accepted into the School of Music but I very much plan to be as involved in it as possible, since the only difference between someone that makes it and someone that doesn't is the privilege of being called a music major and that petty little thing called private lessons. That sucks for me, but I will make my way up there, I promise you that. And even though I wasn't considered for the Sound Recording Technology program, I am telling you, I will get in next year. If I don't, then I need to do something else with my life because that's obviously not going to work out at all. I need to befriend some professors or something.

Prom is tomorrow night and I'm not too happy or excited about it, other than for the fact that I get to dress up and dance and have some fun. The main reason for my disappointment is that Danny will not be there with me. That's okay, though, because I figure that proms aren't exactly our thing... something bad always happens, ha. No, but he has a PASIC camp to attend at Texas State right now, which will open many doors to him. Anyway, I hope the music is better at prom this year than it was last year. Country and tejano are not prom material, for sure. I will be hanging out with Shane, Jessy, Anna, Priscilla, Megan, and lots of other friends of mine. It'll be a good time, I know. I got my nails done and my sister-in-law will be doing my hair. The dress my parents bought me is beige and it was $40 at Ross. I love Ross, don't you?

So many things are coming up now and I don't know how to handle it anymore. Everything is just so overwhelming to me. I have a lot of music to learn, I'll tell you that. Wednesday night, a patriotic themed Barnhart dinner is taking place and I volunteered to sing so I could have the opportunity to popularize myself with more important adults. It'll be a good thing, I hope. The next night I have to sing in the choir's spring concert, of course. I have a solo to sing that night, which I have not yet memorized. I am also working on a clarinet solo, clarinet trio, and new vocal solo. Everything needs to perfect, or so I would usually believe. I'm not really into it this year and for some reason I'm just whispering SCREW IT ALL and just have some fun. I'm going to be the misbehaved loser on the State Solo and Ensemble trip to Austin. *Sigh* Oh well. I need this.

Sunday is Mother's Day and I plan to take my mommy out to eat somewhere nice... probably the same place that I'm going to eat before prom: Shorty's. She would like that, I think. Last year Danny and I both took our moms out to Chili's but that turned out to be a disaster when Danny's mom's fish came out frozen thirty minutes after we ordered it... and then never came back even after everyone else finished eating. I'm sorry to badmouth Chili's here, but they do kind of offer horrible service. I hate eating there.

I quit Sonic. Actually, I had put in a two-weeks' notice sometime in April and just didn't show up the next Wednesday, which wasn't even a week from when I talked to the manager. Oh well. I have been constantly treated like shit and took it up the ass like a little bitch. I apologize for the cussing, but you do not know what I have been through at that job... working for minimum wage. I will not stand for that any longer and next time I get a job I will stand up for myself as much as I should. I, as an employee who does nothing but work her ass off, deserve the best. I won't accept anything else. I am really hoping to get a job at a bank this summer as soon as I graduate so that I can get some good money by sitting on my but all day counting money and cashing checks. Also, that way, I can have my nights to myself because banks are only open until about 5 P.M. Hallelujah! So I'm going to go check that out this summer. I think that Kicker 106 (the local country radio station) might still want me to go for that internship that I applied for. That would be some good experience to have under my belt.

Enough of all that boring stuff. My life isn't all boring now, is it? Oh, my gosh, I think it is. All work and no play for poor little me. Man, you don't understand how much I hate it. I did, actually, start having movie nights for two weekends in a row... last weekend we couldn't do it because of so many other things going on, but hopefully tomorrow after prom all of us can get together and have an after-prom breakfast party. Those are always fun, ha. Who knows what could happen? Another thing I've been doing is working at Mr. Stevenson's studio with the boys of Pool of Dreams. They are going crazy with that studio, I'll tell you that. I think they should leave all the recording and editing to the people who are used to it, like Vinnie or someone of his stature. I don't know. It causes so much controversy when I go to the studio to help out, so I decided finally that I will not be working there anymore, unless I am recording vocals. I will not be editing anymore songs. It's too troublesome to my relationship with Danny and I don't want that kind of damage severing what we have. It's horrible. Opinions are killer.

That's enough for you to read, whoever you are. And if you are reading this, I would appreciate a comment every once in a while or a reminder to update. It's hard with my overwhelming schedule to keep up or even remember to try. Until next time!

No, No Intentes Disculparte

2008-02-19T22:34:00.003-06:00

I have a urinary tract infection... again. I wonder if something is wrong with my kidneys because this is the second time within a year's time. It makes no sense. I'm so unhealthy... and yet I keep a healthy diet and I'm a good weight for my height and I sleep enough, I think. So why me? Right now I'm on medication that makes me terribly drowsy, though I don't feel like sleeping. I just feel like passing out, haha, if that's any better.

Well, guess what, readers! My birthday is on Thursday. Yes, it is my 18th birthday. Man, I don't know how to feel about that. Every year I am very torn apart by my upcoming birthday. It's cool because I am another year wiser than the last. But time passes by too fast, so fast that I can't really keep up anymore. I hate it. I am getting old. By turning 18 I am reaching an almost adulthood. I leave for college in August of this year. It's so close, but I wish it was farther away. I'm sure a lot of senior graduates feel the same way I do, and if not then they can't wait to leave this place. Yeah, right. I love this town - it's everything I know and love, even the disgusting, distinctive smells that surround you as you walk the streets, heh. It's nothing beautiful but it means something to me. I don't want to leave just yet. But I must. I will. And I have to accept that I am growing up now. I may not know how to drive yet, but that doesn't matter, ha. I skipped that growing process. But still, I am getting older. I have to learn to act more my age than I have been. I still feel so young. But I have 18 years of life experience. I think I'm ready to survive out there. And hopefully I'll be able to share all of that with my beloved Danny who may be transferring to Texas State in the fall. It won't be for me, but I know I'll be extremely happy if he goes through with it. He will be too. It would feel more complete with him by my side. <3

Okay, lights out for me. Until next time!

Sometimes Solutions Aren't So Simple

2008-02-11T23:07:00.000-06:00

Well, today was the last day that I am to see my 31-year-old brother in a really long time... a good six months or so. My blog tonight is dedicated to him. I don't even know where to start or what to say. I took his time spent with me for granted, for sure. And now I feel regretful for not taking more advantage of who he is to me. And I'm so sorry as I sit here in tears, missing him already, although I know I never spent much time with him anyway, which may seem stupid to some people. But I still miss him... because I know how much I'm going to miss him as time goes by. He's putting my parents through so much pain with what he has decided to do. He is now a part of the United States Army. Well, first he has to get through nine weeks of boot camp and then he goes off to school for becoming a mechanic, and hopefully be stationed somewhere near where we live, or at least not in a war zone. My poor brother... he is such a good person and is very much more worthy of life than to just be used by our stupid government for war. Just a soldier. Just a number. No. He is my loving, caring brother who I grew up with for eighteen years of my life, my entire life. And right now I can't seem to get myself to think of anything else. No one has ever been so obviously proud of me like he has been. He knows how hard it is to get where I am probably going to end up, even if I don't know how hard it is (if that makes any sense). He has never been very happy ever since we left California. I never have felt the pain of moving like that, so I probably can't understand the impact it left on him, but things changed for him here. And eventually he had to give up everything he ever loved and cherished in his life for his wife and kids, and that, to me, is no life to live. A family should be something great, no doubt. But what is it without your passion next to it? He has been so deprived of his talents and skills and hobbies to raise his family and never seemed happy. He, like my parents, believe that his leaving for the Army is for the best. Benefits on top of benefits, for sure. The kids will be well taken care of under his earnings. He'll most likely be doing what he's always wanted to do: mechanics. I hope he can be happy. I hope he can wake up every morning and smile at his whereabouts and belongings and hobbies. I hope he succeeds in every way he wants to. I am so proud of him for choosing a path that will lead him somewhere he believes is meaningful to himself. And that is meaningful to me. I love him so much and I pray for his ultimate protection, wherever he may end up. And it makes me cry so hard... to think of how proud he is of me and how much he really loves and cares for me. I know he does. Lately he just kept telling me how proud he is of me... I'm going to college. Nobody in my immediate family has gone to college from high school. That is a proud accomplishment to be accepted... and to hopefully survive. I just wanted to take some time to honor my brother for all he is and all he has accomplished and dealt with in life so far. I hope he has a long, healthy one ahead of him. We may not have been the closest of siblings, but we have a love for each other no one can break. He is my big brother, my protection from stupid boys, haha. At least he always liked to think so. He is my old playmate, my losing opponent when we wrestled, my hand to hold when I was young. My own hero, his family's hero... who is leaving to become everyone's hero. Thanks for looking out for me, Bro. I will always love you and help you out whenever you need it. I'm here for you just as you have always been here for me.

I don't know if I'm making sense or if this is even a good blog to post. But who cares, I'll do it anyway. I love you, Bro!! Until next time!

All The World I've Seen Before Me Passing By

2008-02-04T00:01:00.000-06:00

I'm sorry for seeming like I was putting down my relationship. No way in hell would I do that. No way. Danny and I are a beautiful couple, I must say. I've seen so many crash and burn after going through some of the things we've gone through, but instead of falling apart we become just that much stronger. So many people give up, but Danny and I are so equally stubborn that giving up is just not in our nature. You will see us lasting until the end of time, I can tell you that. Like I said... I'm a mood-swinger, no doubt about that. It's a love/hate relationship, as a friend said to me earlier today. We may bicker and have tiny issues, but we will always love each other at the end of every day. I can't stand falling asleep upset or angry, but I've had to do it anyway. But it'll all be alright soon, I know. I hate positivity when I'm angry but it's there. I need to finish this paper and get some sleep. Until next time!

I Found Your Picture Today

2008-02-03T10:50:00.000-06:00

You know, I have noticed that I don't take pictures anymore. Well, I think I have become uninterested because of the fact that my Kodak C875 uses up all the battery juice in each battery I insert inside it in less than an hour, pretty much. That really sucks. I used to love taking pictures of me and my friends and every day life. Well, it's not like I go out much anyway, you know? But it's my senior year. I want to have fun and have records of it somehow. I am having fun. My video camera has also been sitting around and collecting dust lately. That battery doesn't last more than an hour either... probably only 50 minutes at most. If only batteries could last longer and wouldn't be so expensive. Then maybe I'd enjoy the technology I have sitting all around me, ha. Stupid batteries... always bringing me down.

But don't you worry. I will be taking pictures in no time. I want to post some up like I used to when I would talk about my daily adventures. Well, I will go now. Until next time!

I'm Not Insane

2008-02-03T00:42:00.000-06:00

Good morning, everyone. It is now my month and by that I mean that my birthday is coming up real soon. This month also starts my hectic schedule of busy-ness. I'm going to hate it. And the last chance I had to see my baby in Kingsville has passed for his own reason, which I am very confused about still, and probably will be no matter how much he explains to me that he is waiting around for Whataburger's call (a job possibility for him). I mean, if a guy is waiting around for a call from an employer, why not go down there himself and talk to someone. He doesn't seem so enthusiastic to me and that's the weird part. Then he became all hostile and whatnot when I mentioned that he could have come visit for the weekend. No, he's too busy playing video games. But this rant is not the type that should be posted in a blog. Actually, I shouldn't mention it at all, but hey, I have no friends to truly confide in, so this is my last hope. If Blogger ever disappears, I don't know what I'd do. It's like I'm keeping a journal, but it's even better, because I feel I have an audience... someone or some people who are actually reading these entries word for word. It seems better than wasting notebooks of paper writing little bits of letters to myself, like I'm going to care for it later in life anyway. Well, I might, but oh well. This will still exist. This will always exist.

Birth control was supposed to relieve me of all my mood swings, but that definitely didn't happen today, or yesterday, in fact. No way. I am just so down and depressed, it's not even a laughing matter for my non-moody self. I am just so sad. No one cares, and I don't even know if any one of those no ones have noticed. I hope I am not stressing out, because if I am, this is only the beginning. I have so much to keep up with, and I don't even know if I'm going to be able to attend Scholars' Day in San Marcos to view the campus and stuff on Monday (the 11th) because I have yet to receive my third letter of recommendation from either Mrs. Latcham or Mr. Vela. I have to get it and mail it off by Wednesday or I'm just planning on giving that up. It wouldn't be worth trying to scrape it up last minute, you know? And on top of my stupid mood swings, I've been so fucking lazy. I had this whole entire night to just practice and do homework and catch up on things, but I didn't. I just didn't. And I don't even know why. I was laying in bed watching stupid reality shows and Where the Heart Is (that one movie about the Wal-Mart baby) on Oxygen and just got caught up in a world where nothing matters, where nothing exists... all except for me and that TV and that cell phone with an endless ringing on the other end, waiting for my non-existent lover to pick up his end. And I've been crying since I got home from work, I haven't eaten, and I'm not one bit hungry. No one's noticed, and I only mean the people that matter to me: my parents, Danny (they are basically the only ones that do). Ugh.

You know, I see all these love stories on television and whatever and it looks so real. It looks so completely real, but I don't have what is being portrayed. Or at least I don't feel like that today. I would sacrifice anything unimportant to go see Danny at any time of day or night. But would he? I would spend as much free time as I have when I don't have anything important to do or work on on him, with him. I do everything for him, everything and anything you can think of. And sometimes I just feel shit on because I care so much. But he loves me, I know he loves me. We have a great relationship with each other. We really don't lack anything, unless I'm feeling like this. So is this really a problem or am I just being a little bitch in a pretend shithole? No, I think that's exactly what it is. Don't mind me, then.

Well, I'm going to go continue my crying elsewhere because whatever I say now is not going to exist in the morning (or afternoon, depending on when I wake up). Until next time!

Morning Comes Too Early

2008-01-22T19:48:00.000-06:00

Well, there are some hot topics to talk about here. First of all, I want to give my condolences to the Ledger family who is suffering a great loss. Heath Ledger died today, assuming it was an overdose of sleeping pills. He was a great actor, one of my favorites, actually, and I loved his work (and his face), and he will be missed dearly. At the age of 28, he had his whole life ahead of him, but it looks as though this was his time. <3

Recently, as I have told you, I started taking Yasmin (a birth control pill), not to prevent myself from getting pregnant (what poppycock mind do you have?), but to control and get rid of my horrible mood swings. For my last cycle, I noticed a huge change, for I haven't lashed out on anyone, really. It is a fact that whenever a person's hormones change (in any amount of increase/decrease), you are prone to a mood swing. That totally sucks. But noticed that I said "person" and not "woman". Yes, I have recently learned that men have these random mood swings as well. I read an article today that was very helpful with this issue, in case any of my wonderful readers think that they have gone through the same thing with their man: click here. No, but yesterday, everything between Danny and I was completely mellow and great, you know? Well, it came time to pack up his things into my mom's van and drive him over to Kingsville so he can make it in time for an ensemble rehearsal at 6 PM. Well, he began to give me attitude that I just could not understand. He wouldn't wait for me as he walked, he would hardly speak to me - and when he did, it was in a very snappy manner. And I was wondering what was wrong for hours after he yelled at me in front of my mother because I didn't want to hand her his guitar from where I was uncomfortably sitting in the front seat holding onto it in fear that I might bump it on something and anger him. I would ask him what was wrong and he would tell me "I don't know... blah blah blah." Then we'd get in an argument and it was all downhill from there. I didn't know what to do... so I questioned it today: Do men have mood swings? And it is true. Testosterone is a hormone, of course, and anytime it changes, they may have a mood swing. Women's mood swings can last a few days or even weeks. Men's last about a few hours to maybe a day. That's the only difference between us genders. That, and men have a sort of way about keeping their emotions to themselves because "showing your feelings shows weakness" or some bullcrap like that. Nah, my baby always tells me how he feels and such, kinda. And he is not weak at all. Anyway, yeah, men have mood swings as well as women. Always remember that. And ladies, take note that you should treat them just as they should treat you while you're having one. I know how emotional you girls can get. Shoot, I have the worst PMS in the world, I'm telling you. But you have to deal with it and help them through it. Otherwise, you'll end up like me and Danny and continue fighting about a pointless subject because it makes no sense to either of us why he had been so angry.

I have so many things I have to take care of in the next three months. I swear I am going to be so stressed out by the time April comes around. Let's see:

Wednesday, January 23rd: A. C. Jones Mardi Gras Scholarship application deadline ($20)
Wednesday, January 30th: Texas State recruiters will be in town
Thursday, January 31st: Texas State Scholars' Day RSVP deadline
Friday, February 8th: Band - Solo & Ensemble/Disney World trip money due ($198.69)
Saturday, February 9th: Choir - Solo & Ensemble
Wednesday, February 13th: T.M.E.A. begins
Saturday, February 16th: T.M.E.A. ends, Texas State Bobcat Day
Thursday, February 21st: My 18th Birthday!!
Saturday, February 23rd: Winterguard Competition #1
Saturday, March 1st: Winterguard Competition #2, Texas State music school auditions
Saturday, March 8th: Mardi Gras Scholarship dance
Saturday, March 15th: Leave for Disney World
Monday, March 28th: Class of '67 Scholarship deadline

Well, I can tell you, I can't wait until I am relieved from all this nonsense. This is my checklist, haha. Once I get rid of one date, I will laugh until the next. I swear. I can't wait until all this troubling stuff is over and done with. I just want to relax and have some fun. But yes, on top of all of this, I have to keep up with my Dual English class AND my Calculus AP class so that I can maybe have a chance to make a 3 or a 4 on the AP exam so I won't have to take calculus in college (since it is required for my field).

*Sigh* I hope I can keep up with everything and stay ahead and on top of the game. This is all a game and contest and crap until I make into college. I'm telling you, I will get there. I promise you. Just you wait and see. And if you see me crying... I'll be okay. Just don't bother talking to me because I'll probably bite your head off anyway. Haha. Let me be bitter for just these next few months and then you can have your fun with me. But do wish me luck the whole time. Please. I really need it. PRAY FOR ME! :D!

I shall go. I have a lot of things I'd like to take care of. Oh, and by the way. I also have another responsibility on my hands. I have to be Danny's little manager and help him get into Texas State. That means, pushing him to apply and write his essays and whatnot. And I will get him scholarships. I will. Because years down the road from here I will be having to pay those loans that he's planning on getting... and he knows it, that bitch, haha. JK! I love him and I love to support him in every way - emotionally, inspirationally, and financially. :)! I'm serious. I like being his little sugar momma, haha. He hates it when I say that, though, so don't tell him. Until next time!

Look At All The Lonely People

2008-01-16T23:45:00.000-06:00

Well, as you can see, I have changed the template of my blog. I found it on BlogSkins.com and thought it would suit me and my blog well. So there you have it. Nah, I am not finished whatsoever. I plan on making my own, of course, like I usually do.

Anywho, today went well, considering I got to sleep in this morning until about 11 AM because I felt sick this morning. I realized that it wouldn't be worth going back to school so I stayed home and continued last night's research on Texas State University and looked at transfer student information for Danny because he says he wants to transfer there. That is, until 7 PM when I had to go to work. Then, to top off the day, I only made $3 in tips. The most I've made a night since I've gotten back was $18. That is really sad because I hear that it is really easy to make big tips ANYWHERE else. I guess Beeville really is a poor, inconsiderate town. Oh well. I am fixing to ask Carol (the manager of Sonic) about getting a raise because I have been working eight months now all together and I am getting paid as much as the next girl who is fucking lazy as hell and does absolutely nothing but stand around and scan every once in a while and act like she knows what she's doing (Alyssa). So yeah, I definitely deserve a loan because I do EVERYTHING there at Sonic. Believe me. I am NOT lazy.

Well, I'm on the phone with my love, so I am going to jet. Until next time!

And I Hope For Something Much More

2008-01-15T21:59:00.000-06:00

In the next few times I am online, I shall be editing my blog to look more inviting. I have been saying that for quite a while now, but I think now I am going to do it. I have gone through every pointless profile site that I had created a profile on in the past years and deleted the ones that meant absolutely nothing to me... finally. Now I am on MySpace, Hi5, Facebook, and MyYearbook. Wow, that is only four! I used to be obsessed about that crap. Oh yeah, I still have a Neopets account, so I guess that how to count somehow. Okay, now for the news and whatnot.

I auditioned for region band and advanced on to Area, which I had never done before, although I qualified my freshman year (I still wonder how far I could have gone then). Well, Mr. Knowlton hooked me up with Dr. KingSanders in Kingsville... thanks to Danny's mouth. She is the greatest clarinet player in the world, I believe, but not according to me. I mean, she won an international competition. That is great! And she gave ME lessons!! Well, she helped me out a lot and I had improved so much over the course of only three lessons. Well, at the auditions, I ended up making the same mistakes I always do at those things and I screwed myself over and made my way down to tenth chair out of the twenty-one players that I was a part of. I was proud to make such a good chair... I mean, top fifty percent! But, unfortunately, only the top four make it into the San Antonio All-State Band. Well, I'll be damned. Anyway, I would have never placed that high if it wasn't for Dr. KingSanders' help. THANK YOU!

Danny left today for his second semester of college. He has no electricity in his new apartment so I bet he will be staying at his brother's tonight, poor boy. The second he took off in his car from the high school after saying goodbye to me I was already missing him. Now the rain is falling and I am here sad and feeling lonely without him laying on my bed behind me or playing guitar so I could hear. I bet none of you know what I mean. Now I must endure the pain of attempting sleep in my cold bed alone. I can't wait until this college crap is over. It's only just beginning for me, though. All night I have been researching Texas State University. I got accepted, but I don't think that they considered my freshman scholarship application because it was said to be incomplete in a letter that I received after the deadline. I wish I would have known that a transcript was required, but oh well. Now I am in search of whatever I can find.

I applied at H.E.B. at the end of December and received a call for a phone interview soon after. After chit-chatting with my interviewer, she told me that I should go in the next day for a face-to-face interview and ... I couldn't. I had a lesson the next day at the same time she wanted to see me. Well, I was pissed and disappointed and I didn't know where to turn... so I applied to Sonic and they hired me two days later. :(! So now I am once again stuck at that disgusting fast food restaurant where tips are low and pay sucks too. Actually, my coworkers suck ass as well, except Priscilla and Amber (who is about to pop from pregnancy soon). In case you haven't figured it out, I am working at Sonic. Too bad for me. At least I get the food half-off when I'm on break.

Well, I think now I will mourn over today's loneliness and try to fall asleep since I only had three hours of it last night... kind of. I don't even know. I recently got prescribed to some birth control because of my irregularity in my periods and PMDD-like symptoms that I could never stand. It was always the cause of my relationship's issues... that part of me would LOVE to start fights. But no, those mood swings are put to the grave now, I hope. But don't worry, everyone, I'm still a good girl. Or am I? Hmm. Until next time!

It's Obvious That You're Dying

2007-11-18T11:02:00.000-06:00

I haven't mentioned choir and band tryouts at all lately. I mus, I mus, I must! Distrtict Choir tryouts were on September 29th and I placed third out of about twenty in my district as an Alto 2 singing Hvalite Imia Ghospodne (Russian), O Clap Your Hands, and Gloria.. That was encouraging, for real. So then I moved on to Region Choir tryouts and placed sixth out of about forty, which is first alternate for advancing to Area Choir Tryouts. GRR!! I didn't quite make it but I have till sometime in January for someone to get sick or have a failing grade. I can only hope. District Band tryouts were yesterday and I placed third out of twenty-four. I know I did better than the two players ahead of me, though, which sucks major ~~ass~~, but oh well. I can only go up from here. If I keep practicing hard every weekday, I can place high in region for sure. My goal is to make it to State somehow. I want to perform at TMEA. That would be such an honor for me. I want to make my mark, you know? Well, guys, thank you for all of your support in all I do and continue wishing me luck as I go on with my journey.

College is another story now. I'm not so successful in choosing what exactly I want to do. Right now I plan on attending Texas State University in San Marcos while majoring in Sound Recording Technology. I'm worried about that because Texas State is apparently a top party school in Texas and I don't want that kind of environment around me. I've never been raised around that ~~shit~~ and I don't want to start now. Ugh, but that school is the only one in Texas that offers any kind of recording studio program and that's what I want to do. It sucks.

Lately, Danny and I have been doing really well, thank goodness. I can't wait until this Thanksgiving break comes. He and I will be able to spend some quality time together for once. I miss him so much, you don't understand. It's hard to not have him around all the time like I'm used to. And it is so hard to sleep sometimes without him next to me. Man, we used to spend every single night together. I want that still. Hopefully that can all be redeemed next week. *sigh* Oo, there's a Lamb Of God & Killswitch Engage concert on December 9th. We are sooooo going to be there. Those of you coming along, see you there!

Well, I must go now. Until next time!

I Don't Wanna Spend My Life Jaded

2007-11-05T01:31:00.000-06:00

So I haven't even worked on changing any of my layouts. I've been going through some rough times lately, actually that it's been very impossible to even spend any time online. Danny and I just had a fight. It's not uncommon now, which sucks. But I find that the only reason we argue is because of my stubbornness and inability to accept defeat when I am wrong about something. He knows he has me, though, and continues to scratch and scratch until I'm all laid out and bleeding. The boy kills me.

I am not the same person I used to be. I can't stand it. My excuse for this is that, yes, I do have friends, but they are not the same people that I used to be friends with and do not have the same personalities. They don't enjoy late night walks throughout a cemetery with a full respect for life and love. I also believe that this has changed because I am getting older and a lot of us are starting to realize that there is no more time for games. I don't want to make any mistakes in choosing where I should go for college and what my major should be. I'm still scared and very undecided. I don't know what's going to happen to me. I don't know where I am going. I need to focus on that and not on a social life so that I can have fun. No, I don't have much time left, and everyone keeps telling me that. But at the same time I know I'm neglecting the friends I do have. The ones I did have are still friends but they know nothing about me today. Life is about love and passion and relationships. But I can't do this right now.

I think I just need help. Danny has been a hero of mine since day one. I gave him all of me when we first started our friendship. I just knew he could be someone I could trust, no doubts. After all that I have had to put up with and deal with up to that point in time, he was the one to open me up without even any effort. I love him so much and I for sure know that he loves me. Anyone who takes my challenges every single day like he does has to love me or something. I would've killed me by now, you know? Though his words fly through me like bullets, I know he cares about me. I need it. But he's leading me to where I need to be. His heart and soul are my saviors. His push is all I need to survive living with myself. I know I make horrible decisions at times. I can fix it while there is time.

A lot of you have no idea what's going on. Actually, I don't think anybody does. I've built up my walls so high around Danny and me. He knows how to climb over but I'm too weak. Willpower is all I need now. I just need to want to get over that wall and be willing and able to knock it down and put it out of existence. I still have fun in my life, no doubt. But I'm 17 and shouldn't be having these stress problems. Lord, help me, if you're listening... I am willing to change. I am, I am, I am. I don't want to be this person anymore. But my life isn't over... no one's is. I'm still learning, you know? Just give me a chance to learn more about who I am and where I belong.

Danny, I love you more than words or physical touches can ever express. You give me power and strength as I need it. But I can't depend on you forever to try to show me where to go, and I know that. I've always known that. I apologize to you for not being able to admit I'm wrong. I have jealousy issues. I think that you know that. I'm jealous that I can't be there with you like those other unfamiliar faces are. I'm concerned about where you are and your safety. I'm sorry that I want to know and nag all the time about where you are constantly, but I can't help it baby. It's not that I think you're doing wrong... because I know you aren't... but I just want to feel as if I'm there with you. Baby, I love you so much. You are the man, the only man of my dreams. You have taught me a lot of things since I've met you. I will fight till the end, babe. You and I... we're going to get married one day and live great lives. You know it. We will make it to the end. We can only wait and see, but it will happen for sure. I will never let you down. Disappointment can always be ruled out, just remember that. <3

Baby, this one's all for you. I thank you. Until next time!

I Can't Survive Without Your Sweet Love

2007-10-08T23:57:00.000-05:00

I think it's time that I remodel every internet profile I own... and get rid of the ones that I don't want or use anymore. My blog is cool and all but I need something different - more like the new me. I am definitely not the same girl I was when I first started blogging nor am I the same as I was when I last remodeled. I need something to portray exactly who I am. And I think my "About Me" page is way too personal for anyone to need to see. If you know me, you know me, and if you don't - well, that's too damn bad for you, eh? So what do you think? Should I have a profile that is more friendly and open as I have become or... what? I don't know. Send me some ideas, color schemes. Let me know!! Plus, I haven't had a comment from any of my readers in a long time. That may be because I don't have any anymore or you guys just lost interest because of my random blogging days. I'm really sorry, I am. Well, that's life for you. You can't always record everything you want to. Memories might always have to stay just those. But now I've got some time on my hands. I shall get started soon. Until next time!

All You Need Is Love

2007-10-07T01:41:00.000-05:00

I am joyfully hung up on love these days. Though apart for a week at a time, Danny and I have been doing really well. I believe that these small breaks are doing us some kind of good and has improved our relationship immensely. I miss him during those periods of time that we are an hour and a half away from each other. But it's all okay. September 24th marked one whole year for us. We are surviving without a struggle. <3

I am quitting Sonic [for now]. I need to get settled into school without the stress of a hard job on my shoulders. Every day I strive to make time longer in the day so that I can avoid work as much as possible, and I shouldn't feel that way. I am 17 years old - young and free. So I am going to try to help myself a little by quitting and taking a break. I've got almost $1000 saved up anyway so I'm good with any need I may have. Today [Sunday] marks my last day as an employee. I am also so busy that almost every weekend I need off. And for some reason no one likes to work for anyone anymore. It really does suck. I'm sick of that so it's time to take a break from it all for only a while.

District Choir tryouts were last weekend and I placed in 3rd chair out of about thirty Alto 2's. I felt so good about that, seeing as how I messed up the first song a little by breathing in the wrong places - totally out of nervousness. But it's okay - next time I need to allow my self to breathe a little before I start belting out any words from my mouth. And this year I'm hoping I'll be a little bit more prepared for the sightsinging portion of Region tryouts. Congrats to everyone else who is advancing! I am trying really hard to make it to State Choir this year... mainly because it will give me free room & board at Texas A&M Kingsville, where Danny and a great music program are located. If I don't go there I'm hoping to get into the audio technology program at Texas State in San Marcos, where the only program of its kind exists in Texas. It sucks that I'm limited to the #2 party school in Texas, but that's alright. If I've survived high school for this long, I think I'll be okay, haha. Ya think?

Five more weeks until the last football game of the season, and then it's off to playoffs. The main reason I mention that is because the marching band's senior show is always at the last home football game. This year it is on Nov. 9th and I'm finally a senior so we get to run it. It is definitely going to be the best one yet, I can tell you that. :)! I have a lot of great ideas and everyone is surprisingly ecstatic about them. Though we do have a lot of work to do on this, it'll be great in the end. But I still have to talk some things over with Mr. K, our director. I hope he approves everything. I would be so grateful.

By the way, our marching band is horrible this year. Trumpets attempting to play an octave or two higher than what's written on their music due to lack of good behavior and disrespect... flute players not knowing how to march in step... upper-classmen saxophone players not remembering their parts... clarinet players forgetting that they have to traverse. Dude, not one year in my three years of marching have we ever been this bad. I have no idea what I can do about this. I guess I have to just sit back and watch us fall apart because numerous times I have tried to get these problem people to listen and pay attention. I just want to cry. It is my senior year and we have a chance to go to State. But by the way we're looking and sounding... that's not going to happen. I think I have to just give up that goal of marching in a state marching band one day and move on. No one cares as much as me, I can tell. This matters just so much to me. I don't get what it is about these people... they just think it means nothing to anyone or something. I dream of it. Call me whatever the heck you want... I love marching band... I am a dork. GET OVER IT. But I want this. I do. This is one thing I cannot get, though. I'm still trying my best to get us there. The effort of one person doesn't make it the best for everybody, though. If only I could get people to understand me and know how much it matters.

This is my update for today. Maybe soon I can learn to get back on track with this whole blogging concept I used to be so in love with. Thanks for reading. Until next time!!!

Oh Happy Day

2007-08-24T13:07:00.000-05:00

I would ecstatically like to declare that today marks a special anniversary. Danny and I have been together for eleven long, sweet months. I hope to endure many more with this man that I love so very much. I can't decide whether eleven months seems more or less than what it is. I met Danny at the beginning of my freshman year and fell in love with him not too long after that. Man, have I deserved to say that he and I will be together for an entire year next month. I sure have waited long enough. I can't explain to you how much I love this man. [Happy anniversary, baby.]

School starts on Monday... oh joy. Yeah, I could wait a bit longer. I'm not ready. And besides, my schedule is completely wrong and my counselor has yet to fix it. It couldn't be more wrong, I swear. *I hope everything works out.*

We have been working so hard throughout the course of summer band. We already have the first drill down. It's not competition material just yet, but it's pretty darn good, if I must say so myself. I've been marching for... well, this is my fourth year and my third year as drill instructor. We progressed FAST. It's so awesome. I just think we may have a chance to get to State. I sure hope so. It's my last year for that. I want my senior year to be the best year of my life. It's tough enough with Danny in Kingsville all year for college, but I can survive it.

Oh yeah, in my last blog, I totally forgot to mention how I did at State solo and ensemble. I made a one on my vocal solo: Las'cia... and a two on my clarinet solo and ensemble. I was so excited about the one. :)! I love to sing <3. Hopefully I'll see that again this year.

I'd better get to cleaning my super messy room... until next time!

You Spin Me Right Round

2007-06-11T13:07:00.000-05:00

March 13th? That was the last time I blogged? I cannot believe I skipped so much time. This is ridiculous. I should, like, quit my job or something to get back on track. I have a job? What?! Yes. Let's see... where in the world should I begin?

I'm not too sure when I got hired, but it was sometime in March when I started working at Sonic Drive-In. It's a fun job... except in the summer, I'm learning. It's really hot working outside. I never was too fond of it, but I guess it's a good thing to sweat. I need it. I don't make much tips, but in Beeville, none of us girls do. I make about $15-20 on a good night. I work five days a week from 1 hour to 7 hours each shift. It all depends on how long I feel like staying and how long they need me. I'm actually one of their best workers, I've been told. :)! That's awesome. It's a job to keep for sure. No one knows what may happen during marching season, though. That's going to be so tough on me.

Annual actually happened this year. Mrs. Latcham and Mrs. Holder sponsored it for us this year. And just guess how many acts I was in! THREE!! Yesh, and I'm so proud of myself. The first song I performed was with Pool of Dreams [consisting of Danny, Parker, and Josh] and it was called Conspiracy by the band I have just recently discovered: Paramore. Woo, man, that one was so much fun to do. The second song was a song that Danny and I had written, called My Love. He played guitar while I sang. The only problem about that whole deal was that the guitar's pick-ups had no battery-juice left so you couldn't hear it. Oh, yes, and Mario accompanied us on piano so it didn't sound TOTALLY horrible. Almost, though. The third song was just Mario and me performing Evanescence's Breathe No More. I think everyone enjoyed my performances. It wasn't too bad. I know I had a lot of fun, though. And there wasn't many screw-ups on my part this year. That's why I'm proud of myself. Also because I performed a song that I had written. Oh, it was so awesome.

Prom... I thought it kinda sucked but I still had fun. Danny was my date, of course. We ate at Shorty's for dinner before we went, and afterwards a bunch of us hung out at Shane's house. The thing that sucked about prom was the music. Country and tejano are not my favorite genres of music to dance to. I know I hate rap and all that junk, but man, those are what I get down and dirty with. There was no way that dancing was a highlight of prom. No way.

Danny graduated. He's excited about it, but I'm rather sad. We've been together for 8 whole months now, plus a few days. Everything has been quite peachy lately between us. I'm going to miss him like heck when he moves off to Kingsville. I'll hardly see him, especially since I have a job and stuff. He's looking for a job right now in Beeville so that he could earn some extra money for some instrumental purposes and for college. I keep hoping he applies at Sonic because I'm sure we'll hire him. But he doesn't like that the cooks only get paid $5.50. Plus, Sonic probably wouldn't be so good with hours. People go on breaks constantly... and people are always let off early. That would suck for Danny. It's just that it'll be the best way for us to spend time together and I thought it'd be nice. He wants to try for the new Walgreens we have now. I just want my baby to be happy, so it's okay.

I don't think I left anything too important off. Oh yeah... my summer sucks. I have summer school and I work, and it's just really hectic. From 8-10 a.m. I go to the local college (Coastal Bend) for English 1301 every Monday-Friday. From 10:15-3:15 every Monday-Thursday I go to the LRC that's downtown and take Speech and Government. I hate speech, government's awesome, and english is just so-so. The reason I like government is because it's taken on a computer. That way, there's no teacher or student to slow me down. I like to work at my own pace, which is pretty quick. I heard that once we finish we don't have to show up anymore. Therefore, I can leave after speech, which ends at 12:15. That would be so perfect. I think all classes end on June 28, so hopefully July will be so much better than this month.

This pretty much sums it all up for you. I'm in Kingsville right now with Danny and Parker. I'm on Juan's computer in his apartment while the guys are off registering for next year at the college. I'm starving my ~~ass~~ off right now, but it's all good. My baby will be back with some food for me soon, I hope. All righty... time to end this one. Hopefully it won't be too long until I update again. Until next time!!!

Tears Don't Fall, They Crash Around Me

2007-03-13T13:27:00.001-05:00

Hey, guys! You'll never believe what my lazy ~~ass~~ did this past Thursday. Well, I applied at the new Chili's to be a hostess or waitress, but apparently they didn't want me so being a little down, my dad drove me to Sonic Drive-In to apply there and luckily for me the owner was there [he owns seven Sonics]. He talked to me and pretty much handed me the job. And you know what? I started on Friday. And I love it, especially the tips. :P! But yeah, I'm a money-making woman now. Watch out, world! Haha, jk. But yeah, it's pretty cool. It sucks that I have to work during Spring Break and all, but I don't mind. It'll all be worth it on Monday when I get my first paycheck. So far I should have around $75 on me. That's sooo awesome. I can't wait to get paid.

Yesterday, out of tips and money that I saved up, I bought a new pair of shoes [they're so cool!] and some Slim-Fast stuff. I'm trying to put myself on a diet to lose some weight before *ahem* prom *ahem*. Haha. Hey, I wanna look good. And having a fast-paced job and then dieting would be a perfect way to slim down. So yeah. I know I'm not really fat or anything, but I want to be toned, you know? Of course.

I haven't been doing much during the break lately. I mean, I've been working every day so far. My only day off is Thursday, unless I go to Laredo for some reason or another next weekend. But I don't know. I think it'd be better if I worked and earned some more money so I can get a fatter paycheck. I don't know yet. Oo, Saturday night Kristin invited Megan, Anna, me, Danny and Parker over to her house. I originally had plans to stay the night but I was too ~~damn~~ tired from working to do that. So I just went to hang out. We watched the movie Tenacious D, which was pretty hilarious, in my opinion. Then we decided to try and make a cheesy horror movie ourselves. Haha. Danny and I left at midnight and everyone else kept working on it until around 4 a.m. so yeah, we weren't in much of it. But the whole thing turned out to be really funny in the end, so I witnessed a night later. Kristin, Megan, Parker, and Danny came to my house that next night and we watched Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang. I loved it, it was pretty cool. The boys left at midnight and Kristin and Megan ended up staying the night. We had fun just chilling and stuff. Man, have I missed my girls. Ha, I had a great time. *"Yyeeaahh, hhaa hhaa..."* :P! Inside joke.

I guess I'd better go and do something productive while I have time to. Until next time!

Simple And Clean

2007-03-03T03:44:00.001-06:00

Somehow I only ended up reading a bunch of my old blogs. I live in the past too much, don't I? I guess that shows through me keeping a blog. Well, no, because I also blog because I like to write and keep journals. But yeah, that's all about living in the past right there. I'm dumb. Oh well. A lot of those blogs made me think about some stuff. They actually got me pretty upset too. It's been two and 1/4 years since I started this thing up, you know. How many of you have been reading it from the start? Man, I've changed so much too. It's so crazy... and I can see that in myself. I liked the way I used to be. I used to have fun, I used to be a little wild. Now I pretty much just keep to myself and my personal life. It seems like it's better this way, though. But now that I'm 17, I guess I should show a little more maturity, right? I don't know, I guess.

Do you guys remember that story I told you I'd tell you one day? Well, that day is getting closer, I bet you that. You just hold on and I'll dish everything to you. :P! You know you want to know. Well, you just have to wait. Then you'll discover the biggest shocking moments of my life thus far and you never will have known. Unless, of course, you're one of my bestest friends ever and I spilled it to you already. Ok, ok, I'll say goodnight now. Until next time!

I Cling To Memories While Falling

2007-03-03T03:08:00.001-06:00

Don't you just hate arguments? I mean, everything's perfectly fine when all of a sudden your boyfriend pisses you off on accident and then you stupidly act upon it when the whole thing could've been avoided in the first place? Never had that problem? Well, lucky you. That's what's keeping me up at this hour... and also the fact that I consumed 100 mg of caffeine earlier from this stupid Enigma drink or whatever. Man, I shouldn't have done that. I fell for "Calorie Burner" on the front label. What?... it had green tea in it. I couldn't resist trying it. And then I bought a SlimFast which I'm saving for breakfast... or lunch, all depending on when I wake up. All this happened while on my wild adventures with my coolest [and only] girl friends.

It'll all started when Danny pissed me off by not calling me back [I'm so sorry, my baby!]. Then I called up Anna and asked what she had planned for the day. Apparently nothing, so we wanted to make an attempt to get all the girls together and whatnot and have some good ole fun. We called up Kristin, Megan, and Jessy... and boy, did we have fun. Jessy showed up at my house first, then as we were walking out the door to take a walk, Anna popped out of her mommy's car. We walked over to Mason's mom's apartment to pick up Megan, and then Kristin showed up. Well, we had a whole crew with nothing to do. So we messed around with Mason's little brother [Brent, I think]. That was hilarious... he was dressed up like George Washington or something. :! Then we walked to my house, discussed what we should do and decided to take a walk to the Pantry. So we did... and on the way had some great random fun [it surely has been a while]. That's where I bought that CRAP and everyone else loaded up on snacks, those fatties. :P! I still owe Megan $1.60... woops!! Remind me!! Kristin bought us two some Ring Pops and then we got "married" under a tree just like Norbit and Kate, hahaha. Anywayz, on the way back from the Pantry, we thought we should go bug Brianna at her apartment, which I learned that [oddly enough] she lives right underneath my grandma!! That's crazy, and I never knew. Well, that was interesting. We hung out at the park at the apartments for a while, a long while, and then headed back to my house [just us five still]. We watched videos on YouTube and listened to some cool music before all the girls took off and I was alone again. It was about 9:30 or so by that time and still so pissed off. *Sigh* How retarded am I?

That's when the argument happened. If only I had repressed my anger, then I could be asleep by now, happily ever after. The end. But no, now I have to stay up and then wake up in the morning really late to discover that I'm still angry. UGH! When will it end!? Hopefully soon because I'm really tired. I just can't sleep. Gah, I can really screw things up for myself sometimes.

Well, time to say goodbye and do something more productive while I'm up. I might as well use this time wisely. Who knows when I'll be free again, right? Sure. I'll probably stuck at home like I almost was this past day. By the way, if you're wondering why I've been posting so frequently lately, it's because the 4th six weeks just ended and I'm not completely busy like I usually am. Though my grades ~~fucking~~ sucked, everything's settled. No, I'm not failing, but I've made more B's and C's in my life than I ever have before. That cannot be good for my GPA. Uh-uh, no way. Man, if our semester grades in preAP and AP classes didn't have that extra 15 points added when doing ranks, I'd be soooo deep in the hole right now. Lucky me, I'm still somehow in the top 10%. I'm gonna make it so that I don't have to be lucky and it's all from up here *points to brain*. I swear I'm gonna be studying this six weeks. And the next one after that. All A's is my goal. And I will keep to it. You'll see. You'll see! Ok, well, like I said. Time to go. Until next time!

Arch, Arme Welt

2007-02-28T17:40:00.001-06:00

Life is good, though I have a slight headache at the moment. I'm fixing to burn some CDs to delete some songs off my computer. I have a crapload on here and I told myself I wouldn't let that happen because it'll clog up my computer's memory... but I guess I lied, ha. So yeah, I'm going to take care of that real soon. And I also need to check out some scholarships for juniors on this site, . If I don't get scholarships, I don't think I'll be able to get to an awesome college of my choice. Money, money, money! I swear, it holds us all back from something. I also have some homework I need to get done. *Sigh* I hate school. Don't you?

I'd better get going now. Until next time!

For Your Honor You Will Slaughter Every One Of Your Daughters

2007-02-27T19:41:00.001-06:00

It's been a LLOONNGG time, hasn't it? My poor fans, I am so very sorry. I've kept you waiting two whole months. Well, it's good to be back on this page updating just for you guys to know what's been happening. Lots of good things happening. Let me inform you as best I can.

January... is a total blur. I really don't remember any events from January besides the fact that I was cramming in practice for Solo/Ensemble which was coming up in February. Nothing much really went on besides my dad's birthday and my older brother's birthday. Old, old people. :P! I'm just kidding!

Solo/Ensemble was on February 9 [band] and 10 [choir] in Victoria. For band, I played my clarinet solo [Second Sonata Op. 120 No. 2 by Brahms] with accompaniment by Danny's brother Juan and I also played with my clarinet ensemble [Canzonetta], which included Sarah, Shane, and Bettie. Well, it just so happened that I caught bronchitis somewhere the week before and didn't ever have a good practice time to work things out. It really sucked, I can tell you that much, and I sooo wasn't ready to perform in front of a judge. Well, after I played and heard the judge's comments, I wanted to run up and hug the man. He gave me a first division rating. He understood and sent me to State Solo/Ensemble... I love him for his kindness and sincerity [Thank you!]. I was scared about my ensemble because I knew we weren't State material, but that same judge also gave us a one, which was so exciting. Oo, and I'm sooo proud of Danny for making a one on his solo and his ensemble with Parker, Albert, and Mario. Good job guys, and everyone else who qualified!! But no, it's not over. The next day we went to choir Solo/Ensemble and with no practice whatsoever for an entire week, I made another first division rating. This time it was on my VOCAL solo [Lascia, Ch'io Pianga by Handel], surprisingly. I can tell you now, though, my ensemble [A Se Jolis Mois, with Danny, Matt, and Yvonne] sucked so bad. We never had a decent practice together until that very day and we just couldn't pull it off. Aww, so we made a two. But that's okay! I'm still going to State on three accounts. How glad am I!

On Valentine's Day, I gave Danny a furry purple-ish gorilla, a box of chocolates shaped like a heart, and a candle that smells like roses. He loved them. :P! I actually bought those things like a week or two in advance, so I was glad to get the anticipation out of my system, ha. It was a good day and I'm glad I finally had a Valentine to share that day with. <3 Aww, I love him so much.

The next Friday, February 16, Mr. Knowlton was taking a few of us high school kids to San Antonio to check out TMEA [Texas Music Educators Association], which is a convention that only music directors and their family members or registered college students can get into. We all posed as family members to Mr. Knowlton, Mr. Vela, and Mr. McKelvey. I ran into William and Eric over there. It was cool to see soooo many clarinets. Man, I swear, that place was awesome and I will never miss one as long as I don't have to. It was so great. It was Danny, Parker, Shane, Kelsey, Mario, and me that went. I mainly hung with Shane and Kelsey... but I really wanted to spend the day with Danny. It also sucked because he even refused to come eat with us at Fuddrucker's, which I really wanted to do with him, but oh well. Past is past. So I spent $10 on food and then later bought a clarinet method book from the convention for $30, which I do not regret at all.

On Saturday, February 17, my parents drove Danny and me to Corpus Christi's Concrete Street Amphitheater to go to a concert. Danny bought $30 tickets for us to see Gojira, Machine Head, Trivium, and Lamb of God!!! It was my Valentine's Day/birthday present. We so cut in line while waiting for the gates to open into the venue. Oh, we had a backpack with us full of clothes because we had planned to spend the night at his brother's in Kingsville once the concert was over and no one had a car for us to put it in during the concert so we just brought it in with us. It took forever for the people to search the ~~damn~~ bag, I swear. As soon as we got through the gates, we ran up to the front, the very front, where no one was in front of us, and I stood in between some buddies from school, Marissa and Mistie. Danny stood behind me with his arms around me. I put the backpack on my frontside, which was actually a pretty good idea because the railing wasn't squishing my stomach or boobs like it was the other girls. I felt mighty privileged. The concert happened in the order I listed the bands earlier [above]. Gojira put on an awesome show. I love their song Ocean Planet. Stupid Mistie [grr] got to take home the drummer's drumstick. Haha, the guitarist handed it to her from the stage. Man, if only it was me. But they were great. Machine Head was even better, I must say. I touched the guitarist's hand!! And Mistie also got ahold of their songlist... it's their order of songs that they tape on the floor for the guitarists to know what song's next and whatnot. She gave it to Danny and me and when we looked at it later we saw the guitarist's footprints on it. Bad-~~ass~~, eh? It was so cool! Next up was Trivium. I was scared for my life by the time they came on because the pushing and shoving was getting a little rowdy. Danny protected me as best he could. But I at least got to see those guys up close and stuff. Corey was smack dab in front of us. And they played their solos right in front of our ~~fucking~~ faces. Woo, man, what excitement! I love Trivium. I could've just died right there. Haha, jk. But yeah, it was hella good. "Sorry if you hear any squeaking, I'm going through puberty right now..." Eh, lame singer for that, but he still has an awesome voice, I can tell you that. Omg, you guessed it... Lamb of God was up to play. Finally I wasn't in the front anymore. A lot of people were in such a small space, I couldn't believe it. When they started playing I could hardly breathe anymore. Yeah, it was really bad for me. I'm only five feet tall and all those 5'5" tall people were drowning me and I just couldn't handle it. I asked Danny if we could get out of there and we started pushing like crazy. It was tough to get out. My poor little body rubbed against so many others, it was disgusting, but I couldn't worry about that... I had to keep thinking to myself to breathe and stay alert. I was about to pass out! Danny finally dragged me out of the crowd, backpack and all. I felt bad because I wanted Danny to go enjoy Lamb of God and I really wanted to be up there too, but he stayed with me and we got a pretty good view eventually. Plus, there was a projector on a screen to the left of the stage showing close-ups of the guys, so it wasn't too bad. And believe me, you can hear so much better when you're standing in the back, haha. No duh. Woo, good times, good times. I finally got my ability to stand up again and we headed over to buy some water. I've never tasted better water, no kidding. When the concert was over, I went over to the merch booth and picked up a Trivium poster for $10 and a Lamb of God long=sleeved shirt/hoodie for $35 [which Danny split with me, $17.50]. Ooo, yeah... while we were up front, a crowd surfer that went over us was bleeding from somewhere and bled in both Danny's and my hair and we also found a huge glob on the back of my shirt, pretty much right under my neck. It was so disgusting... ugh. There was also some blood on Danny's eyebrow, poor guy. It was some nasty stuff, but I dunno what happened to the guy that was bleeding. Anywayz, that was it. Afterwards, Mistie hooked it up with a ride to Whataburger and Juan picked us up there. It took about 30 minutes to an hour to get to Kingsville, but when we did Danny and I settled in Juan's apartment, ate, took showers, and went straight to sleep while watching Troy. Haha, it was a great weekend, no doubt at all. The next day, Danny and I drove home to Beeville. - What a long story, my gosh.

Wednesday, February 21, was my 17th birthday. Yesh, I am able to walk the streets in the middle of the night legally now [like I do that anymore anyway]. Danny was the first to tell me happy birthday, which was a great start for my day. Stacy called me in the morning as I was getting ready for school to tell me happy birthday and that we should make plans to hang on the weekend. My parents wished me a happy birthday. And then I don't know how many people I heard yelling "Happy birthday, Melissa!" from all directions at school. It was cool and so totally my day. Shane gave me a card, and so did Stacy [the next day]. During lunchtime in the bandhall [where I usually eat my lunch], Danny surprised me with a chocolate cake, which he and Parker lit with candles and presented to me with the birthday song. :D! I felt so special. It kinda annoyed me how some people that hang out in there are about peoples' cakes. They don't even really care about me... they just wanted free food. I let them have some out of courtesy but man, it sucked. Ohh, but I love Danny for it... it was sooo good and so "icing-y" as I described it, ha. At the end of the day, Bettie gave me a card she made herself out of paper with peoples' "donations" to me... made up to about $15. I already knew about the card but I didn't think I'd get THAT much money [Thank you so much, Bettie. I appreciate it a bunch!]. I went home and I found another birthday cake with my name on it and then a present sat next to it. My mom told me to open the present right away so I did and I totally loved it! I still do. I never put it down. It's an 8-megapixel digital Kodak camera. AAHH!! I was so shocked to see it... I wasn't expecting THAT. A camera, yeah, but THAT. Wow, it's amazing and I <3 it. So does everyone else who sees it. :)! I am superior! Haha, jk. My birthday was just absolutely wonderful. It couldn't have been better.

On this past Friday and Saturday I went to the library with Danny to help him on his research paper project for his college english class. It didn't just benefit him because I'm getting experience for the class... since I just might take it next year. It was fun though hanging with Danny at the library. Haha. I know it's a library, but still. Plus, I WANT to help him. <3 Friday I went to Stacy's for the first time in an extremely long time. We haven't hung out since, like, the summer or something. We went to the park and talked about things going on in our lives and had a pretty good time. Danny later picked me up around 8:45 and he and I went to go see Norbit at the movies [I paid]. I must say, that movie was worth the money because it was hilarious. You should go and see it... now... I command you. Saturday marked me and Danny's 5-month anniversary. It's almost been half a year. Oh, believe me, it seems much longer to me as well, haha. Sunday, Danny and I were invited to go hang out with Nick, Matt [D], Matt [T], Albert, and Parker at Poesta Creek Park. We had a fun time out there and then Matt [T] had gotten a call from his parents or something to go to the First Baptist Church for free food and sno-cones. He invited us and it was like, Hey, let's go. So we went and mooched off the Baptists, sad to say. I didn't want to do it... I was pretty reluctant about it... but we were invited so I went along with it. We didn't eat much anyway. We saw Mr. Knowlton there and that was a pleasure. It wasn't so bad to be there, though. Lots and lots of love. Danny and I left early from the crowd so we could go finish his research paper homework that was due the next day. We eventually finished it... really late. Haha.

Now I'm here today. Jazz band was cancelled today, most likely for the rest of the year. That really sucks, you know. It's really sad that people [like our TROMBONE-PLAYERS] can't keep their ~~fucking~~ grades up. It 's really stupid, too. We're probably going to sound like crap for our band UIL contest as well. This really upsets me because I was finally loading up on songs [not like last year where I only had one]. I was actually going to be able to sing more and I was so excited. Things just aren't going the right way in band anymore. It really sucks. *Sigh* I hope this doesn't continue next year. It's my last year... and I will ~~bitch~~ at some retards if I have to, I know I'm not going to care. Oo, I applied to work at Subway after school today. I can work a few days a week and get a fat paycheck of about $200 and be happy. My parents will keep supplying me with my necessities and then I'll have some spending money. I can get an Ipod, a classical guitar, and some clarinet accessories myself. :)! It sounds good to me, even if I have to deal with stubborn people for a day. I'll survive with that money, I can tell you that. The employee who handed me my application and took it back said she thinks the manager will give me a call tomorrow or so. I sure hope she will. I want an interview soon and I want to make some money for myself to by some nice things not only for me but for my parents and Danny and my friends. I just know I'll be feeling good about myself if I had a job. *Hope, hope, hope*

Okay, I should be going now. I want to look at some Spanish stuff since I know I need to start getting myself to learn things independently if I want to get anywhere on that AP exam, ha... my teacher, Mrs. Partida, surely doesn't know how to teach. She's really nice and I love her for that, but I just can't stand her horrible teaching skills. And another thing is that she doesn't understand that none of us come from a background of good teachers so we don't understand what she talks about the majority of the time. I don't know what to do about this. Yesterday I learned that my average this six weeks turned out to be a 78. That is really not good for my GPA, especially if I want to stay in the top 10% of my class. Right now I'm 16/220 or so. I can't drop. She's forcing me down there, though. I need to stay on top of things. And being gone for three days straight on account of viral bronchitis didn't help at all with that either. Okay, enough talk, more do. Until next time!

Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot...?

2006-12-27T12:56:00.000-06:00

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. Mine was pretty cool. My mom and dad took Danny and me to the mall in Corpus on Saturday and I picked out $150 worth of clothes at J. C. Penny's [four pairs of pants and five shirts] and then we ate at Joe's Crab Shack. That's when I bought Danny the DVD called The Zen of Screaming at Guitar Center. Luckily, he got the last one in stock! That was freakin' awesome. And that DVD was well worth the money, too, I'd say. Anyway... my grandma had given me $25 about a week or two in advance [which I spent on computer games... the EA Warfare Collection: including Medal of Honor Allied Assault, Medal of Honor Pacific Assault, Battlefield 1942, Battlefield 1942 The Road to Rome, and Battlefield Vietnam], and then my older bro gave me a $15 Wal-Mart gift card which I have yet to spend. And in my stocking, my mom gave me $10, a huge candy cane, and some shower and bath products. I guess I smell. And that was all.

Man, I'm addicted to Medal of Honor. I don't know what's up with me and war games but I love them. They're pretty fun. I love Tom Clancy games too... they're freakin' awesome. I have a thing for first-person shooters. Danny and I have been working on beating it ever since I bought it. It's a pretty long game... pretty hard too. It's great.

What else... what else...? Ahh, mid-terms were such a ~~bitch~~. I studied and studied, though, for almost the first time in my life, haha. Seriously, though, I never study. History was almost a breeze when I studied. I would've done it more often but I never had the textbook for that class because it's a college class and the book costs $75. I never had the money. But Shane gave me his book for next semester because he's done with that class. Thanks, Shane! He's cool. :)! But yeah, after all those headaches and all that stress, it's over and the holidays came just in time because I was about to break with all that weight on my shoulders. Don't they always, though?

I've been chilling out with Danny and whoever tags along with him the entire break so far and I need to get together with my girl friends. It sucks though, because I don't have any good girl friends, like, on a personal level. Yeah, we may know some of each other's stuff but we don't talk anymore. I miss having people to talk to and complain about boys with and relate to, haha. I guess now that I have a boyfriend I've changed and separated myself from them all. Man, I don't wanna be that kinda person. That's stupid. I'm stupid. Sorry, girls... I'm sorry I don't ever call.

Ok, I'll let you get back to your wonderful holiday. Until next time!

This Is My December

2006-12-04T21:48:00.000-06:00

Well, folks, my busy schedule isn't so busy anymore, though I still don't believe I'll have enough time to update as much as I would really like to. These things just kind of slow down and die out. Hopefully it won't die out, but it sure has slowed down. I'm trying to keep y'all up to date with me and things going on... but it's hard just to keep up with it myself, you know, as anyone's life. I don't live just to share it with you all. It's been almost a month, yes, I know. Give me a chance to recall everything.

At district band try-outs, 13 clarinets tried out and 16 would advance to region, meaning all of us were in. I tried the best I could that day and placed 6th, which meant I had a lot to work on. I worked so hard to make those songs better over the next two weeks only to have a bad day this past Saturday and screw up really bad which would then place me 30th chair overall, though I am first chair in the region concert band. That's pretty cool... I've never led 21, yes 21, clarinets before, so I'm pretty excited. I have about two or three solos in the music, so that's cool. The clinic will be this coming weekend in Gregory Portland and the concert is Saturday night at 7:30, I believe. [Hotel time!] I wanted so bad to advance to Area for a closer step to State, but like I said, all my practice pretty much went to a waste for me because my performance wasn't close at all to my practices. How sucky, but I still have one more year... only one more chance that I can't blow. On the other hand, this year was Danny's last year and I feel so bad for him because I want him to have everything he wants and deserves. He didn't advance to Area either. Little mistakes can cost you so much, I swear. It hurts... it's painful when you know you've missed your goals. "So many dreams were crushed in that room." Oh, yes, they were.

Christmas is coming up and the main thing on my wishlist is a new digital camera... Fujifilm Finepix, 6.3 or 7.3 Megapixels, and a 1GB xD Picture Card. I'm hoping my parents come up with it... that'd be so great. I don't ever really ask for Christmas presents from my friends. I can never get them anything so I feel bad when they get me stuff. I try, though, to make something count.

I've checked out the Xbox 360, the Wii, and the Playstation 3. Man, they are freakin' awesome. Danny and I are gonna go halves on the Wii in about two or three months [I've actually been saving money thanks to him, my personal bank account]. I really can't wait because yeah, I've been getting into video games quite a bunch lately. I wish I had more than a broken Playstation of my own and I'm sure Danny would prefer more than a broken Gamecube, ha. This should fix us right up, ha. And while he's away in college next year I get to keep the console so when he visits we know exactly what we could do. Neato. It's such an exciting idea.

Chili's is in the process of being built right near our new Super Wal-Mart right now. Hopefully it'll be done by around May. They are a ~~damn~~ good restaurant, I'll tell you that. Their food is fantastic. I've never tasted better spicy buffalo wings. Mm! Beeville is getting huge. Five new houses are being built in my neighborhood, actually. That's ~~fucking~~ crazy, man. I don't believe it. And every single time I go to the new Wal-Mart, I feel like I'm in Corpus or some similar place. It's all so different... and humongous. Ahh, I love it. I hope something cool and convenient is built near the Rio 6 Cinema soon. I could walk! Who knows?

I haven't been taking pictures so that's why you never see any anymore. That's pretty sad. Well, I'm not satisfied at all with my camera anyway... and plus, I'm always too busy to even think of "Kodak moments" anymore. I don't even bring my camera with me to school anymore. And I have pictures on that thing from MONTHS ago that I have yet to upload to my computer. I don't know what's going on with me. I don't do any of the things I used to do constantly. Well, being a junior in high school is hard to do, especially with Calculus AP, Spanish 3 AP, and History Dual... well, if only I studied, then that would be a legitimate excuse. I don't, and so that's why my grades are lower than ever this year. Oh, my, they better raise up. There's a scholarship to be handed out next semester for $30,000. Man, how much would that cover?! That's a lot of money. I don't think I have much of a chance when I'm competing against people who are in things like Academic Decathlon, Key Club, Art Club, and all that type of stuff. I'm just a band and choir loser. I don't know, I guess we'll see.

Danny and I have been going strong for a little over two months and a week. I am so happy with him, he is my everything and I love him so much. Everything's finally good for me and my complaints have shrunk down to little pieces of daily meaningless hassles, which is the way I think I should be going about life right now as a 16-year-old girl. I think, after childhood, these are some of the best days of my life and I'm definitely taking advantage of them as much as I can. I have waited so long for and imagined so much about these blissful days I can now say exist for me. Thanks to Danny for making me the spoiled, ~~bitchy~~, but happy girl I am today... and those friends of mine who support me and who still love me, though at times I know it may seem like I don't want to have nothing to do with them anymore. I may not call. I may not say hello. But now I'm honestly starting to change, guys. I love all of you who have been there for me and I want to be there for you. I don't want to let having a boyfriend get in the way of that. I'm sorry if it has. I'll try not to let it anymore. Remember, you can always give me a call and invite me out... and though I may invite Danny, I'm really ecstatic to be able to see and hang with you guys. <3. I mean, come on, you didn't put up with all my nonsense caca just to see my back. I'm not trying to ignore or avoid you.

Well, I need to get some sleep and stuffs. I hope I can be here again soon to update. By the way, on November 16th... I should've said "Happy Second Year Anniversary To My Blog", but I didn't remember. That makes me feel bad... I missed an anniversary. But believe me, it was in mind for a while. Alrighty: Until next time!

I'm The Only Gay Eskimo

2006-11-14T23:21:00.000-06:00

Why do I insist on putting such long periods of time in between my blogs? It sucks because I remember the days I used to update with long paragraphs that could run on forever... consistently. I really wish I had time to do that these days. District and region choir try-outs, and now district band try-outs have been taking up all my time. You already know I made 13th at district, but you don't know that I made 9th at region two Saturdays ago. I sure did. But I didn't attend the clinic this past weekend, but I had a legitimate reason. Once I looked at the schedule I decided that I'd much rather stay home and practice for district band, which is what I prefer to advance in anyway. Band is my thing, and you can't penalize me for that. Maybe I didn't get my patch, but oh well. I know that I made it and that's the only thing I need (though recognition is always sweet).

This year I plan on trying to at least make it to State try-outs for band. Do you know how awesome of a feeling that would be? I've never been past region, though I did have the chance to try out for area as a freshman. I was so stupid then. I didn't even go to the region clinic all because I felt like I would've had nobody to talk to or hang out with. Why in the world did I give up that chance, that experience? I regret it now, in a way, but I won't let it defeat me. I'm gonna take all the chances I can get this year and next year and I hope I don't let myself down. I really think I have the chance to make it. But I think I'm overworking myself. I'm practicing so much that things sound worse instead of better. I hope this little phase wears off within the next four days because I want to sound bad-~~ass~~ at try-outs. I will. I'm aiming for numero uno. I can get there.

Halloween was completely ruined. All my plans were forced to go under. Danny and I volunteered (kinda had to) to play at our Lady Trojans' first volleyball play-off game because our principal asked we go and support the team. Well, you obviously can't play much at a volleyball game, so we tried to fit things in one minute time-outs and three minute turn-arounds. It really sucked and we were there for about three hours just to waste our time, pretty much. Sorry to say, but never again, especially on Halloween. So yeah, it ended at 9 and, oddly, everyone ran out of candy by then so I really couldn't go trick-or-treating with Danny like wanted to. Too bad, so sad. Maybe next year.

Danny and I went to our "first" movie together. We've seen plenty together, but we never actually went to the theater. And how sweet that the movie was Saw III. Man, I ~~fucking~~ loved it: the gore and the guts. At some points I cringed, but hey, that's the point. I really love the Saw movies. I'm not too sure, but I think it finally ended on the third one. I think a fourth one would be pushing it, though. Who cares? They're great movies. I also saw Stay Alive, but I thought it was pretty stupid. In case you can't recall it, it's about this young group of people who play a video game and end up dying in the same way that they did in the game. The game becomes reality, pretty much. I thought it was pretty stupid and the ending really sucked. A lot of people have been arguing with me on that, but whatever floats your boat, I guess.

The Trojans' first play-off game is this Friday against San Antonio McCollum. We kicked their ~~asses~~ the last time we played them this season so hopefully history will repeat itself. But after this game, if we win, we play against Calallen. I'm not sure if we have a chance against them. I really hope we do because this season can't end yet, no way. Plus, I haven't gotten one of those plastic footballs yet that the cheerleaders throw in the stands. I wanted to have one for every year, but I don't know, I don't see them throwing them to the band anymore. How sucky. Oo, Danny should be getting his Letterman jacket this Friday, too. Just thought I'd mention that.

Next week is Thanksgiving Break. The downside is that we only have Wednesday-Friday off... but that's okay. A five-day weekend is still pretty awesome. I'll be in Houston for one of those days, I believe. Well, I'm going to go because I really need some rest. It's already later than I wanted it to be. Until next time!

Lithium

2006-10-29T20:11:00.000-06:00

Life is good with only a few rough edges I have yet to smooth out. School is mighty hectic, though, I gotta say, and practicing for region choir and district band isn't quite intense enough. I'll learn the hard way since both try-outs are extremely near. They're creeping up on me.

Band contest is over now... it's been over since last Saturday. Thank goodness that we all accomplished what we hoped to, but I really don't feel like we did our greatest. We made a 1 nonetheless, meaning we have now been a first division band for the seventh year in a row. Yay us! Now I'm gonna get fat because practices aren't gonna be so intense and sweaty, ha. I need to find myself another physical activity or it really will be that way. I've been eating too much caca, which isn't good either.

Last night Stacy had a Halloween costume party at her house. Danny and I didn't dress up and showed up anyway. I had a really fun time with everyone: Stacy, Matt, Simeon, Parker, Megan (D), Kristin, Brian (L), and Danny. Kristin and I took some funky pictures with her new, freakin' awesome camera that I hate her for. *Ahem.* Haha. Nah, her camera is great. Last week she took a bunch of pictures of Danny and me... some cute, some not so cute. :P! Anyway, yeah, then we watched Halloween [I don't know which one] and made fun of it the entire time. It was great. Corny movies = tons of laughs!

This is all for now. I'm sorry I couldn't add more. Time won't allow. Until next time!

One Day I'm Gonna Forget Your Name

2006-10-03T23:11:00.000-05:00

You all wonder why I don't keep up anymore. Well, I've got so much to do besides worry about letting people know about those hectic things I need to take care of. But I've got the time right now so I must use it to update this mucho popular blog of mine. Enjoy while it's fresh.

School hasn't been so bad. I just hate being tired throughout the week and then not being able to catch up on my sleep during the weekend because those days are full of stuff too. I think my grades this six weeks are decent but sooo not good enough for what I wanted to accomplish. But you know what, that's okay. I'm trying really hard and that's what I get. The Trojans have been kicking major ~~ass~~ at every football game. I hope they keep up this winning streak because it's pretty nice.

The big news everyone's been waiting to hear finally exists. Danny asked me out Sunday, September 24 and I ecstatically accepted. So, as of today, we've been officially together for a week and two days. Don't question why it took so long... don't question anything about the past couple of months. I'm not now. But, oh gah, I am in love with this man.

- [Danny 'N Melissa] -

Danny's birthday was this past Wednesday and I tried my best to make it a special one. I made a card for everyone to sign and asked people to contribute some spare change to give him, which came out to be over $10. :)! And then he came over that night where I had a surprise cake that I had made the night before and that morning with candles and everything. Parker came over to help me present it to him. Aww, it was special. :P! On Saturday my mom and I added more to his birthday gift by taking him to Corpus and buying him an Avenged Sevenfold t-shirt from Hot Topic [though I was going to buy him a certain Trivium shirt that they didn't have when we went... but the shirt I got him is really awesome anyway] and taking him out to eat at Chili's. We had a great time. I love making him happy. I owe him that much anyway.

That same night, Brian called me up and wanted to chill... so he, Danny, and I went walking to Circle K and then Poesta Creek where we sat on the swings for a while and had a good time with conversation and funnies. It was great. I don't hang with many people outside of school besides Danny and a little of Parker. Every once in a while I'll run into or see someone else but I mean, it's nothing more than that. I'm not tired of it... I just wish I had more time to hang with more of my friends. I miss them. [I miss you guys.]

This past Saturday was district choir try-outs. I'm very shocked and extremely excited to say that I made 13th chair out of 20 spots. I sing Alto 2, by the way. But yeah, that's freakin' awesome! Danny made it too... so did a lot of others. And Albert... with that sexy voice... made 1st chair in his voice part. We all did pretty well. :)! Region choir try-outs are November 4. Practice, practice, practice.

Alright, I'll update another time so that BRIAN will stop complaining, haha. I love you all. Until next time!

Infinite, Mighty, And Merciful God

2006-09-12T20:51:00.000-05:00

Tough classes. Busy weekdays. Tiring band practices. Crazy weekends. Dealing with retarded people. District try-out rehearsals. That's what my schedule looks like and will probably be like until December just to start up again in January and end just before the summer. I have barely any time to even get online for leisure. It kind of sucks, but then again I'm not wasting my days away doing nothing. I've actually got stuff to work for and I plan on progressing within those fields.

September 1 was A. C. Jones' first football game and we kicked some Panther ~~ass~~. It seemed shorter than usual, but it was so much fun. I must thank the new woodwind players for that as well because each one of them stood up and danced during the cadences and participated in just about everything. It was great. Some of us went to The Pantry to hang out and eat because that's what us losers do after football games. That Saturday, Danny came along with my mom and I to go shopping in San Antonio. First we went to the Air Force base... I forgot what it's called. Then we went to Ross. The Ross over there is awesome, and I bought a few garments of clothing there and then we ate at Taco Bell. That was a fun day. The rest of the weekend I just continued to spend time with Danny and it was pretty awesome. And there was no school that Monday, so it was even better. Our second game was this past Thursday in Laredo. Since we had such a long busride, we took charter buses to the game for once. It was pretty exciting and a hell of a lot of fun. The Trojans kicked ~~ass~~ once again. In between all that junk, I've been studying and doing homework and practicing for district for both band and choir. I'm getting good, but it's hectic.

Knowlton has cancelled sectionals on me twice already and I'm not happy whatsoever. And I'm not going to be allowed to have sectionals until everyone in band in passing their classes. That's going to be, like, never. That's a pretty gay rule. I've been meaning to make some discipline rules and discuss them with my section but I don't have the chance. GAH. Yes, I care a lot about band and my section and how we look and sound at marching contest. I really do love it and enjoy it and I want to perfect whatever is in my power to perfect. I can't do that though when I can't stand in my position. *Frustration.*

My schedule for about the next two months: SEP 13. Progress reports. SEP 15. Football game, New Braunfels. SEP 16. Diez y Seis Parade. Shop in Corpus. SEP 22. Football game, in Sinton. SEP 24. Church concert [for Stacy]. SEP 26. District choir rehearsal. SEP 27. Danny's birthday. SEP 29. Football game, in McCollum. SEP 30. District choir try-outs. OCT 5. Mom's birthday. OCT 6. Report cards. OCT 7, 8. Community service. OCT 13. Football game, Corpus Christi Miller. OCT 14. Edna Marching Festival. OCT 15. Little brother's birthday. OCT 18. Progress reports. OCT 20. Football game, Gregory-Portland. OCT 21. Chamber Of Commerce Parade. Marching contest. OCT 25. Sarah's birthday. OCT 27. Football game, in Rockport. OCT 30. Megan's birthday.

Wow, that surely is a lot of stuff. Well I'm gonna go prepare for something or other. Until next time!

You're The Reason I Feel So Alive

2006-08-24T21:55:00.000-05:00

At this point, I don't know where my destination really is. I'm winging everything... portions of my social life are missing, I'm very unsure about what I would like to do with my life [though I'm sixteen, I should've found a passion by now], I don't know if I can handle all the stuff that's gonna be thrown at me this school year [which started today], region band and choir practice is gonna have to be placed in my busy schedule somehow, and conversations with my parents always end up going on the fritz and turn into arguments. I don't know. I hope everything comes together someday. I'm tired of living in such an unorganized manner.

School was pretty fun today but I know that it's gonna be such a ~~bitch~~ for the rest of the year, seeing as how I have four really tough classes on my schedule. Everything else will be a sinch, but those alone will probably kill me. But even if I make a B or something, my ranking will remain way up there. But I'm not going to settle for that. Nope, not this year... definitely. I'm working my way up to the top, harder than ever before. I swear it. And if any of you see me drifting away from that little ideal of mine, I would think as my friends you would push me back into it. Can I expect that from y'all? I hope so. I would do it for the majority of you. <3!

That song Parker and I were writing a while back ago went practically nowhere since the last time I mentioned it. I'm so bad with keeping up with things like this... I need to improve on that. Well, anyway, I took the project and it is now one Danny and I shall work on and hopefully one day complete and perform. That's another thing to fit into my hands next to all the other things I'm trying to aim for. But this one should be fun, no doubt.

I got a new cell phone! I don't really need anyone's number because I had them all saved and just copied them to it and junk. Ahh, it's a really awesome phone... camera and video camera with awesome effects, sound recorder, voice dialing, music DJ for making ringtones... and all that good stuff. I love it and I haven't stopped playing with it since the day I got it. That day was, I think, Tuesday. I'm really excited about it, haha, I'm obsessed!!

Does anyone have a flute laying around that they don't play that they are willing to borrow or maybe sell? Does anyone know somebody who does? Please, please, please let me know and I'll discuss it with you on private terms. If you do, give me a call or an e-mail or a comment. I really need one ASAP.

Okay, well, that's all for this entry. Sorry that they haven't been too great or adventure-packed lately. I'm starting to get a little lazy with this type of thing. Have a good life and wish me luck with mine. I think I need it. Until next time!

It's These Substandard Motels...

2006-08-19T00:58:00.000-05:00

Call me over-dramatic. Call me a whiny ~~bitch~~. Call me spoiled in a million different ways. I am what I am and there's no way around it, whether I want to be that or not. There are questions lingering in my mind... what is love and how do you know if you love someone? Well, love is nothing but a feeling unless you've got the complete willingness and hard work that it takes behind it, right? And if that willingness and hard work is almost effortless, then I guess you can figure out who you love. I think it should be that simple... and to me, it really is. I'm in love with someone who I would never hurt, no matter what's been said or done. He's my everything: my support, my comfort, my wants, my needs. I hope to be all that for him. But honestly, after broken trust, it's hard to heal and surely will never be the same again. And all these excess feelings inside don't make it any easier for either of us. What will the next move be? Maybe it'll belong to me. Until next time!

You Make Me Completely Miserable

2006-08-15T19:38:00.000-05:00

It has definitely been a long-~~ass~~ time since I last updated and I won't dare try to go back and give you a detailed day-by-day blog right now so I can only sum it all up for you. Don't cry. I've been so busy, I have no time to update anymore!

Well, setting up for summer band to start was a drag... except the whole making posters part. The clarinet poster came out pretty awesome and I helped some others with theirs. I took the drumline poster home and worked on it with Anna, Megan, Parker, and Kristin. Playing with paint is a hell of a lot of fun, I gotta admit. Danny came home on July 30th and I had set up a surprise party for him and Megan too because they both had just come home from Mexico. The surprise was accidentally blurted out by a friend, which sucked, but hey... I tried. Parker and I made a cake that turned out pretty cool... haha. I decorated it like the Mexican flag. :P! From there everything is pretty much a blur. Meeting the freshmen bandsters wasn't so bad. I love my clarinet players because they actually PLAY. We have a good section this year. <3. Eventually the full band started meeting up and we got the drill going and today we actually finished the first song. Last Thursday was our summer band party, first at the bowling alley and then at the city pool. The bowling alley was alright. I had fun, but it wasn't a real blast. Then we waited an hour out by the park at the Boys and Girls Club. I had a lot of fun on the seesaws and swings and slide... till someone started violating me with his eyes. GRR. But all was good once we all hopped in the pool. The chicken fights were the best, I swear. Stupid Anna kept giving everyone battlescars... hahaha, jk. But yeah, I got scratched up a few times. The water ballet/synchronized swimming thing wasn't so great. I'd say the percussion group did the best job because it was cool and most original. Gah, it was great. Anyway, the region band music that I have this year isn't hard at all and I'm actually breezing through them, pretty much. Three more months to perfect it. That's plenty of time. :)! Oo, and yesterday I got paid $10 for fixing up Mrs. Herrera's webpage on the school site. And tomorrow I get paid some more for doing it again, so I'm a happy camper, haha. It's freakin' awesome.

Of course I've been hanging out with my buddies pretty much constantly... mainly Danny, of course, ever since he came home. It's definitely good to have him back. He brought me some stuff from Mexico which was the sweetest thing ever. <3. A pair of silver earrings and a silver necklace. I wasn't expecting it so they were a nice surprise, and I totally love them. Thanks, Danny. I went to the lake in Mathis with him, his parents, his neices and Parker this past Sunday. I had a really awesome time, haha. After riding in the boat and being dragged on an innertube, we got in the water and tossed my shirt around for fun. Yeah... strange. Then I had a blast watching Danny and his dad toss the girls into the water a few times till one got hurt. The fun always has to end that way. Ahh, what a great day.

Hmm, what else? Eric turned 19... aww! My friends Andrew, William, and Aaron moved to an apartment in Kingsville because they're attending college there. They had a small going-away party before they left and I went but I felt like total ~~shit~~ for some unknown reason. My head was just killing me that night. I haven't seen Anna, Kristin, or Megan as much as I usually do lately. I feel like they're drifting to other things... and I'm uninvited. Stacy's probably the only girl friend that I can really talk to these days, and even then she and I don't see much of each other. I'm sure it'll all change once school starts up again, though. But no matter what, I can survive. I just miss all my girl friends because those are the ones I can relate to, you know? But that is no put down to Danny, Parker, Brian, Eric, or any of my other guy friends. It's just... not the same.

School starts next Thursday. I'm going shopping this Saturday, most likely in Corpus. Oh, yeah, I've got my schedule: 1st - Chemistry PreAP, 2nd - Calculus AP, 3rd - Advisory, 4th - Spanish 3 AP, 5th - Band, 6th - U.S. History Dual, 7th - English 3, 8th - Treble Choir... and after school on Mondays-Thursdays - two hours of marching band practice, ha. It's gonna be a really, really, really hard year for me, I'm betting. Less social life and more homework, eh? I really need to cut down on my girlish tactics and put more time into what's truly important. And I will. I hope.

Band is very exhausting... but hey, I love it. Well, I'm gonna get going and maybe get something more important done, heh. Until next time!

And Are You Thinking Of Me When You Fuck Her?

2006-07-27T01:38:00.000-05:00

MON, JUL 24: That night, Kristin and I decided on going biking all at last minute and everything... around 9 or so. It was pretty fun. I really regretted leaving my camera at home, though *sigh*. We went all the way down Archer to the high school and played around over there on our bikes. We went all through the parking lot and stuff for quite a while and then around by the ROTC building. Kristin was playing with a frog over there when Danny called me and we talked for a few minutes. :)! I don't like to neglect my friends for guys, and I'm sorry when I do, but I mean, Danny's in Mexico and I haven't seen him in forever and very rarely do I talk to him on the phone. A little while later, Kristin found a big stick... it was taller than me! We rode all the way to Klipstein Park from there with that stick, haha. It was so funny! We got a little lost and went in a big circle until we finally found the park, haha. We're such losers. Brian was supposed to meet us there later. Kristin and I sat and swung on the swings for a bit when we saw a white truck speed by. I was like, "Hey, was that Kyle?" A had a hunch that it was, and then he parked right on the other side of the park and Kristin yelled out , "KYLE!" not really knowing it was him for sure and he yelled back, "WHAT?!" Haha, and what do you know? So we rode on over towards him and the other Kyle and said hey. Eventually Matt P, Spencer, and David all drove up. David and Spencer rode our bikes around the park for a little bit, haha. What a trip! Finally Brian showed up and as soon as he did, everybody else started taking off. How coincidental. :P! They left and then Brian said he'd race Kristin and me to my house. That so was not fair. I was so dead tired when we finally got to my house. It was fun, though, I have to admit. We chilled at my house for a while but had made plans to all spend the night at Brian's. Danny called me again because he said he would and we talked for maybe an hour, I think. After all that, the three of us finally drove off to Brian's... all sweaty and smelly and whatnot. We sat around in the living room for a while and finally went in the backroom where Brian showed me some more stuff on guitar, like always, and he and Kristin played pool on his slanted pool table, haha. We got bored and wanted to go for a walk so we did. We walked around his block about three times, each of us acting like pimps, haha. We walked arm in arm or hand in hand the whole time, haha. It was fun. We came back and watched Thirteen Ghosts and eventually went to sleep. First it was all three of us piled on one couch but Brian got too hot or something and moved to the other couch. Yep, that was the night/morning. Haha.
TUE, JUL 25: Kristin and I woke up about the same time, around 3 in the afternoon. I ate a burrito for breakfast and while Brian took a shower, his sister Veronica made Kristin and me some Kool-aid. Then we watched Jawbreaker, which I haven't seen in FOREVER. Ha, it's a funny movie. Then around 5, Brian dropped us girls off home so I showered and shaved and junk and then went to HEB with my mom and cousins and bought myself some drinks and a pack of gum. I don't think I did anything else for the rest of the night... besides watch Final Destination 3 right before bed. Ugh, and it took me soo long till I finally fell asleep.
WED, JUL 26: The countdown to summer band finally ended here. After a crappy night's sleep [because I tried sleeping early after waking up in the late afternoon] I woke up at 7:30 and got ready for a long day. The rest of my family did as well, but that's because they went to Sea World and I didn't get to go because of band, but it's cool because I had a really bad-~~ass~~ time. I sorted music, copied music and sorted some more music. Ahh, it was crazy. I've never seen that much music in my whole life, haha. Anna and I were the only ones working for a long time. It was pretty sucky. Our lunch break came and Parker took me, Shane, and Bettie over to El Zarape for breakfast tacos. Mm... cheap and delicious. I had a good time on the drive... singing and screaming like always. I came back but I was really thirsty so I went to Sonic, followed by Shane, Xavier, and Garrett... I think that was it. When we got back to the bandhall, the work continued. This time a lot more people helped Anna and me out and we got more things done. Ahh, it may have been hectic and tiring, but I had a lot of fun doing it. I'm glad band started up again. I just hate going to sleep and waking up early. Wah! Around 4, Aaron came by because we had plans to hang out and stuff. When the drummers got done I kinda chilled with him and Parker and Eric. Oo, it started pouring rain outside out of nowhere. I took advantage of it and started playing in it and jumping in puddles. The school parking lot flooded FAST. I was sooo soaked, it was awesome. Parker and Aaron joined me, too. After a while we made plans to go out to eat later on, so we went home and cleaned up and met up at Subway around 6 or 7. Thanks, Aaron, for buying me food. :P! After we ate we all took off home again. I attempted calling up all my freshmen to tell them about practice Monday, though I only got ahold of two out of seven. That sucked, but hopefully I can catch them before we do have practice. Oo!! And then someone from H.E.B. called me and asked me what time I would be available and said I would be notified in the next 3-5 days if there would be a position open for me to fit my schedule and stuff. I told them on weekdays I'm busy from 8 a.m. - 4 p.m. because of band. Eek, I wonder what that'll get me. Then, around 9ish, Parker and Aaron were to hang with me once again so they came over and we watched some of Mind Of Mencia and later on William called and joined us. Then we all played around with the special features on Final Destination 3 and everyone left in the middle of all that. My mom FINALLY came home from Sea World around midnight and for some reason I am still up... and exhausted.

We have a lot more work to do today for band. I know we'll finish up the sorting and copying music stuff. At least I'm having fun, you know? I wonder if I'll get that job at H.E.B. Hmm, it'd be nice to make some money but I doubt I'll have ANY free time for my social life. Well, band would be nice for that anyway, you know? It's all hard work... it's a lot of fun. Alright, it's time I get some sleep already. Until next time!

Raindrops On Roses

2006-07-24T13:37:00.000-05:00

THU, JUL 20: Kristin, Anna, and I were bored out of our minds again so they came over and we went biking around 7. We went all over the place. We ran into Parker over by Total Graphics and took a sip of his pineapple smoothie thingy from Sonic. Eventually we rode all behind the stores that are part of our so-called "shopping center". We found this bird [what type is unknown] that obviously couldn't fly so Kristin picked it up and we played with it for a while. We decided we wanted to keep it, so Kristin put it in her shirt so that it wouldn't fall out and rode around like that for the rest of the night, haha. We then rode to Stacy's, where we met up with her, Matt, Parker and Brian. We stayed there for about 10 minutes or so and then went on our way back to my house because we were extremely tired. Not very far from Stacy's house, Kristin's pedal flew off so we had stop and attempt to put it back on. It was frustrating and we couldn't do it so we just walked the bikes all the way back to my house. That really sucked. We made it home around 10 p.m. and then played with the bird [named Melvin] for a while and took some retarded pics. Anna and Kristin left and took him with them. I took a shower and then Parker picked me up so I could go to Stacy's and help record for a while. That was pretty fun. Parker and I worked on our song for a little while and Mr. Stevenson gave us a little criticism on it, and it was all good. I went home around 2 or 3.FRI, JUL 21: I stood home for most of the day. I was supposed to go biking again but nothing happened with those plans, so I went to Stacy's to help out again and practice. Parker and Brian were there and Xavier and Nathaniel joined us not too long after I got there. We played my song over and over so that those two could solo and stuff. It was fun. Stacy and I declared ourselves songwriting partners and went outside by the pool to brainstorm about what kind of lyrics and style we should go for, but it was so hard to come up with any words. Danny called Parker's cell phone and I got a bit excited. Finally Parker gave the phone to me. It was strange hearing his voice after almost three weeks of being without it... especially after being used to hearing it every single day before then. I was so happy he called, though. That ~~damn~~ ~~bitch~~ beat me!! [inside thing] ARGH!SAT, JUL 22:I did practically nothing all day but dance and work-out, hang out with my family a little bit, and sing, of course. That night starting around 10:30, Danny called me about five times and left me four voicemails, but I had my phone in my pocket and not once did it ring. It was surprising when I got four voicemails all at once and I was pissed off when I found out it was Danny and that my phone didn't ring for his call X-(. But all was better when he called and woke me up around 6 a.m. to tell me that his dumb-~~ass~~ woke up and was ready way earlier than he was supposed to be because his clock was set ahead, haha. <3 How adorable. But yeah, I got to talk to him for a while because of that, so that's cool. Hearing his voice makes me feel right at home... though I was. But you get the picture.
SUN, JUL 23: My family decided to have a small barbeque, so while my mom and cousin Chrissy went to H.E.B. to buy some food, my dad and cousin Richard and I went to Wal-Mart so I could buy some wife-beaters and shorts for band [which will be starting Wednesday for officers and drill instructors]. I came home with two each, which will be alright for now. Afterwards, I was going to go to Stacy's so I can help record and practice that song Parker and I are working on but Aaron called and invited me to the movies with him and William. Since my mom had a little extra money, I got to go. We saw Monster House... it was a great movie, haha ["Ha, stash..."]. It was only 10:30 when the movie finished so we wanted to go somewhere else. First we went to Klipstein Park and sat on the swings for a while. That's when William discovered that from that area you could mooch off of someone's internet with those little game systems. Heh, that's the spot. :P! Anyway, from there, we came to my house and they chilled here until 11:45. It was cool chilling with them. Then I went to the living room and looked at all the pictures and photo albums my cousin brought with her here. Later on, I just sat back and chatted it up with my mom and Chrissy. Some heated debates happened there. I finally went to sleep around 4 a.m.
Well, the countdowns continue. Two days until summer band, six days until Danny comes home, and 31 days until school starts up. I'm pretty excited and as each day passes it's even better. Well, I can wait until school starts. But band and Danny... why, those keep my world spinning. :P! And I can't wait until they come.

Man, I wanted a job so bad at the beginning of this month but eventually I just gave it up. Why the heck did I do that? I want to get out there and make myself some money... so I think I'm really gonna try and get one once August starts [mainly so that I can schedule some hours that fit around my band schedule, which I won't be definitely sure of until it starts because when it comes to band... I like to do overtime, haha] and then hold on to it while I'm in school, if possible. It's ridiculous how I never have any money on me because I should be earning it myself. There are so many things I want and I'm definitely not getting any closer by living like this... sitting in front of my computer typing away for the entertainment of myself and some friends. Entertainment doesn't get anyone anywhere. Cheese and rice!! I need to get out of here and make some money soon. I won't be worth anything if I don't. I'm crossing my fingers... you should the same... if you love me. :)! Let's hope I can get a job in August. I'll let you go. I'll update soon. Until next time!

What You Gonna Do When She Wants You Back?

2006-07-19T23:15:00.000-05:00

I had some good fun yesterday. Anna and Kristin came over and we decided to go biking for a little while. Kristin's mom would also be picking us up some pizza and dropping it off at my house. We went to H.E.B. and got a few $.25 sodas and rode around the area. Passing by some apartments, some guy saw us and was trying to get our attention and he threw something that hit my bike and spun off one of the wheels. Oh, gosh, I was so freaked out. That's some scary ~~shit~~. We rode up to my house at the exact same time Kristin's mom did and we got the pizza and had ourselves a meal. :P! After a while I decided we should watch all the home videos I had so I can label them and stuff. The girls ended up spending the night. We were inspired by our old videos to make some new dance ones and so we did, haha. They weren't quite as interesting, though, but it was still fun.

I finally went to sleep around 4 or 5 a.m. and woke up around 12 in the afternoon. The girls left not too long after that. That's when I had to prepare for my visiting cousins who are to stay with us for about ten days. Ahh, it's already too hectic for me because they have two little girls [one is 6 and one is 9] and they're pretty wild. Wish me luck with that. I'm not good at being nice and patient for long periods of time, heh.

Seven days until summer band. Ten days until my cousins leave. Eleven days until Danny comes home. Thirty-six days until school starts. So many countdowns... so many days. Heh. It's so hard to wait. Until next time!

These Days Have Gone So Fast

2006-07-18T00:39:00.000-05:00

I had a really bad-~~ass~~ day yesterday! Right after I posted that last entry, William and I were talking and he invited me to go out to eat with him, Aaron, and Andrew. We went to Pizza Hut and I had some good fun. I'm glad because I rarely ever hang out with these guys. After eating the extremely greasy pizza, we went to William and Aaron's house. I played a little guitar, sang some stuff, had some cool conversation with Aaron, got to borrow season one of Mind Of Mencia, and watched William and Andrew play some DDR. Later on Aaron and I ventured off to Stacy's house. We had to walk because his car went retarded on him [aww...]. I talked to Stacy for a little while and then headed into the studio where Mr. Stevenson and Parker were working on some stuff. I helped with the recording. Matt and Simeon came by for a while. That's around the time Aaron left and Parker and Stevenson were done recording. So I was showing Parker the little chord progression I came up with the night before and he wrote some lyrics to fit into it. After taking forever to break out of my shyness shell, I finally was able to sing the vocal melody I had made up... almost shamelessly. Man, it was a great feeling to do all that and have someone else loving it all at the same time. I've never shared those types of ideas with anyone. It just took a little time and opening up to get it out. I'm so happy I got past that. So Parker and I came up with two decent verses. I just need to spice up the keyboard part and make up a chorus and maybe a bridge and we have an awesome song. I wonder what I'm gonna end up doing with it.

It's becoming so much more easier for me to share with people the things I've been containing inside of me for a long time. It took me years to release it all, but I feel so relieved now that I've done it. I sang in front of a huge audience, twice in the same week. Now I'm allowing myself to come up with songs without being afraid to speak out my opinion on how I want them to sound or how I want them to be. And my voice improves every day along the way. It's fulfilling to be doing these things I've set out to do since I was a little girl. I just wonder how far this will take me... these small steps that I'm taking now could lead me somewhere great. I just wonder.

Well, it's been a really long day and right now I'm sort of emo because I'm missing someone a WHOLE lot and I wish he was here so I could show him what I've accomplished. Though I'd be waaay shy in front of him [because he just makes me nervous like that], it'd be something else I could try to succeed with, ha. Aww, Danny, I wish you were here! I hope you miss me just the same. *hugs* Until next time!

Why Do You Look Right Through Me?

2006-07-17T15:46:00.000-05:00

FRI, JUL 14: I went to Parker's at 10 a.m. for a drum lesson and then Gerald joined us about two hours later so that they could practice. I had a lot of fun with them. After practicing what sounded awesome, we were telling dirty jokes and started talking about lapdances. "That's special." Hahaha. Gerald left and then Parker took me home. I went to the movies later at 6:15 to see Click with Stacy, Anna, and Parker. That was a really good movie... funny with its more serious moments. I love Adam Sandler, ha. Afterwards we went around and picked up our bathing suits and then made a stop at Eric's house. He and Josephine were just chilling there so we came up and just started talking, mostly about the mosquitoes that were flying around our faces. Ha, but we had a good time. After we left them, we headed to Stacy's and jumped in the pool and hot tub. It was great. :P! Eric and Josephine stopped by to chill for a bit, then I went into the bunkhouse where Mr. Stevenson and Brian were recording a piece of a song. Anna left around that time. Then Eric, Josephine, Parker, Stacy, and me hopped into Eric's truck and we grabbed some food at McDonald's and then ate it back at Stacy's. It was all fun.
SAT, JUL 15: Anna and I felt like doing something so she came over and so I invited Joseph along since I haven't seen him in a while. He brought me a controller for my PlayStation so that was cool. We sat around, played some video games, and just chilled. They both left before 11, which was pretty sucky because my parents bought some food for us, but that meant more for me [Eek, like I need to be any fatter].
SUN, JUL 16: I invited Anna and Kristin over for a sleepover this night. I knew I would have fun, but I had a real bad-~~ass~~ time. We just had tons of laughs and then I attempted to write a song with Kristin and it wasn't very successful. So then we had Brian join us in the middle of the night to make some music. I found it hard to do anything at all so it got pretty sucky. And Kristin and Anna were watching huge pimples get popped on my computer on YouTube.com. That was soooo gross, omg! I almost puked. Brian eventually went home and the rest of us continued our antics until around 6 a.m. when we went to sleep. That's the latest I've stayed up in a while. I don't miss it though... I like waking up early.

Hopefully I'll be going out or having some kind of fun tonight. I was supposed to go pick up region music for choir from Albert today but I woke up too late. :(! That sucks, but hopefully I can go get it soon. Apparently no one wants a music theory class at our school because no one's bothered to sign the petition. That sucks, it'd be really cool to have something like that available. Oh well. We won't win anyway... we're just mindless teenagers who deserve nothing more than to be ignored, eh? That's life. Well I'm going to go and take a shower and get ready for my day. Until next time!

I Don't Wanna Be A Murderer

2006-07-13T23:37:00.000-05:00

SAT, JUL 8: I believe I got my first drumset lesson on this day. Parker spent an hour teaching me a few things. It was a lot of fun, but man... I suck. :P! But I think it's worth the effort. I mean, I've learned something new, you know? Afterwards he was hungry so he took me to the New China and ate a bit. It was cool because he paid for me... thanks, Parker! He dropped me off home after that and the rest of the day wasn't much to me.
SUN, JUL 9: I had the urge to write a song with Brian or something but it has still been held off. Sarah got a MySpace so I added her and we had a conversation through comments like losers. :P! It was a very relaxed day for me.
MON, JUL 10: Anna and I were making plans to go to the pool when Isaac called and invited us to take a trip with him to Corpus because he was bored. We invited Kristin along and took off. We had a ton of fun, if you don't count the fact that I had STARTED on the same day and the cramps were killers. We went to PetSmart because I wanted to look at snakes and maybe hold one for the first time ever, but it was a disappointment when I found that they only had one and it was pretty ugly... and it was sleeping. I didn't bother with it. Aww, and the puppies and kitties all looked so sad. I hated it! And hamsters are just so darn adorable. We then stopped by Wendy's to eat. I wasn't very hungry so I pretty much wasted $4. I gave the half of my burger that I didn't eat to Isaac. I had goosebumps because I was cold and since I have hairy arms it looks funny. Every hair stands up. Anna was laughing her ~~ass~~ off when I showed it to her. Oh, gosh, it was great, haha. Afterwards, we went to the mall. The only place we had any real fun in was the arcade because none of us had money to spend and it was depressing when we went anywhere else. Man, it sucked. But yeah, in the arcade someone rigged this one game. You put in a quarter and it dispenses some tickets... and if your quarter makes other quarters that are in there drop to the bottom then you get TONS of tickets. Whoever rigged it was pretty smart. It enabled us to put in nickels, dimes, and even PENNIES. We played games and then did that for a while and we all put our tickets together and had 1404 tickets total. We each got a stuffed Stewie and a watergun. Afterwards, Anna decided to empty out her purse which was full of pennies into that one game and from that and some of the rest of our change, we got 562 tickets. It was crazy!! So we got candy and nerd glasses and junk. It was fun. :P! We went to Portland so Isaac could get some gas, then we went to the Bayfront. We found a bunch of things to amuse ourselves with there... it was awesome. Kristin and Anna took off their shoes and socks to play in the pee-pee water [haha] and later on I joined them. It was fun! Then Kristin and I started making a sand-woman, haha. Anna and Isaac then started making a sand-man. It was hilarious, but the pictures didn't turn out so great. It was an awesome night. Quite a few times I had the hiccups and they were making me laugh so hard in between... it was horrible and neverending, I swear it. And on the way home we found an awesome radio station. It played a bunch of stuff us girls knew and we were singing the night away. :P! It ended for me with the song Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion. Kristin was doing it all bad-~~ass~~, haha. It was funny. I got home around midnight, took a shower, and hit the bed.
TUE, JUL 11: Though I had a lot of fun the night before, I had gotten a headache somewhere along the line. I kept waking up in the middle of the night feeling cold as ice but sweating profusely at the same time and my head was HOT. I think I had a fever, and for the entire day I was bedridden because of how crappy I was feeling. But I did get an IM from Danny and I had been wanting so bad to hear from him so I'm so glad I did. I miss him so much!! <3
WED, JUL 12: I spent the day at home again, but much more productively than the day before. I chatted with Danny sometime in the afternoon again for about an hour. I wish we had more time to chat. I played some guitar and keyboard and came up with some cool little melodies and stuff. I think I understand a lot when it comes to music now, but I should push myself to get more progress if I want to go anywhere with it. I'm still very unsure of where my passions lay. Hopefully I can figure it out within this next year or I'm just not gonna get anywhere in life, eh? I just think too much... gahh. Then my little brother's friend Ryan came over to spend the night and I had to put up with them being in the next room. Ahh, little boys are mighty annoying.

Today we had a barbeque. Some family came to the house and we had a little get-together. It was alright, nothing too great. I watched some old home videos of me as a little girl. Apparently I went to Hollywood and saw a few celebrity houses. Man, I wish I could go back and see it now. It looked like fun. I was in front of Prince's house... his pink house, haha. My uncle stole a flower from one of the plants in front of it. That loser. :P! Funny stuff, yes.

Man, I've had a rough couple of weeks. I fight so much with my parents and my little brother and it gets me absolutely nowhere. But I get so frustrated because no one wants to listen to me and they all think they're right and that something is wrong with me. I don't understand it. Why do they favor each other's views and not have the time to see mine? It's like they are all against me, I swear. I'm not being a rebellious teenager... I know what I'm talking about. It really sucks. I would like for someone in my family to genuinely listen to me and understand me for once. I guess that just can't happen. And I bet if this is seen by any of them, this small piece of this entry will be the only thing noticed and they'll all go on a rampage.

I really need a job. I want to have money in my pocket when I go to the mall and not have to be upset for not being able to buy myself or even my friends something. It depresses me. I went to Subway today but apparently it was the wrong time because the whole place was busy with customers and even the manager was up and running around everywhere. It sucked. I think I should try for H.E.B. because I may have a much better chance there than anywhere. Plus, I'll get paid more and I get to choose hours. What do you people think? Well, if you comment, I'll appreciate it. But I doubt you will. I'll leave you with that. Until next time!

I Might As Well Take A Gun And Put It To His Head

2006-07-08T13:42:00.000-05:00

WED, JUL 5: Last time I blogged I told you Kristin and Brian were over and we were watching The Ringer. Ahh, it wasn't that bad of a movie... I liked it. Brian left after the movie was over and Kristin spent the night. When we woke up in the afternoon we watched a few episodes of Next on MTV and then she went home. For the rest of the day I either worked out, played some music, or played Runescape [which I barely started doing]. I can't say I wasted the day away.
THU, JUL 6: My mom took me to Subway, H.E.B., and the movie theater to drop off applications. We ended up eating lunch at Subway. I really hope I get a job there. Mr. Stevenson was going to take Brian and Parker to Guitar Center in Corpus so that he could buy a drumhead for his drums, so Parker invited me along, so he picked me up around 6. It turned out that there wouldn't be any room for me in Mr. Stevenson's truck so Parker bailed and we just hung out. We went to the library where I renewed my library card and checked out four books: When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?, The Complete Idiot's Guide To Music Theory, The Complete Idiot's Guide To Playing Drums, and A Player's Guide To Music And Harmony. To any retard out there who didn't get the hint, yeah, I'm learning up on music theory. Parker's gonna teach me a bit of things on drumset [which is really cool!], too. The reasons I'm doing all this is because I want to figure out if music is the direction I want to go in and because there is a music theory AP excam at the high school that I wouldn't mind taking for some college credit. After that we bought some snacks at Circle K and then came to my house to eat them. We looked at the books I checked out for a while. We ended the night around 9:30 or so because there was nothing much else to do and I was tired and wanted to play Runescape.
FRI, JUL 7: Parker wanted to give me a drumset lesson but I backed out because I felt like being a lazy blob. I wasn't really... I read up on music theory and stuff and played some guitar. My dad took me to H.E.B. and I bought that Veet Rasera stuff [which SUCKS] and some nail hardener. That night, for dinner, my mom took me, my nieces, and my cousin out for pizza at Pizza Hut. It was hectic because I was arguing with everyone, but I had a good meal. :P! Later on, on messenger, I talked to Sarah and Dustin both about their jobs... Sarah works at Subway and Dustin works at H.E.B.. I figured that my best bet really would be Subway, so I'm really hoping they hire me. Then last night I downloaded some stuff from this singer Rihanna. She has a pretty voice, but most of her songs kinda suck... except for the slow, pretty ones. So those are the ones I downloaded. I really like her newest hit, Unfaithful. But yeah, her other songs are crap and they annoy the hell out of me.

I woke up around 11:45 this morning and I haven't done much all day besides sing and listen to old recordings of me singing on my computer. Those date back to December 2003... and even earlier, but I have those on a data CD somewhere. Man, I have REALLY improved since just last year. I had a gross voice! But yeah, it boosted up my self-confidence just listening to that caca I called singing. I'm so glad I saved those.

Albert and I were talking last night and we think that A. C. Jones should have some sort of music theory class that interested music students can take to prepare for that AP exam that I mentioned earlier. If you go to A. C. Jones or are about to and you would like to take that class, go to Albert's MySpace and send him a message telling him that you're interested in signing the petition and he will put your name on the list. Please really think about this and take it into great consideration. Music theory is not hard... it's fun! And it could be a great opportunity for everyone. :)

Parker wants to give me a drum lesson today but I'm left home alone with my little brother for quite a while because my parents are in San Antonio so I don't know if I can go. I need to stop being lazy, though. We'll see. Until next time!

This City's Made Us Crazy And We Must Get Out

2006-07-05T02:29:00.000-05:00

Brian came over not too long after that entry I typed up last night. We played and talked music for hours. I'm improving on guitar. :D! Then for about two hours we tried to convince Kristin to let us walk to her house when curfew was over but she was too tired and fell asleep. So then Brian left at 6 a.m. and I was still pretty awake so I did a work out for my abs to get me started for the month and then I finally went to sleep. I woke up around 12 in the afternoon because my parents wanted me to go with them to a barbeque at my brother's house. But I had made plans to go to Corpus for the evening for the fireworks show on the Bayfront. So my parents let me stay home and gave me $10 and I left around 4:30 with Brian and Kristin. We drove around forever when we got to Corpus trying to find a Taco Bell but we gave up and settled for a McDonald's. Man, I'm fat. Then we parked somewhere near the Bayfront but far from the fireworks site so it took a lot of walking to get there. We met up with Anna and Isaac and some other people over there. That was an adventure. Kristin and I went to go buy snowcones and on the way we ran into Eric's dad. I said hi and he gave me a hug. :P! Anyway, we watched the fireworks from this concrete thingy out there in the ocean... it was pretty exciting, although they kinda sucked. We came back to Beeville by midnight and then hung out and snacked at Kristin's for about fourty-five minutes. Now we're here watching The Ringer, which is just an alright movie... nothing too great. But yeah, I've had a pretty bad-~~ass~~ day. I will post pictures as soon as I upload them, I promise.

I hope everyone's had a fun fourth of July. I sure did. But yeah, I'm gonna go and take a shower and stuff now that the movie is over. I really stink! :P! Until next time!

Everybody, Everybody, Everybody Sucks

2006-07-03T23:48:00.000-05:00

I just got home from hanging with Parker and Anna. Anna came over first and we chilled for a little while. Then Parker came by and we left so Anna and I could go job-hunting like I said we would. We picked up quite a few applications, but my hopes are mainly on the Rio 6 cinema and the New China Super Buffet. I'm gonna go try for a CD store tomorrow, though, called All Stars or something like that. I've never been there but that seems like a fun thing to do... hell yeah. Afterwards we went to Golden Chick and picked up some food to eat at The Lot. I took quite a few pictures while we were there. [I'm gonna start posting pictures with my blogs as soon as I start uploading them to Photobucket or something.] Later on we went cruising all over the place and sang Flyleaf and System Of A Down songs. That was totally fun. We dropped Anna off at some point and then Parker and I sat in front of my house in his truck just having conversations about life in the past and present. That was pretty cool. Then Danny called so I finally came inside and talked to him for a while until he wanted to go to sleep. He forgot his ~~damn~~ cell phone charger, but it can't be that big of a deal if cell phones don't really work in Mexico. He's still in Texas, though, for the night. Man, I miss him. So now here I am.

I want to start a band... I really do. I would love to be lead singer and play guitar and/or keyboard. It would have to be a bad-~~ass~~ band and we would play all kinds of genres of music mixed in together. I would sing and scream and stuff. I wonder if anyone would be interested in helping me with this little dream that I have. I wouldn't mind. Man, it sounds like such a fun idea and it would keep me so busy... but I would love it because it has to do with something I enjoy working with and being around: MUSIC <3. I think I'm gonna go for it someday soon. Right now I'm trying to get myself out of a writer's block so I can write some poetry that may pass as lyrics one day. I don't know.

Well, I should be going. I think Brian's gonna be coming over tonight pretty soon [I know what time it is... heh] but yeah, I want to play some guitar and junk. Why not spend my nights a little more productively if I'm staying up so late anyway? Yesh. I'm gonna have fun. Until next time!

Time Keeps Passing By

2006-07-03T15:53:00.000-05:00

FRI, JUN 23: I don't think I did much of anything for the entire day after I got home from Megan's.
SAT, JUN 24: ... I don't remember.
SUN, JUN 25: ... I don't remember.
MON, JUN 26: I pulled an all-nighter with Danny and went to his house at about 9:30 a.m. and spent pretty much the entire day with him. That was awesome, but we were just being lazy ~~asses~~ and crap so nothing productive really happened until Pool Of Dreams got together and had a practice. It was a good one. They're getting a lot done lately. Around 9:30 that night, everyone went home to take a shower and came back to Danny's at 10. We sat around and talked until Gerald and Josh showed up. Nick was with us too. We finally decided to drive out to Sonic to hang out. So all six of us [Nick, Danny, Parker, Josh, Gerald, and me] climbed into his Nick's truck and took off. Pretty much right after we got there, a few other cars with some friends of ours pulled in. Sonic was definitely the hot spot that night. Danny bought a junior banana split and gave me a little bit of it. Mm, that was yummy. Nick had to go so he dropped us off at Danny's at 11:45 and we chilled for a little while. Parker, Gerald, and Josh eventually left so Danny and I went inside. He ate and then we watched All Dogs Go To Heaven, just for the heck of it, haha. That was fun.
TUE, JUN 27: ... I don't remember.
WED, JUN 28: Danny, Parker, and I went to Nick's around 9:30 p.m. to hang out until about midnight. We went to H.E.B. where Nick bought some Ritz crackers and cheese in a can, ha. We went back to Nick's afterwards. The guys all just played a little guitar for most of the time and then we watched the first 30 minutes of The Hills Have Eyes. I think I went to Danny's house later on after that for a little while and eventually went home.
THU, JUN 29: Danny came over sometime in the afternoon and took a nap on my futon while I downloaded some music [including Muse's old albums]. Parker came by around 4:30 and we all waited for Nick's phone call to go out to dinner at the New China Super Buffet. Nick came by and hung out with us for a while as we waited for Cassidy to call and tell us what's up. She ended up not coming along after all, though. Dinner was fun and filling. I can't remember what I did afterwards...
FRI, JUN 30: I woke up at 11 and started getting myself ready to go to the bowling alley for the band reunion. After picking up Samantha, my mom dropped us off. Aaron, Kristin, Sherie, Anna, Brian, Shane, Danny, Parker, Oscar, Eric, and maybe a few other people showed up and we all had a great time. Yeah, it was still fun even though not as many people as I had hoped for came. Afterwards, I left with Danny, Parker, Eric, and Brian to Danny's house to watch them jam out a little bit. It was Nick's last night in town too, and he called us and wanted us to go hang at the bowling alley with him so eventually we all went back. It took a while before I got there though because Danny and Brian were playing some blues and soloing so I stuck around. I don't remember much of what I did after that, but I know I hung with Danny.
SAT, JUL 1: Danny found out that his trip to Mexico had to be delayed so he had an extra day in town. Parker came by and picked me up and we picked up Danny and stopped by at Eric's to see what he was doing. Eventually he came along with us. We went driving around and Parker and Danny just screamed at random people on the street. Then we went to the park for a while. I didn't do much there. We went to Wal-Mart and I took quite a few pictures of retarded caca, but it was fun. Then we went searching for cookies for Eric because he had a strange craving. Sooner or later we went home and then Danny came over to my house and we hung out for a while. We spent a few hours just laying on the floor singing songs I haven't heard in forever.
SUN, JUL 2: Around 3, Parker picked me up and we went over to Danny's. They just practiced and jammed for a while. After Parker left, I helped Danny fold some shirts for his trip and then we just chilled till about 9:30 when he took me home. Parker and Danny came by around 10:20ish and we watched Double Jeopardy. None of us had ever seen it, surprisingly. Danny and I hung out for quite some time last night... it was the last time I'll see him until the end of the month, for four whole weeks. :(

Today, Danny called me around 12 to say goodbye. He won't be back till, I believe, July 30. Yesh, I'm sad, but it'll be alright. I just already can't wait to see him again. And now I'm waiting for Anna's arrival and Parker shall take us around town to go job-hunting. Yeah, Anna and I are gonna pick up some applications and start making some money soon. I really need it because there are a ton of things I want to buy. I think I should go and make some phone calls. Until next time!