Words Can Hardly Express How I'm Feeling Today

"Overwhelmed" seems to sum it up. I'm looking for a job and can't seem to find one, and money would solve several of my problems - personally and for security. My life seems to have gone through some sudden changes and there are a few more to come in the next few days. I'm using my mom's car around San Marcos so I've been feeling a new sense of independence, as cheesy as that may seem. I'm done with my required course hours towards graduation so I am not enrolled in any classes. Up to this point, it's been important to me to work hard in school and do my assignments on time and make A's on all of my exams... but that's all gone now. It's a relief to not have to deal with all of that, but at the same time, it's what I used to live for. I grew up a sheltered schoolgirl.

Also, college graduation is about 4 months away. I'm nervous and scared of what might be on the other side... well, more like what might not be on the other side (a steady job with a good salary and benefits). As an audio engineer, a young one with hardly enough experience to be considered a professional, there is only so much I can do out in the real world, and only so much of that feels right to me. I'm not trying to downplay my acquired skills/talents, but I'm trying to be realistic about my situation.

Because of all this, I realized that skills/talents don't have to be obtained through classrooms and teachers. So I've been putting my programming knowledge to practice and reading as much as I can to learn new things about my field every day. It's just tough knowing that I won't be tested/rewarded for it at the end of the day - this is an "in the long run" kind of thing.

You know, this is off-topic, but it's been so difficult for me to type up a blog so far this year. I don't know what to talk about. Some things in my personal life need not be displayed for all to read online. I used to be so comfortable with that when I first started blogging in 2004 (dang, 8 years ago!). It's not a matter of keeping secrets but a matter of being professional. Professionals don't display their emotions on the internet. Oh, to be young and innocent again. I think we'd all like to go back to those days.

I'm going to wrap this up by saying I wish I was a better person - I wish I would put my money where my mouth is every time. I slip up. I forget things. I get lazy. I pretend I have until the end of time to get things done. The truth is, our time is running out and I'm just wasting it all on sitting around in solitude - I do it while I'm working, I do it while I'm relaxing. I leave barely any time for friends. I have a lot of things on my list of New Year's resolutions, but this is one I must mention. I want to reach out to my old friends and close up the space between us, I want to be closer to my current friends, and I want to be better at making new friends. Hopefully 2012 will be the year for relationships for me.

I Keep Changing My Mind

I don't understand me at all. Every time I am introduced to something new, I want to do it for the rest of my life. Take "playing clarinet" for example. When I started getting the hang of it, it's all I ever wanted to do. I was never a brilliant player, but I sure was dedicated. Then came the thought of "computer programming", though I had no idea about it at all and no real means of learning about it. I just knew I would be working with computers and making programs, possibly computer games... that would be cool. That didn't really take off with me, though. Then, hmm, what if I could spend my life "working in a recording studio"? I could work with awesome musicians and big names. Well, I was naive enough to not realize how much hard work has to be put in towards networking, which doesn't come easy for me. So I come to Texas State, ready to start this career. I start investing in gear... a $3000 MacBook Pro, a FireWire interface, a couple of mics, some stands. Then I figure out I like to "mix music". Do I pursue it? Nah, I just sit on the idea. Then I realize how much of a scientific/mathematical thinker I am, as opposed to the musical aspect of things around here, so maybe I want to get into acoustics... maybe I want to "study the science of sound", or "be a consultant", rather. So I get an internship with an acoustic consultant, which has been great, but we're at a standstill at the moment due to my lack of a vehicle. Now all that I can think about is "software engineering". Yeah, I can make programs... aimed at audio professionals! How about that? Back to square one (or two, since playing clarinet was number one). I've ended up in this state of mind twice... so maybe I should stick with it? At least now I'm a bit more educated about the field. Who knows? Maybe once my internship starts up again I'll change my mind once more! UUGGHH, I frustrate myself.

Let's go with this software engineering idea now. Say I pursue this idea. What would it take for me to get to where I need to be to land a good job? Maybe a Master's of Science in Computer Science with a major in Software Engineering from Texas State? I've been doing my research, and it turns out that in order to even get into the program, I need to obtain 29 hours in computer science courses (4 of which I have) and 11 hours in math courses (I've only taken pre-cal). Then to earn my Master's I need 36 more hours. Maybe I could get all this done within... 2 years, give or take a semester. Let's say I do all this and put myself in further debt. Will I be happy then? Will I finally be satisfied with my life? Will having another degree get me feeling successful? I guess it depends on what job I get afterward. I guess my Bachelor's won't have been a waste of time if I go for something like this, but preparing for the Master's will be very time-consuming. But possible? Yes. Very.

I have so much to think about right now. On a side note, I think I aced my Brit Lit test today! =)

"What do I want to do with my life?"

That's what I typed into Google today. I was surprised to come across this inspirational article: (http://ezinearticles.com/?What-Am-I-Going-To-Do-With-The-Rest-Of-My-Life?&id=1194).

I have a compelling desire to answer the 5 questions presented in this article, but I kind of don't know how to. I'm 21, a senior at Texas State majoring in sound recording technology... you'd think my future is all planned out. Well, it's definitely not, and that's something I struggle with daily. Yeah, I like what I'm doing when I'm doing it, otherwise I wouldn't be doing it in the first place. But I feel like there's something out there more suitable for me.

I'll give this a shot...

What does success mean to me? To me, a successful person is someone who earns enough money to never be stressed out about finances; someone who can provide for herself and her family alone (if need be) comfortably. She also has a career that she loves, but not only that, she does her job particularly well and is recognized for it by everyone in her field. Above all, a successful person always has time for her loved ones. She will be close to her family and raise her kids firsthand. This is the person I want to be.

What are my non-negotiable needs? In regards to the above, I need to be financially comfortable, to have a competitive, technologically advancing career, and to be home often enough to tend to my family. I need to be close to my parents. I need to live near a big city, and to live in Texas. I need the chance to travel to other countries to explore the world I've never known. I need to design/build my own home from the ground up.

What are my non-negotiable boundaries? I will not work in an environment where there is no room for advancement. I will not accept intolerance towards race, gender, or sexual orientation. I will not allow my children to pass on extracurricular activities.

What are my key values? I value spending time with loved ones, at home or otherwise. I value teaching others something new. I value being in charge. I value having pets.

What do I want to be remembered for? I want to be known as a person of brilliance; as smart and innovative. I also want to be known for my kindness, if I can learn to gain such a quality.

Well, this seems absolutely unfinished, so maybe I'll come back to it again or make edits as I see fit. Until next time!

I Miss This

I miss you, Blogger. Tumblr is way cool, but this is my home. It's where I've unleashed my innermost thoughts throughout high school up until now. I can't abandon you. So I'm going to switch it up a little starting now. Since no one else seems to be very personal on Tumblr like I like to be, Tumblr will be for socializing, Blogger will be for blogging. There, the matter is settled (but no more of that lyrics-as-the-title business).

My cold seems to be subsiding, and it's possible I can continue to mix effectively soon enough. I have the D Room booked tomorrow morning. I aim to get there early so that I have more time to work in there. If the A Room is available, though, I may just jump in there until I get kicked out.

I had planned out my entire day last night, but that never seems to work for me these days. I was supposed to have all this energy and clean our entire apartment completely. It's not very roomy, and the mess isn't so bad. That makes me feel pathetic. I swear, soon after I publish this post, I am going to get off my internet-addicted ass and do some cleaning. Poor Danny feels compelled to do some cleaning by himself now. I appreciate it, but I was raised to be clean, and I definitely do not mind picking up after him too. Somehow there are clothes piled up in the bedroom, binders and loose papers scattered all around, and plenty of dirty dishes in the sink. And Bailey has to suffer with this too while her litter box goes uncleaned for a few days at a time and the bits of food in her water bowl slowly become dissolved. Ugh.

Danny and I apparently chose the wrong complex to live at this year. I miss our old place. The kitchen was lacking in storage space and the walls were so very thin, but the location was perfect... within walking distance of the music building! I now have to depend on the buses again, and I hate it. If I don't walk out of here to catch a bus an hour before class starts at the Mitte building or the studio, I'm screwed. Thank goodness for friends with cars and parking permits! This week, though, we have to walk about twice as far as usual to get to a bus stop. The walking doesn't bother me; the extra waste of time does. Do you know how much time I waste in a day walking to buses, waiting on buses, riding buses?? Well, I'm glad I won't have to deal with this anymore after the next few weeks go by.

I'm living the life of a pessimist, you know. It seems all I do these days is bitch and complain. I don't like it. Danny doesn't like it. I don't think my family likes it very much either. Bitterness constantly consumes me. I haven't always been this way, believe it or not. I mean, I've always been bossy and choosy when it comes to everything I do. I've never done it with this... attitude? I don't know what to call it. I should be happier. I am surrounded by the possibilities of an optimistic lifestyle, and I know this. I just decide to shroud myself in this undying desire to be self-righteous and bitter. When was the last time I felt truly excited about something? Breaks from classes aside, I can't really remember. My trip to Disney World with my high school band my senior year? Maybe. I think my spirit's been broken ever since I got that first rejection letter from the School of Music. Nothing, not even finally being accepted (Did they take pity on me?), could mend it. You don't know how willing I am to turn this all around. I would if I could do so immediately, but I take comfort in my loathsome demeanor, as all humans take comfort in life without change. Change is difficult; change is scary. I don't know... but today, I'm feeling especially bitter. It may just be my hormones (and I honestly do think it is), but I'm going to turn these feelings around right now and try to be productive. If my sense of smell comes back tonight, then I won't be very happy with how I've been treating my apartment these past couple of weeks. =/

Please Please Me

I posted my first blog on Tumblr recently and may or may not stick with it. Until next time!

Kiss Me, K-K-Kiss Me

I recently learned that I can graduate in December, if I so choose. I'm not sure I'll have my capstone done by then. Or my senior portfolio. Or my post-graduation plans. I've been considering moving on for a masters in acoustics, but that would call for more schooling in a very far away place and will cost more money I don't really have. If I don't do that, I have no idea where I'll be headed - and that's scary for me. I like structure. I like knowing what to expect. Sure, it makes me a boring person, but it's what makes me comfortable. I never before expected that I'd be going to college to earn a Bachelor of Science and not be able to use it to find a *guaranteed* job. I really don't know where I'm headed or what to expect. Now I'm just being redundant. So currently... I do not want to graduate in December, though I haven't thought of the consequences of doing that or graduating in May, as planned. I have to think things through before I make my final decision. This internship I'm doing over the summer should help me decide.

Right now I am taking over someone's shift at the Mac Lab in the music building. I have nothing left to do here in this room. As soon as I get off at 9:00 I plan to walk home and mix for Bobby's editing class and Gary's live sound class. I will tackle Mark's last mastering lab in the A Room on Sunday, as well as the recording portion of Billy's composition/sound design class projects. Last day of class = Monday! Stress relief = Tuesday @ noon after juries!

Hm. I never thought up until now... that I've earned $600 with the equipment Danny and I have been collecting - laptop, mics, cables, stands, interface, monitors, headphones, software. In less than a year I have earned $600. That's awesome. =) Although it could be better, I'm happy about that. Unfortunately I haven't put any of that money I've earned to buying more audio gear! I haven't bought gear in a long time.

By the way, don't buy anything at Forever 21 unless you're absolutely positive you'll love it outside the store. You don't get a cash or credit card refund when you return it. You get a damn gift card. UGH! Waste of $26... I have to go back there at some point and buy something else with it.

Enough reflecting. Until next time!

When Darkness Turns to Light

So I was pretty angry at the start of 2011 when I learned that someone wasn't sticking to their end of a contract we were both involved in and was trying anything to avoid it, especially when I mentioned I felt like taking this matter to court. "We never had an agreement." "Your price is unreasonable." "Court isn't necessary."

I had been working hard alongside my boyfriend on writing/producing/recording/mixing four songs to which we only had the lyrics and melodies to work with (which this person provided). All of this happened within the span of 2-3 months. I only asked for $300, which I would split with my boyfriend because he did the majority of the writing and I did all the engineer work.

We had something worked out to where I would have the full amount by the first of January - I only had the initial payment of $50 by then and I was pretty upset about it, but was willing to work it all out. The upset turned to anger when I learned that the other person decided not to pay what we agreed on (after all the time and effort I put into this project), and wouldn't pay me anything at all until a judge decided what to do.

So I waited until I could muster up the cash to pay the court fees and finally filed a lawsuit during spring break to get the money that was owed to me and to get the legal facts of the matter straightened out.

The trial was a week ago. I was nervous when I spoke but clear, I thought. I had an entire timeline from the time we met to the last time we spoke, all of it evidenced by the Facebook messages I had printed out. I had planned to read through it all, but decided to give just a summary when I made my first statement. I think if I had done what I had planned, the trial would've ended shortly after. Instead, the back-and-forth went on for about an hour. Someone completely uninvolved testified and, to my knowledge, lied.

I believe the judge discredited me when the other party brought up a "professional" engineer who "charged a band only $200 for a 6-track demo" that he DIDN'T WRITE or PRODUCE, I can bet (apparently I didn't make that point clear enough). He has an 8-track Pro Tools rig in a space that does not have proper acoustics behind a downtown storefront. And he is not currently "working" with a certain pre-famous band that one of my old high school buddies is playing in, as far as I know - I have been having behind-the-scene conversations with one of their engineers. They rehearsed there. All of this I'd know because (1) I'd visited his place once, (2) heard some of his work, and (3) my old buddy posts a lot of updates on Facebook about that certain band. I believe that this information could have helped me, if only I'd stressed more on the *writing* bit as I just did. It was also stressed that I am "not licensed", but neither is the "professional" for what he does as an engineer.

In the end, the judge recognized that we did have an agreement by reading through the Facebook messages I handed him. He noticed the mention of $300 several times, but for some reason he awarded me so that I'd received $200 total for the project + my court fees. I knew I was in the right all along, so I felt partially restored for him making that clear. The non-restoration lies in the fact that he subtracted $100 from our agreed-upon price. I left happy anyway.

What have I learned from all of this?
(1) - To be up front about price from the beginning before working on any kind of business-like project where I will be doing work and expecting pay for it.
(2) - To justify the price. Define the price in full detail so I know exactly what kind of work I'll be expected to do and so the other party knows exactly what they are paying for.
(3) - To get the full amount agreed upon or a down-payment as part of a strict payment plan before handing over the final product.
(4) - To include the above three in a WELL-WRITTEN DOCUMENT signed by both the other party and me, and make sure all parties understand exactly what that document entails.
(5) - That filing a lawsuit can be a confusing mess if a person is not familiar with law. I just need to make sure I am always prepared to give my side of the story in full before giving the other party a chance to lie or give irrelevant statements. I will always bring whatever evidence I have, no matter how little it may seem - a bundle of Facebook messages related to the situation can only help clear the fog.
(6) - To be a good person in general. I will never leave room for someone to tag negativity on my name. And to treat others the way I'd like to be treated. I know I can't trust everyone to treat me the way I treat them, but that gives me an opportunity to really see who they truly are as people. And to be forgiving - but, even then, I won't ever let someone wrong me twice.

*Note to self: If filing a lawsuit outside of my town of residence, I will be sure to include travel costs in the award I am requesting!*

If I see any rudeness, cattiness, or name-dropping in your comment, it will be deleted. If I see too much of that, commenting will be disabled or this blog will no longer be viewable on Facebook. All I want to come of this post is closure, an update for my friends, and a memorable lesson for myself and my peers.

Just Breathe

Going into SXSW 2011, I was pretty nervous. First of all, I'm horrible with directions, and the thought of navigating around downtown Austin was a nightmare. I also don't have much live sound experience so I thought my entire week was going to be really rough. Well, here's my story!

On Tuesday, everyone on the Production Labor Crew had to meet at Production Hell in the Austin Convention Center at 8am. The night before, Izzy and I moved into Shane's place for the week so that we wouldn't have to deal with waking up extremely early and jumping into Austin traffic from San Marcos. Smart move. After the meeting, I had my first load-in at Mi Casa Cantina. After some confusion, we got it done. Later that afternoon, after eating free food (as I did so every day I was in Austin), I went with Dan Electro and Greg to see The Ballad of Genesis and Lady Jay at the Alamo Drafthouse. That was quite disturbing in some ways, but interesting in others. Right after that I met up with Izzy, Daniel B, and Brian and convinced them to come see the Foo Fighters documentary airing at 6. On the way in we got free VH1 bags with a voucher for free Levi's 501s as well as a wristband that would allow us to get into Stubb's later on after the film. The Foo Fighters showed up, and I got some cool pics since I was sitting right in the front! The documentary was AWESOME, the best one I've seen. I think it really captured their story well. After the film, the four of us ran to Stubb's, and though the line was long we eventually made our way in and celebrated by drinking some free beers and eating some free barbecue! Then the Foo Fighters came on stage!! And played us a two-hour show!! It was definitely a night to be remembered.

On Wednesday, Izzy was on the morning load-in crew and so I had to go as well since we were riding together. I think I got about 4 hours of sleep the night before. I had two load-ins that afternoon, one at Mellow Johnny's and one at Stephen F's bar. Once again, I got free food (I think it was the Canadian BBQ... which seemed like regular Texas BBQ, stock with pork n' beans and all). I got to Maggie Mae's Rooftop, my assigned venue, around 6:30pm, where I met Art from Miller Pro Audio. I ran into Dave, the stage manager who I met at our meeting back in February. Both of them are really cool dudes and I was glad to work with them. I helped tie down the PA speakers, hook up XLRs to the snakes, and set up mics and DIs around the stage. I helped set mics on the stage in between sets too. Art was mixing on a Soundcraft Vi1... very cool. Check it out! He wasn't the only engineer through the night, though. There was this other guy hanging around who would mix every two bands or so, and some bands had their own engineer. That goes for all 3 nights that I worked at Maggie Mae's. I jumped into fanatic mode when Black Cards came on stage. I took a video (will be posting a video collaboration on Facebook sometime soon) and some pictures, and I was the very last person to beg Pete Wentz for a picture with me before he left the venue, haha. I did have a moment of concern as they were playing when he invited the audience to jump on stage and dance with them for their last song! Nuts. Then I helped Art tear down a few things until he told me I could go. I didn't get home until 4am or so, went to sleep by 5am.

Thursday (St. Patty's Day), got food, attended a panel with Adam, Izzy, and Brian called Songwriters Explain Everything, featuring Hazel Dickens, Ron Sexsmith, and I think William Carll. That was pretty interesting! When I got to Maggie Mae's Rooftop that night, Art seemed a bit confused but wouldn't tell me why. So I helped him set up mics around the stage and did a sound check on each one of them since we had some trouble with a few channels on the snakes. After that was all done, the assistant production manager for my venue came by and told me that Ashleigh asked that I move to Maggie Mae's Gibson Room to help them out. Art was like, "Dang, they caught you. I was gonna tell you to run the other way." Ha, so he was sad that I left, and I really was too. I had a great time the night before and didn't want to leave! Turned out that during the 2 and a half sets I sat through in the Gibson Room, all I had done was unplug a DI. Collin (the engineer there) never asked me to help him with anything, even though I followed him to the stage like a lost puppy every time he'd go up there. There was absolutely nothing for me to do there, so the assistant production manager moved me back to the Rooftop, and I cheered up immediately! From then on, I did the same things I did the night before... and got a free Red Bull in the process. At one point, we had to cut a band two songs short because they started so late due to their setup. The crowd called "bullshit" on their engineer, haha. My night ended with a compliment from a drunk dude who said he'd been in the audio business for 8 years and he just had to come tell me how perfectly I wrapped an XLR cable. Hahaha, gotta love it. Izzy and I got "home" at 4am once again.

Friday was my day off! I finally slept in an extra hour or two. I got free food somewhere, I'm sure. At 7, I got to Auditorium Shores with Greg to see Bowling For Soup. When they finished I went to Austin Music Hall alone to see 10 Years. Before they went on, I watched Sinai perform, and they were pretty groovy. Instead of going to Emo's like I had planned to see Of Mice & Men and Dance Gavin Dance, my feet were killing me so I walked over to Tenoak to visit Adam. He had to be the mixing engineer there because two other people just couldn't handle it. After hanging during about an hour, I traveled over to The Tap Room at Six, where an idol of mine would be playing at 1am. It was only 10pm! But as soon as I walked in, Matt Franke called out my name from behind the stage, holding his upright... I was confused but apparently he and quite a few other Texas State musicians were playing for Gabby Young, a chick from the UK. It was just awesome! After that, I had to sit through Talking Turtles (Blech!) and Hilary York, which was pretty cool, but I was soooooo stoked to see Anna Nalick!! As soon as Hilary York finished I ran up to the stage and planted myself there, aching feet and all, just WAITING to hear her voice. =) Finally she got on stage with her band (keys, drums, bass, guitar) and I sang along to the songs I knew. She amazes me! I recorded a few of her songs as she performed them with my camera (will be in that compilation I mentioned) but one of my memory cards ran out of storage space and my NiMH batteries died and the Duracells I had just bought were causing my camera to overheat... ugh! But that's okay. The pictures/videos could never recreate the experience. =) I cannot wait until her new album comes out next month!

On Saturday I got to look around at the Trade Show, Gear Alley, and the Guitar Expo. I entered myself into a fast-typing contest... I was 8th place in the end with about 100 words a minute. Only the top 2 got prizes. At least I tried! Being it was the last day and all I didn't get much swag. I was okay with that, though. That's not what SXSW is all about! Izzy and I caught a panel together: Women in the Recording Studio, represented by Women's Audio Mission (WAM). It was pretty sweet and refreshing and enlightening. That definitely made my week. Then I got to catch a Berklee showcase at Friends and saw Emily Elbert and The Boston Boys perform! I've been following Emily Elbert on YouTube for a while now and I was so happy to see she was performing. Apparently she performed at Tantra in San Marcos just a few days before then. Adam, Daniel D, and I rocked out! Then I took a picture with Emily and bought her CD. There was a huge Aussie theme going on at Maggie Mae's Rooftop. My feet were really hurting me that night and some Aussie stole my chair and was chain smoking all night so I was pretty cranky. I was sad to say goodbye to everyone, though, when I left. Then came load-out. It was just a flat-out mess and I don't even want to talk about it, lol. The only things I got to do were: assist Dusty in taking down an extension cable & snake, wrap several cables, and carry a keyboard stand to a truck. I also tried to help push heavy things on wheels through an alley that smelled of beer, piss, and garbage. That was too much fun, obviously, because I was so hyped up after that. I think hanging out with all my SRT buddies just made it worthwhile. =) After dropping off Daniel D and Adam to where they were staying, Izzy and I ate at Steak n' Shake, an event I had planned on since the beginning of the week. I got to my apartment at 8am!!

Last week was just too much fun and I can't wait to do it again next year! I learned a lot and had such a refreshing experience there. I better go now and finish the LAST SONG of No Strings Attached's album!! =) Woo!! Until next time!

A Place Inside My Heart is Where You Live

Hi, Readers! I'm in the D Room at Fire Station Studios mixing some more of No Strings Attached - for experimentation of plugins and/or for getting a better mix. It's kind of frustrating that I am mixing this big project in the middle of a great mixing class. I want to finish learning all I will be learning this semester and then come back to it, but I need to finish as soon as possible because I know these guys are waiting on me. But man, sometimes my ears need rest, lol.

Spring Break is right around the corner. Too bad I don't get a week like most people will, but I'm still excited for what's to come. I, among many SRT students, am a Production Labor Crew member of SXSW! I'm basically a volunteer to help load in/out gear for venues that need it and I get to stand behind an engineer and get some observation going on at the same time. It's a good trade-off, I'll say. This year is my first year, and I hope to do so again next year (granted that I have a good experience). I'll be at Maggie Mae's Rooftop every night (except my night off, which I just learned yesterday is Friday!).

So my plan for the next week and half: Tomorrow I've got two voice lessons and a computer science midterm and students/faculty of Juilliard are performing in the evening on campus. Friday I am performing in voice seminar and will be picking up my SXSW badge afterwards. Saturday morning my parents are going to swing by and pick me up, then we will head to Victoria for an eye appointment for me (FINALLY) for a much-needed new prescription, then to Beeville where I will stay until Monday night, when they drop me back off in San Marcos. Monday night Izzy and I are going to head to Shane's place in Austin and stay the night since we have to be at the convention center at 8AM the next morning. Then... SXSW all week until Sunday morning when we can finally go back to our apartments in San Marcos and start school up again the next day. Whew!

G2G, for I am wasting valuable D Room time to type this blog, lol. Until next time!

I'd Rather Be Anything But Ordinary

Another Bobcat Day/Audition Day passed by yesterday. I only had one person show up for a tour for that last audition day I mentioned, but there were about six to eight groups coming in to the studio for a tour at this last one. It's weird to me how involved some parents are in their child's college/career choice. My parents were very involved with me all throughout grade school but everything after that was my choice, though they tried to be supportive of it and helped me out as they could. But for most of the tours I hosted, the perspective students stood kind of in the back and didn't really pay attention to me when I answered their parents' questions, like they didn't care. The parents were the most involved - I think that's sad! YOU are in control of your future, not your parents, unless they refuse to financially support you or something if you chose a career path they weren't happy with. But come on, why let your PARENTS ask all the questions? Aren't YOU interested? Ugh - it frustrates me. I have to admit, I am scared of the world lol. I would be that student to stand and hide behind her parents and have them ask my questions. I can relate to that, and I can tell when that's the case, but most of these kids would just roll their eyes like they were bored with the tour. I did enjoy explaining to the parents how much I love the program here, compared to things I hear about other programs. =P! The close, tight-knit environment we're in gives us a chance to have personal discussions in our "classrooms" and have good relationships with our professors, including the one with a gold record and the one with a Grammy! And we only have 60 or so students in the program, with about only half who have full access to the four studios we've got. Man, we've got it made! Put THAT in a brochure!

But life is what you make it, and that definitely applies to this program. No one is going to ever force you to do your projects and assignments... or even go out of your way to find portfolio work. After last year I decided to change how I spent my time, and I'm so glad I did because I am now much more involved in the work I do and am (slowly) able to make more solid plans for my future. Danny and I collaborated on producing, writing music for, and recording a demo in the summer/fall. I also got to mix and (what I called at the time) master it. Although I still haven't gotten the full payment I asked for for that project, I'm glad to have had the experience. And I am now in the process of finishing up the No Strings Attached album I recorded almost a month ago now. I mixed it in a week, gave it to the group, they listened for a week, then I did another week of re-mixing, and I finally gave them that copy this morning. My fingers are crossed!!

The reason I bring all this up in a blog is so that I can come up with some more ideas for my Texas State Scholarship Application personal essay. I chose the first of the essay topics: "Explain how and why your life has been significantly influenced by a person (living or dead), an event, or a particular book." My subject is choosing to major in sound recording technology. That choice seriously changed my life. You know, I wasn't even sure I wanted to be a part of this industry until this past school year. I still don't know where exactly I'm headed, but I know this is where I want to be. It's really hard for me to live in the moment, just throwing that out there, since I can't really plan for the future these days. My main points are these: the connections I've gained throughout participating in this program (and will gain) - peers, professors, and other audio professionals; the knowledge I've been filled with (and will be) - concerning anything audio, including electronics and acoustics; the fun I've had obtaining both of those elements (and will have)! I honestly jumped into the program without even testing the waters, which is very out there for me when evaluating my past and personality. But I'm so glad I never turned away, though I had every reason to. It took me three auditions to get into the school of music's voice studio, and I had to wait half a summer to find out whether or not I was accepted into the sound recording program. I had no idea what I would've done if it wasn't for that letter, lol. I was so lost. But now I'm so totally found! And I love the support that has come with all that... from all of my new awesome SRT buddies, from my loving family, and from the one person who's opinion matters so much to me (out of love AND respect), my boyfriend Danny.

I didn't intend for this to be so long - I just can't stop now that I've started. DUDE - I'm turning 21 tomorrow! Shoot, try in about 4 1/2 hours!! That makes me excited... to be reaching such a huge milestone in life (lol), but it also makes me sad that I'm getting so old and lacking so much knowledge and talent that I'd like to have obtained by now. =/ No one should ever feel that way, but I don't feel like I've done enough in my life to say that I'm 21 years old. Is that weird? Gosh, that's going to change - I swear it will! Until next time!